Spiritually Unequal Marriage

Second-Hand God?

"I'll never again live on the crusts of hearsay, crumbs of rumor." — Job 42:6 The Message

I love this line from the Message translation, because even Job made the same mistake we do sometimes. We rely more on what people and books tell us about God than really getting to know God through prayer and reading his Word ourselves.

We get lazy. We let other people and things do the work for us—our pastor's Sunday sermon, books  about Christianity, or even a friend's perspective. Nothing is wrong with any of these things. On the contrary, they enrich our faith walk, but they can't be the heart of our belief.

Any relationship takes work, but the effort is usually much more rewarding than trusting a third party go-between. Think of it this way. Let's say you meet the person you're one day going to marry (only you don't know that yet). Your friend is with you at the time, too. You really like this guy/girl and want to know more. Then you find out your friend knows this person quite well because they've been pretty good friends for a while. She's even written down things about him in her journal.

You ask questions. Your friend tells you what she knows. You read her journal entries about him. As you ask more questions, you continue to listen to her interpretation of who this guy is and you come to "know" him through your friend's perspective.

But do you really know him? Do you understand who he is? Can your friend give you the complete picture of who this person is and what they're like? Don't you want to know for yourself? I mean, what if this is the guy you wind up marrying?

You wouldn't want to get to know your spouse through another person, so why do the same thing with God? And the best way to get to know God—and to keep learning about him—is to pray and read the Bible.

As one of those people who used to rely more on books and sermons than the real deal, I can tell you there's a big difference in knowing about God and experiencing him. And the more we experience God, the more he shows in our lives, which is the ultimate strength of our testimony to our unbelieving spouses.

Find out for yourself. Make a commitment to seek God and to really know who he is first hand. Experience him. I know you won't be disappointed.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Church or no-Church; The Conclusion

It’s a typical hot July day here in sunny Southern California. It’s Sunday afternoon. I am in my office and I can hear my hubby clearing the kitchen of the lunch dishes. I am remembering the morning. I woke today wondering about church or no church. Would he go? Would he stay home?

What do you think happened this morning?

Before I tell you how the morning played out let’s rewind, I think it was Wednesday – no Thursday. My husband and I were in the family room watching television. I can’t recall how this conversation began but, the television was quieted as we discussed the upcoming weekend get-togethers on the calendar.

During this conversation I inserted, “No matter what, you will find this girl in church come Sunday morning.” I smiled. “I have missed it and can’t wait to be there this week.” You see, I haven’t attended now for two weeks. It feels like two years. I made certain that my tone of voice was kind and even keeled as I spoke. I didn’t want him to feel guilt or judgment. I only wanted to assert that church this weekend, was one event I would not miss. The unspoken message hung above us. You are free to go with me; you are free to stay home.

He changed his posture sitting up and leaning forward he said, “You do know that for the past couple of Sunday’s I was willing to attend church. I set the alarm and would have gone with you.”

I should clarify right now that it was me who chose to stay home over the past two Sundays. Not because I was pouting or angry or trying to make a point. I just felt like I needed to be home and let things settle out.

I looked at my man, “You know, I am completely sincere about this Honey, don’t go to church just to please me. Don’t go because you think it will make me happy or that it’s good for our marriage. I promise you, it is okay to stay home and I won’t be mad.”

“I wasn’t planning to go just for you. I want to go for me too.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Fast forward. It’s Sunday morning. My guy was up late the night before, so I pretty much knew he wouldn’t roll out of bed in time. Then…….

Behold!

At 9:10 a.m. he shuffled down the hall in search of coffee. A miracle in itself, as he is a definite night owl and up later than usual to boot. I smiled at his tired face. He mumbled something about a nap and sat down with his steaming mug.

I headed off to get dressed and he followed shortly. He was moving slow and I thought to myself, we are going to be late again. But, I kept those words to myself for once and gave him grace.

We arrived at church, the three of us, including teen-daughter. We sat down in the sanctuary with one minute to spare. We were at church together. No anger, no rolling of the eyes, no pressure, no guilt, only love.

Now that’s a great end to this story.

Sometimes I just sit down and ask Jesus, “Why are you so patient with me? I seem to make things harder for You, Lord. Forgive me.”

I have learned many lessons over the past several weeks. It is hard to share with you how my selfishness can get in the way of God’s efforts, how human I can be, and how I can struggle to truly practice what I preach. Gulp, but I pray that someone will read this story and realize that God will go to great lengths to change a selfish little girl like me and to reach out to an unbeliever like my husband. He NEVER stops working on our character, our relationships nor our marriages. He never stops pursing the lost.

And He will never give up on you either. NEVER!

He loves us that much. How awesome is that?

Be Blessed, Lynn

Church or no-Church, Part I

Church or no-Church, Part II

Church or no-Church, Part III

When God Leads

“When you sense an answer from the Lord and your husband doesn't, how do you communicate WHY you feel moved to do what God said?”

A friend of mine posed this question to me recently. At first I didn’t know how to answer, because I couldn’t recall a situation where this happened. Don’t you know God brought a time to mind as I relayed a story to someone a couple weeks later?

Almost two years ago, my daughter started talking about getting a dog. We already had four cats, so I didn’t take her idea too seriously, nor did her dad. Yet, she persisted and even found the dog she wanted in an online search. A search that shouldn’t have shown her this particular dog, but for some reason did. That was my first inkling God was at work.

As the week progressed, I sensed deep in my spirit that my daughter needed this dog. She’d had a difficult time in seventh grade, and I’d decided to homeschool her for the next school year in an attempt to see if we could help her depression.

But how could I explain this to my husband? I knew if I brought God into the discussion, the validity of my case would diminish. So, I presented it as a mother trying to do what she thought best. I knew this dog would be important to our daughter and that’s exactly how I presented the situation, with a lot of prayer of course.

At the time my husband trusted my judgment, and now he too sees how important this special dog has been to our daughter, especially during her brain surgeries, treatment, and now her recovery. In the two years since, what I sensed from God has been affirmed over and over again as his way of preparing us for what laid ahead and providing what we would need to persevere.

Through prayers and God’s guidance I was able to present my position in a way that respected my husband and honored God.

As unequally yoked spouses, these types of situations are inevitable, but if God’s the one leading us in a certain direction, he’ll surely help us get there.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Weekend Devo—Finding God in the Little Things

Amazing how the littlest word or gesture can go a long way. I'm going on a mini retreat next week with two friends from church. We've tired to plan this for several years and finally found a way to work it out. Tahoe here we come!

But what's so funny to me is that I'm more excited about two little bracelets I found for these two dear women who have meant so much to me over the last six years.

The bracelet in the picture is the one I got for myself. It says Hope, Faith, and Love with hearts, crosses, and ichthuses in between the words. The other two have Bible verses on them, which will have special meaning for my friends. They've both had to deal with a lot over the last year, and God has shown his faithfulness over and over again.

It's these little things that can sometimes carry us through the trials of life. I've learned to recognize even the smallest of moments as a blessing from God. Laughter has come to mean so much to me and my family these last nine months.

 How about you? What little things or memories bring to mind God's love and faithfulness? And how can we bring these moments to those around us during difficult times?

A special word of encouragement, a hug, a wagging dog's tail. God's in it all.

HAPPY 4TH!!!
Hope you have a blessed day full of these special moments.
Dineen

Attending Chruch Alone Church or no-Church. What is a Girl to Do?

Continued from Monday.

I just couldn’t do it any longer. Sacrifice another morning. I survive because of those two little hours where I refuel, gain perspective and fill my soul with spiritual strength in order to face the week ahead and the spiritual battles which are inevitable.

His non-confrontational persona leapt forward and he mumbled something inaudible and shuffled myself and my daughter into a row. My eyes burned but I was able to sit through the service.

Which brings us to yesterday (last week), actually rewind a bit further to late Saturday evening. We arrived home after an evening with friends. I am angry because it is 1:00 a.m. and church in the morning is now doubtful. It is then that I decide the last straw has landed on my back. Such strange timing.

I launch into this tirade, “It looks like I am going to miss church again. I am angry because we were out late and you did nothing to wrap up the evening at an hour to allow me rest and to get up early to attend church with my small group.”

There is much more to this building dynamic which is the result of numerous repeats of this scenario. You will have to trust me on this. I didn’t freak-out over a single event. This is a long in the making.

Now bear with me on this me because this exchange appears selfish and in fact it may be. However, at this moment, I am truly over it! I don’t want my husband to EVER attend church with me again unless he wants to. The conversation ended with me flopping into bed.

The next morning, “Sweetie, I want you to know that I in fact, was planning to attend church with you. Not because it would make you happy but because I wanted to.”

Sheesh!

We didn’t make it to church. As I write this post, I am puzzling. How could I traverse a complete 360 about this most important topic and really mean it? More perplexing, I haven’t been able to work through the rightness of it nor God’s perspective (yet).

The way I see it, for years, I applied pressure on my husband to such a degree that he attended church ONLY to make me happy. The result, he finally starts attending we are both miserable.

This is my dilemma. I believed, with all that I am, church would reach my husband. Untrue as of right now. Furthermore, I think I am happier about going alone than sitting by my man and feeling the stress of his displeasure.

I know many of you KNOW exactly what I speak of. I am unable as of this moment to give you the answer but the answer I seek. Not only for me but for you who have also faced or will face this strange turn of events.

I commit this to you my friends, God has brought this situation alive and to the forefront. He is preparing a learning moment, dare I say, a paradigm shift for me and for many of you. I am seeking the truth of navigating – church or no-church, with fervent prayer and a persistence not present before.

Our Lord has never failed to show me the truth of my situations, marriage, parenting, friendships. I will remain faithful and trust He will do the same in this. And, when I know. You will know.

Until then, I want to hear from you and how many of you traverse the quandary of, Church or no-church. Share with me. Be Blessed, Lynn

I plan to talk with you about what I am learning about myself, this situation, about my husband's journey and our Great Big God on Monday. Please tune in for that conversation. It is gonna be good. Love ya! Lynn

Let’s Talk, Part 2

Last week we had a great discussion about communication. Lots of great comments and input. Let me see if I can summarize some of what was shared.

Talking: The true key to communication, although we do communicate with our body language and tone of voice, but we’ll leave that to another post. Kathleen gave us a good example of how she tried to meet her husband on his terms and interests. And based upon what she said, her efforts were rewarded. Her husband encouraged her. The point here is she took the time to find a way to involve herself in something her husband liked to do, therefore opening more opportunities for them to communicate and share. (Guess I’ll give disc golf another shot. Stay tuned for more on that one!)

Choices: Part of the underlying thread of communication is the choice to participate and even choose an activity conducive to talking. Having dinner instead of a movie. Taking a walk together for exercise instead of going to the gym and then going different directions. Or even doing activities in the same room—reading, like Gretchen’s example—but still keeping physical contact (there’s that body language again…) and being open to share and talk when the mood hits. Just be sure to pick an activity in which you and your spouse won’t mind interruptions. Kathryn made a great suggestion of having a regular date night. Here’s an opportunity to get creative in the planning and even challenge one another to try new things. Let’s admit it, part of the battle is falling into old routines that leave one or both spouses dissatisfied.

Part of this also applies to the situation like our anonymous friend shared. Yes, we want to reach out to our unbelieving spouses and find common ground, but we can’t compromise to sin in order to do it. God would never ask that of us anyway. Perhaps in anonymous’ case, the family could work together to find appropriate shows and movies they can watch together, and leave a clear boundary that he’s on his own when she and her son find the content offensive. Their actions will continue to speak volumes.

Setting Aside Agendas: With this comes Amber’s excellent point. Humility. If we can go into our effort to connect with our spouses with humility, with our own agendas set aside, perhaps we can reach them in new ways. Sure, it may mean doing something like wading through burrs and dry grass to find a Frisbee disc on a hot day, but am I willing to put aside my discomfort and make the point of the activity—to spend time together—the focus?

Rob gave us a reverse scenario of this one. He found something he felt would be interesting to both him and his wife. And not only that, it turned into an opportunity for him to share his faith. His persistence paid off.

Prayer: At the risk of sounding like a broken record, let’s pray and ask God to show us new ways to communicate with our spouses. When we’ve tried everything and have basically moved on to live separate lives for the most part as Grammy shared with us, I still believe God can break these barriers in ways we can’t even imagine. So yes, when we are in a difficult marriage, we should continue to grow and pursue our own interests, but we shouldn’t give up on our difficult spouses, nor throw that valuable respect Tamara talked about out the window. Nor should we keep ourselves stagnant just to make our spouse happy. The enemy would love nothing better. When we can’t seem to make any ground in these situations, God can. And we can too through his guiding hand and strength. (Phil. 4:13)

So, let's keep sharing new ways to communicate with our spouses. And if you see me on the disc golf range, be sure to wave hello. I’ll be the one picking burrs out of my socks.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Weekend Devo—Praying Fervently for our Children

In celebration of Father's Day, I'd like to share this wonderful article by Rick Warren with you. —Blessings! Dineen

Fathers: Pray Fervently for Your Children by Rick Warren

"I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those You have given Me, for they are Yours" (John 17:9 NIV).

Jesus reflected the father heart of God when He prayed for the disciples. As a father, or mother, you can pray that your children will focus on the five purposes of God.

God's five purposes for your children are the same as God's five purposes for your life, and the same as the five purposes for the church. Jesus prayed for all five purposes in the lives of those He was leading.

Jesus said, "I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those You have given me, for they are Yours" (John 17:9 NIV).

We can pray that our children will live for Christ joyfully: "I say these things while I'm still in the world so that they will have the same joy that I have" (John 17:13 GWT).

We can pray that our children will grow strong spiritually: "I'm not asking You to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one" (John 17:15 NLT).

We can pray that our children will serve Christ effectively: "Make them ready for Your service through Your truth; Your teaching is truth" (John 17:17 NCV).

We can pray that our children will experience fellowship personally: "My prayer . . . is that they will be of one heart and mind, just as You and I are one, Father . . . and the world will believe You sent me" (John 17:21 LB).

We can pray that our children will bring others to Christ regularly: "I pray not only for them, but also for those who will believe in Me because of their message" (John 17:20 TEV).

Even if you are not a father, or a mother, you will help others move toward the heart of God by praying for them and the purposes God has planned for their lives.

Pride is a Cheater

Pride is a Cheater

My name is Pride. I am a cheater.
I cheat you of your God-given destiny...because
you demand your own way.

I cheat you of contentment...because
you "deserve better than this."

I cheat you of knowledge ...because
you already know it all.

I cheat you of healing...because
you're too full of me to forgive.

I cheat you of holiness...because
you refuse to admit when your wrong.

I cheat you of vision...because
you'd rather look in the mirror than out a window.

I cheat you of genuine friendship...because
nobody's going to know the real you.

I cheat you of love...because
real romance demands sacrifice.

I cheat you of greatness in Heaven...because
you refuse to wash another's feet on earth.

I cheat you of God's glory...because
I convince you to seek your own.

My name is Pride. I am a cheater.

You like me because you think I'm always looking out for you.

Untrue.

I'm looking to make a fool of you.

God has so much for you, I admit, but don't worry...
If you stick with me

You'll never know.

~ Beth Moore
Praying God's Word.

You need this video. If you are traveling in the valley, now is your moment to see some daylight. If you are walking on the mountain top, you are about to walk on the very summit. Today you will be encouraged, I promise. Eight tiny minutes. It is so very worth it.

PS. YOU are God's original masterpiece! Have a blessed day, Lynn

Lynn is God's original masterpiece!

Are you listening, God?

Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise. — Proverbs 19:20

In My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers speaks frequently of the challenges in the valley, which he likens to the trials and travails of everyday life. Those moments on the spiritual mountain tops are fine for what they are but the true testing is in the daily living when nothing seems to be changing or happening. Therein lies the true test of our faith.

Those are often the moments we wonder, and even ask, if God is listening. I can remember many a time wondering this very thing. I prayed and prayed, yet no answer came. Over time, I've found one of three things to be true at these times.

Nothing's Changed. What I'm asking about, God has already clarified. Often times we doubt and wonder if we're still on track if God hasn't told us anything new. I've learned in this situation that's it's not that God isn't speaking, He just doesn't have anything new to say. This is a good sign that your on the right path and to keep going until God tells you otherwise.

It's not just about me. Several times I've been involved in a ministry or situation that involved another person. For example, years ago I wanted to start a woman's ministry at my church with another person. I knew this was something I should do, but when and how still remained a mystery. I prayed and prayed, growing more frustrated at God's silence. Then as events unfolded, it became clear through this other persons actions that God was waiting for her to make a choice, which wound up being a bad one. And how wise He was. Had I proceeded and jumped ahead, the ministry would have never succeeded had I involved this person.

Am I listening? It's not that God's isn't listening to me. I'm not listening to him. This is the hardest one for me, but one I'm having so much fun learning about right now! I read somewhere recently about asking God if He had anything to tell me or that I needed to know during my quiet time. I tended to rush off before he could speak. I'm amazed at how much more I hear from Him, and discern.

So when God seems oddly silent, go down your list of possible reasons why. And if you're like me, keep at it. We live in a busy world full of distractions and noise. Listening has truly become an art form. But with the Master, it's so worth it.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Five Valuable Questions

You know how you have those times where you think things are going well? Quiet time's in place, you're more in love with your spouse than ever, and your kids (all of them!) are actually doing well and handling their responsibilities without making it an act of congress on your part. (I actually have one of those, btw—an Act of Congress. No kidding!)

Well, right now I'm not in one of those times. I'm struggling. I don't know why. I'm pretty sure the enemy is partly to blame. The road has gotten quite bumpy of late. And I'll share with you one recent detail because so many of you prayed for my daughter when she was diagnosed with a brain tumor (and still doing well!)—we found out last weekend that my father's cancer has metastasized to his brain. Yes, a brain tumor.

These are the times that we want to ask God, "Why?" Honestly, when I found this out, I didn't. Dad's battled cancer for six years and done well, exceeding his original "one year" diagnosis. He's beaten the odds. And he's a fighter who tells me, "It ain't over yet," and "Now, my granddaughter and I really do have something in common!"

But how stealthily the stress of life invades our balance until we're so out of whack, we stagger and even fall down. Times like these can really test what we believe to be our limitations and definitions of what we think we can handle. And this can seem a valid consideration within the confines of our own strength.

Yet this is the most critical time of all to look upward. Through all these struggles, with our spouses, our children, our jobs, our finances, our families, our neighbors, our society, our government—God is always there, reviewing and approving. Or reviewing and rejecting. He's the great sifter in charge of what gets through and what doesn't.

Now for some that may seem like he's cruel to let through some of the stuff he does. But that's a downward viewpoint. An upward shift in our perspective gives us a whole new picture, one in which nothing is wasted and everything is redeemed for a higher purpose and calling. I find great comfort in that, because God is in complete control, giving us whatever we need to handle what lies ahead. He prepares us, comforts us, and restores us. We walk the trials and come out the other side stronger, more prepared for what comes next, and in a position to share what we've learned. We become more Christ-like.

In 1 Corinthians 7:17, Paul says, "Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him." Perhaps the question we need to ask is not "why," but...

Who: Who do I need to share this testimony with so that they may be encouraged?

What: What can I learn from this and apply to the next situation?

When: When do I move forward and when should I be still?

Where: Where does God want me to go/look/seek next?

How: How can this situation glorify God?

Yes, I'm struggling, but I'm looking upward and clinging to God—trusting him to help me find my balance and stability again. And perhaps that's why God allows these times so that we can remember that he's the one we need to look to for that steadiness. Not ourselves. 

Praying and believing,
Dineen