Spiritually Unequal Marriage

Second-Hand God?

"I'll never again live on the crusts of hearsay, crumbs of rumor." — Job 42:6 The Message

I love this line from the Message translation, because even Job made the same mistake we do sometimes. We rely more on what people and books tell us about God than really getting to know God through prayer and reading his Word ourselves.

We get lazy. We let other people and things do the work for us—our pastor's Sunday sermon, books  about Christianity, or even a friend's perspective. Nothing is wrong with any of these things. On the contrary, they enrich our faith walk, but they can't be the heart of our belief.

Any relationship takes work, but the effort is usually much more rewarding than trusting a third party go-between. Think of it this way. Let's say you meet the person you're one day going to marry (only you don't know that yet). Your friend is with you at the time, too. You really like this guy/girl and want to know more. Then you find out your friend knows this person quite well because they've been pretty good friends for a while. She's even written down things about him in her journal.

You ask questions. Your friend tells you what she knows. You read her journal entries about him. As you ask more questions, you continue to listen to her interpretation of who this guy is and you come to "know" him through your friend's perspective.

But do you really know him? Do you understand who he is? Can your friend give you the complete picture of who this person is and what they're like? Don't you want to know for yourself? I mean, what if this is the guy you wind up marrying?

You wouldn't want to get to know your spouse through another person, so why do the same thing with God? And the best way to get to know God—and to keep learning about him—is to pray and read the Bible.

As one of those people who used to rely more on books and sermons than the real deal, I can tell you there's a big difference in knowing about God and experiencing him. And the more we experience God, the more he shows in our lives, which is the ultimate strength of our testimony to our unbelieving spouses.

Find out for yourself. Make a commitment to seek God and to really know who he is first hand. Experience him. I know you won't be disappointed.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Going Alone? Oh No Siree!

I sat down a few minutes ago to prepare this post. Before I started typing, I stopped to pray. I prayed for all of you who read the posts, Church or no-Church. I thanked the Lord, our Great King for each of you who took time to leave me your thoughts, your prayers, your concerns and your experiences.

Church or No-Church, Part I

Church of No-Church, Part II

I have read and re-read your comments just now. I have tears in my eyes. I have been writing here for three years and the advice and love and comfort all of you have given through your comments is some of the best I have EVER read. I encourage all of you to read the comments from last week. Such words of wisdom. You may very well leave your computer today….. CHANGED. PERMANANTLY – CHANGED!

I know that I am.

On Friday I wrote that I was seeking answers from the Lord and how He is always faithful to answer when I pursue His wisdom. Girls and men, He did not fail me. I have a powerful story and prayer to share.

Before I tell you what happened, I think it is important to point out some interesting observations from all of your comments.

First, not all of us agree. After reading through the comments and the private emails I received, it looks like the church or no-church decision is very personal and individualized.

Second, it appears most of us actually have grappled with this very choice and have spent considerable hours, years in prayer and in thought, determining what is appropriate for ourselves, our kids and especially our husbands. These decisions were not made lightly.

Third, many of you found your spouse attending after you released pressure on them. hmmmmm

Fourth, many spouses attend to make their wives happy and that works as well. hmmmmm

Fifth, the enemy is often at work in this situation. (Boy, is that the truth)

Okay, now I want to share a direct message that came to Lynn Donovan on the beach Thursday afternoon. The minute I heard these words, I knew Jesus was correcting my perspective and re-directing my path. The words spoken to me were what I needed to hear and penetrating. I am changed.

So, here goes…

I am fortunate enough to have a small group of friends from my church. We meet together once a week to review the pastor’s message and to pray for one another. Until this year, I was never comfortable as a “married-single” to be part of an intimate group like this. I always felt like a third wheel among all the couples. But, my friend, Pam, loved me so much and welcomed me after inviting me year after year to join the small community, that I felt ready. Thank you Pam!

Well, because most of the families in our group are on a budget, we look for inexpensive ways to enjoy the summer with our kids. The beach is perfect. Free rides on the waves, beach combing and you pack a lunch.

On Thursday, I arrived at the beach and joined a few of the other gals there. I sat down with Gina and Jolene and I shared with them my struggle with this church or no-church thing. They know me and my husband and listened with loving hearts and ears.

I explained my dilemma, “Jolene, it is just so hard to sit there (in church) when he is angry. I don’t want him there.”

Jolene, looked at me and she said. “So what.”

Hunh? No mercy here. Jolene isn’t one to beat around the bush.

She went on in a kind and loving voice. Her message was not to hurt but honestly to help. “Lynn, you know that my husband and I were unequally yoked for many years. He came to Christ a little over five years ago. But before he was saved I would literally be on my knees before the Lord, begging Him to place Himself anywhere and everywhere in front of my husband.”

Hunh?

“I would pray, “”Oh Father, place yourself in front of my man at every turn. Put a Christian man next to him on the airplane today. Father, let my husband catch a glimpse of you through a song, or something on television tonight. Lord, surround him with other business people who love You at his meeting today.””

“Lynn, I wanted my husband surrounded by the Lord. If you want the same, you will want him at church too. Let go of yourself here and if your man is willing to go to church then rejoice as you sit next to him, because the Lord is answering prayer.”

Gulp!

“Oh, Jolene, you are absolutely right.” I knew in my heart, for me, the right thing was to get over myself. And at that instant I did. How dare I let this be about me?

On Thursday as I sat under a cloudy sky at the beach, the Lord spoke. He didn’t speak audibly but through a wise and Jesus-loving friend, Jolene. I now pray much differently and with a new heart for my husband. I stopped asking the Lord to save my husband and to have him read the Bible and to open his spiritual eyes. These prayers are not wrong but I now I am moved to pray like this:

Oh Father, today let me just love him. Pour Your love into me is such a powerful and complete way that I am just bursting with You all over everyone and especially my husband. Father, I beg you to place Yourself before my man today. Be in front of him as he searches the employment boards for work today. Lord, place one or two men in his path at the store today or on the phone who know You. At the barbeque tonight, I ask that there would be one or two Christians who initiate a conversation with him. Lord, I ask you to surround him with You. Fill his morning, noon and night with some message that puts You smack in the front of his face. I ask Your will in his life and not my own.

Lord, YOU- sit on my throne.

 

You sit on my throne.

You sit on my throne.

I love you Jesus. I love you. Your humble servant, Lynn

Let’s Talk, Part 2

Last week we had a great discussion about communication. Lots of great comments and input. Let me see if I can summarize some of what was shared.

Talking: The true key to communication, although we do communicate with our body language and tone of voice, but we’ll leave that to another post. Kathleen gave us a good example of how she tried to meet her husband on his terms and interests. And based upon what she said, her efforts were rewarded. Her husband encouraged her. The point here is she took the time to find a way to involve herself in something her husband liked to do, therefore opening more opportunities for them to communicate and share. (Guess I’ll give disc golf another shot. Stay tuned for more on that one!)

Choices: Part of the underlying thread of communication is the choice to participate and even choose an activity conducive to talking. Having dinner instead of a movie. Taking a walk together for exercise instead of going to the gym and then going different directions. Or even doing activities in the same room—reading, like Gretchen’s example—but still keeping physical contact (there’s that body language again…) and being open to share and talk when the mood hits. Just be sure to pick an activity in which you and your spouse won’t mind interruptions. Kathryn made a great suggestion of having a regular date night. Here’s an opportunity to get creative in the planning and even challenge one another to try new things. Let’s admit it, part of the battle is falling into old routines that leave one or both spouses dissatisfied.

Part of this also applies to the situation like our anonymous friend shared. Yes, we want to reach out to our unbelieving spouses and find common ground, but we can’t compromise to sin in order to do it. God would never ask that of us anyway. Perhaps in anonymous’ case, the family could work together to find appropriate shows and movies they can watch together, and leave a clear boundary that he’s on his own when she and her son find the content offensive. Their actions will continue to speak volumes.

Setting Aside Agendas: With this comes Amber’s excellent point. Humility. If we can go into our effort to connect with our spouses with humility, with our own agendas set aside, perhaps we can reach them in new ways. Sure, it may mean doing something like wading through burrs and dry grass to find a Frisbee disc on a hot day, but am I willing to put aside my discomfort and make the point of the activity—to spend time together—the focus?

Rob gave us a reverse scenario of this one. He found something he felt would be interesting to both him and his wife. And not only that, it turned into an opportunity for him to share his faith. His persistence paid off.

Prayer: At the risk of sounding like a broken record, let’s pray and ask God to show us new ways to communicate with our spouses. When we’ve tried everything and have basically moved on to live separate lives for the most part as Grammy shared with us, I still believe God can break these barriers in ways we can’t even imagine. So yes, when we are in a difficult marriage, we should continue to grow and pursue our own interests, but we shouldn’t give up on our difficult spouses, nor throw that valuable respect Tamara talked about out the window. Nor should we keep ourselves stagnant just to make our spouse happy. The enemy would love nothing better. When we can’t seem to make any ground in these situations, God can. And we can too through his guiding hand and strength. (Phil. 4:13)

So, let's keep sharing new ways to communicate with our spouses. And if you see me on the disc golf range, be sure to wave hello. I’ll be the one picking burrs out of my socks.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Weekend Devo—Praying Fervently for our Children

In celebration of Father's Day, I'd like to share this wonderful article by Rick Warren with you. —Blessings! Dineen

Fathers: Pray Fervently for Your Children by Rick Warren

"I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those You have given Me, for they are Yours" (John 17:9 NIV).

Jesus reflected the father heart of God when He prayed for the disciples. As a father, or mother, you can pray that your children will focus on the five purposes of God.

God's five purposes for your children are the same as God's five purposes for your life, and the same as the five purposes for the church. Jesus prayed for all five purposes in the lives of those He was leading.

Jesus said, "I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those You have given me, for they are Yours" (John 17:9 NIV).

We can pray that our children will live for Christ joyfully: "I say these things while I'm still in the world so that they will have the same joy that I have" (John 17:13 GWT).

We can pray that our children will grow strong spiritually: "I'm not asking You to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one" (John 17:15 NLT).

We can pray that our children will serve Christ effectively: "Make them ready for Your service through Your truth; Your teaching is truth" (John 17:17 NCV).

We can pray that our children will experience fellowship personally: "My prayer . . . is that they will be of one heart and mind, just as You and I are one, Father . . . and the world will believe You sent me" (John 17:21 LB).

We can pray that our children will bring others to Christ regularly: "I pray not only for them, but also for those who will believe in Me because of their message" (John 17:20 TEV).

Even if you are not a father, or a mother, you will help others move toward the heart of God by praying for them and the purposes God has planned for their lives.

Are you listening, God?

Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise. — Proverbs 19:20

In My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers speaks frequently of the challenges in the valley, which he likens to the trials and travails of everyday life. Those moments on the spiritual mountain tops are fine for what they are but the true testing is in the daily living when nothing seems to be changing or happening. Therein lies the true test of our faith.

Those are often the moments we wonder, and even ask, if God is listening. I can remember many a time wondering this very thing. I prayed and prayed, yet no answer came. Over time, I've found one of three things to be true at these times.

Nothing's Changed. What I'm asking about, God has already clarified. Often times we doubt and wonder if we're still on track if God hasn't told us anything new. I've learned in this situation that's it's not that God isn't speaking, He just doesn't have anything new to say. This is a good sign that your on the right path and to keep going until God tells you otherwise.

It's not just about me. Several times I've been involved in a ministry or situation that involved another person. For example, years ago I wanted to start a woman's ministry at my church with another person. I knew this was something I should do, but when and how still remained a mystery. I prayed and prayed, growing more frustrated at God's silence. Then as events unfolded, it became clear through this other persons actions that God was waiting for her to make a choice, which wound up being a bad one. And how wise He was. Had I proceeded and jumped ahead, the ministry would have never succeeded had I involved this person.

Am I listening? It's not that God's isn't listening to me. I'm not listening to him. This is the hardest one for me, but one I'm having so much fun learning about right now! I read somewhere recently about asking God if He had anything to tell me or that I needed to know during my quiet time. I tended to rush off before he could speak. I'm amazed at how much more I hear from Him, and discern.

So when God seems oddly silent, go down your list of possible reasons why. And if you're like me, keep at it. We live in a busy world full of distractions and noise. Listening has truly become an art form. But with the Master, it's so worth it.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Weekend Devo — Are you with God?

"The Lord is with you when you are with Him." — Asariah, son of Oded (2 Chronicles 15:2)

Here's another one of those Scriptures that kept my interest for days. It fascinates me to find something I could so clearly hear Jesus say in the Old Testament. But that makes sense, doesn't it? After all, Jesus said he didn't come to replace the Law, but to fulfill it.

Asariah's words were profound then for battle and they are true for us today. Through obedience to God's will we find freedom, peace, and enjoy his blessings. With this Scripture I sensed this to be a time of needed prayer. Hope you'll pray this with me:

Father God, you are always there, always faithful. We stand in awe of your presence and we are so honored that you love us and want to be with us. We live in a crazy world full of confusion, disparity, cruelty, and evil. Yet if we stay close to You, we can witness true peace, love, sacrifice, and goodness.

Lord, help us to "stay with you." Help us to be faithful and faithfilled. When we despair in our lives and especially in our marriages, give us wisdom and guidance so we may persevere. Remind us constantly to keep our eyes on you and no where else. And when we feel impatient and discontent, fill our hearts with your presence and remind us that your all we need.

Jesus, You gave your all for us. Help us to give our all for you. In your holy and precious name, amen!

Praying and believing,
Dineen

What kind of people are you?

"This is the meaning of the parable: The seed is the word of God. Those along the path are the ones who hear, and then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved. Those on the rock are the ones who receive the word with joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away. The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life's worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature. But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop." — Luke 8:11-15 (NIV)

Last Friday I read Luke 8: 11-15. God kept me in verse 12 for two days. Specifically this part: "so that they may not believe and be saved." When God holds me in one place, I know he's revealing something to me, but this one was very subtle and definitely referred to my sweet hubby.

By Saturday, I understood that God was showing me what kind of "people" my guy was. He'd heard the Word as a child and a teenager, the seeds had been scattered on his path, but somewhere along the line, the enemy came and snatched them away.

What fascinates me is how the following verses describe four kinds of people. (Special thanks to my Life Application Bible for more understanding as well.)

Path people: Like my husband, these are the ones who never benefit from the seeds taking root. The seeds never had a chance to take root, because the enemy swooped in and plucked them up like a hungry bird devouring everything in sight.

Rock people: These are the people who whose seeds start to grow, but the trials of life uproot them. Since they never had a firm foundation of soil (commitment, trust and obedience), these seeds never had a chance to survive this kind of testing. The poor little guys have a brief burst of growth, and then the first wind or storm to come along takes them out.

Thorn patch people: The worries, riches and pleasures of the world choke out the seeds in these people. The seeds start to grow, but all those thorns steal the stuff they need to grow—sunlight, nutrients, oxygen. Without these necessary sustainers, life (joy, peace, faith) simply dies out.

Good soil people: These are the people who truly produce fruit. Their foundation of soil is fertile and ready. The seeds scattered here take deep root and keep producing over and over again. And because of that establishment (faith), they persevere through all weather conditions.

So in summary, you can look at it this way:

Path people—the enemy steals the seeds
Rock people—trials stunt or stop growth
Thorn patch people—stuck in the world
Good soil people—produces fruit

By Sunday I understood the why of what God showed me—how to pray for my husband. I could see his unbelief in a new light, and pray for any of those lingering seeds hidden in a nook or cranny to take root. That even snippets of Scripture would come back as evidence of God's presence and pursuit of him.

No matter how our loved ones got to where they are, we know we are to persevere in prayer. But sometimes knowing the cause can help us know how to fight and pray.

What kind of "person" is your unbelieving spouse or loved one? What kind of "person" are you?

Praying and believing,
Dineen

What's Your Story?

For the last two days I've read the story of Zechariah and his prophecy at the end of Luke 1. As a writer of fiction too, I tend to put myself in these stories and imagine the scene, the character motivations, and what those around them must have thought. Well, my writer brain wound up stuck in this story for two days!

First of all, I got a chuckle out of the people signing at Zechariah to ask what he wanted his son named. The man was mute, not deaf. (Hee hee...) But how real to life is that? It's like someone speaking really loud to a person who doesn't understand English. Like the higher volume will help them suddenly understand the language.

But what really ran deep with me in this story was the time line. For thousands of years, the Jews lived with the Messianic prophecies as something that would happen in the future. They didn't know when. Then Zechariah comes along and puts a definite time frame on something so profound as the Messiah's coming.

I thought of those there for John's circumcision, listening to this priest speak of his son going before the Messiah to prepare the way. Not only did he speak great things about John, but he put a very real and tangible time to when their long awaited "horn of salvation" was coming.

Yet thirty years would pass before Jesus entered his ministry. Did those who witnessed the loosening of Zechariah's tongue and prophecy begin to doubt and wonder as the years passed? As John grew up, did his father's words fall to the wayside for some? Or were they confirmed with each passing day? (And if Elizabeth and Mary were cousins, why didn't Jesus and John meet sooner? The questions are unending!)

My point is, these people had to wait a long time to see if what Zechariah said would really come true. Did they wait expectantly? Or did they begin to doubt?

As I've said before, waiting is a big part of the unequally yoked marriage. As the years pass, it's easy to doubt, to let our prayers lag, and to lose hope. Yet even in this, God gives us examples of people waiting like in Zechariah's story and so many more. These are stories rich in faith and perseverance. Stories of people who didn't give up, even against insurmountable odds.

They are our predecessors and examples of some of the greatest callings recorded. And I can't think of a greater calling than praying without ceasing for the salvation of a loved one.

Even when the odds seem stacked against us, we know our God is a God of Hope and a Keeper of Promises. And with that we can make our own stories of perseverance and faith.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

My Life with a Non-believer by Leslie Miller

Yesterday when I asked my daughter what I should write about this week, she offered to write it for me. So, without further ado, my precious (15 and still recovering) daughter Leslie...

Growing up with a mother who is Christian and a father who is an atheist isn't always easy. I always look at him and think in my mind, "How can he not be Christian?" He's always kind to others and handles things with grace. He barely ever looses his temper.

It was and still is hard for me to understand why he isn't a believer. My mother handles this with such grace, it amazes me. She has told me before that it's not always easy, but she will not stop trying because she loves him.

I never really talk to my dad about it. I don't like to make him uncomfortable. I do show him that I am a believer and have faith. One way I show him this is if I'm having a hard time, and he says everything will be fine, I answer back, "I know it will be fine, because God has my back and won't let anything happen to me." Whenever i say something like that he just smiles or says, "Ok." I look at him and in my mind, I'm screaming, "How can he not believe? How can he turn his back to God?"

I look at my mother and it always goes through my mind that she must be so strong to be able to handle this and to always have faith. My mother is my role model when it comes to having faith. My father is my role model when it comes to handling situations. I pray every night that God will turn my father to him.

I admit there are times when I feel like God's not listening or refuses to help me. I know this all a lie and that he will always help me. But when I see my father, I get mad in my heart that God hasn't done anything yet. I love my dad so much, I cant bare to see him pass away without knowing Christ.

I just need to stand strong along side my mother and help support her through hard times when it comes to my father. I know one day he will turn his face to Christ and realize that he cannot live without him. When that day comes, I will turn my face to heaven and cry out, "Holy is the Lord and glory to His almighty power."  

*    *    *    *
That's my girl, one of God's precious gifts to me.
Praying and believing,
Dineen

The Call to Fight

In my journey through the Bible, God’s showing me a constant thread of struggle and perseverance. From Jacob to Joseph to Moses and the Israelites.

In Genesis 32, Jacob is faced with a potential disaster. His brother Esau is coming with 400 men, and Jacob fears the worst. He even prepares for the confrontation by dividing his people and possessions into two camps. In verses 9-12 he revisits God’s promise of prosperity.

Then Jacob prayed, “O God of my father Abraham, God of my father Isaac, O LORD, who said to me, ‘Go back to your country and your relatives, and I will make you prosper,’ I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have shown your servant. I had only my staff when I crossed this Jordan, but now I have become two groups. Save me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me, and also the mothers with their children. But you have said, ‘I will surely make you prosper and will make your descendants like the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted.’”

Jacob has struggled with God enough in the past to stop this time and remember God’s promise before reacting. He even reminds God of it. Back in Genesis 28 Jacob reached a turning point by claiming his faith as his own (see verses 20-22). And now, by revisiting God’s promise, Jacob’s faith is re-enforced.

Then there’s Joseph. I think this is my absolute favorite story in the Bible. I’ve imagined many a time the desolation Joseph must have felt to be hated by his brothers and sold into slavery. I’ve marveled at how God favored him and gave him success, even in prison. And then the anguish to see his brothers and not be recognized.

Joseph endured years of slavery and imprisonment to fulfill a purpose God set in place long ago. Amazingly, Joseph understands this and even tells his brothers, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” (Genesis 50:20 NIV)

Here we see a glimpse of Romans 8:28 in action. Joseph’s story is truly one of perseverance and supernatural faith.

From Streams in the Desert: “Joseph had more sorrow than all the other sons of Jacob, and it led him out into a ministry of bread for all nations.” — The Heavenly Life

And now to Moses and the Israelites. In Exodus 5, the conditions for the Israelites have gone from livable to treacherous. And they blame Moses—the man who’s brought a message of freedom from God—for their worsening state. The phrase “darkest before the dawn” epitomizes the thickening of battle before the victory. When se stand up to evil and injustice, when we obey God in ways that offend the world (or our spouses), we will meet opposition.

We don’t like this persecution and our fist instinct is to back off. To cry for things to go back to bearable like the Israelites did. But to do so means losing the battle. And it is in the midst of this battle that faith is so critical. We must continue to believe we don’t fight alone.

In Exodus 14, the Egyptians are in hot pursuit of the Israelites, who despair they are to die in the desert. Moses reminds them who is in control with these profound words.

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still.”

This simple statement is so full of God’s love and pure intentions. Even despite the Israelites lack of faith, God is fighting for his people. He’s there in the thick of the fight and his promise still stands.

The Israelites were called to face a great challenge, as are we who are unequally yoked. But we need not fear. We need simply to obey God’s call, be still in Him, and let God fight the battle for our spouses. But we must do our part.

“God will give us the victory when we join Him in the fight.” —Upper Room Ministries, January 22

Join God in the fight. Pray without ceasing. Have faith. Trust. Believe.

And guess what?

God always wins.

Praying and believing,
Dineen