Spiritually Unequal Marriage

Second-Hand God?

"I'll never again live on the crusts of hearsay, crumbs of rumor." — Job 42:6 The Message

I love this line from the Message translation, because even Job made the same mistake we do sometimes. We rely more on what people and books tell us about God than really getting to know God through prayer and reading his Word ourselves.

We get lazy. We let other people and things do the work for us—our pastor's Sunday sermon, books  about Christianity, or even a friend's perspective. Nothing is wrong with any of these things. On the contrary, they enrich our faith walk, but they can't be the heart of our belief.

Any relationship takes work, but the effort is usually much more rewarding than trusting a third party go-between. Think of it this way. Let's say you meet the person you're one day going to marry (only you don't know that yet). Your friend is with you at the time, too. You really like this guy/girl and want to know more. Then you find out your friend knows this person quite well because they've been pretty good friends for a while. She's even written down things about him in her journal.

You ask questions. Your friend tells you what she knows. You read her journal entries about him. As you ask more questions, you continue to listen to her interpretation of who this guy is and you come to "know" him through your friend's perspective.

But do you really know him? Do you understand who he is? Can your friend give you the complete picture of who this person is and what they're like? Don't you want to know for yourself? I mean, what if this is the guy you wind up marrying?

You wouldn't want to get to know your spouse through another person, so why do the same thing with God? And the best way to get to know God—and to keep learning about him—is to pray and read the Bible.

As one of those people who used to rely more on books and sermons than the real deal, I can tell you there's a big difference in knowing about God and experiencing him. And the more we experience God, the more he shows in our lives, which is the ultimate strength of our testimony to our unbelieving spouses.

Find out for yourself. Make a commitment to seek God and to really know who he is first hand. Experience him. I know you won't be disappointed.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

When God Leads

“When you sense an answer from the Lord and your husband doesn't, how do you communicate WHY you feel moved to do what God said?”

A friend of mine posed this question to me recently. At first I didn’t know how to answer, because I couldn’t recall a situation where this happened. Don’t you know God brought a time to mind as I relayed a story to someone a couple weeks later?

Almost two years ago, my daughter started talking about getting a dog. We already had four cats, so I didn’t take her idea too seriously, nor did her dad. Yet, she persisted and even found the dog she wanted in an online search. A search that shouldn’t have shown her this particular dog, but for some reason did. That was my first inkling God was at work.

As the week progressed, I sensed deep in my spirit that my daughter needed this dog. She’d had a difficult time in seventh grade, and I’d decided to homeschool her for the next school year in an attempt to see if we could help her depression.

But how could I explain this to my husband? I knew if I brought God into the discussion, the validity of my case would diminish. So, I presented it as a mother trying to do what she thought best. I knew this dog would be important to our daughter and that’s exactly how I presented the situation, with a lot of prayer of course.

At the time my husband trusted my judgment, and now he too sees how important this special dog has been to our daughter, especially during her brain surgeries, treatment, and now her recovery. In the two years since, what I sensed from God has been affirmed over and over again as his way of preparing us for what laid ahead and providing what we would need to persevere.

Through prayers and God’s guidance I was able to present my position in a way that respected my husband and honored God.

As unequally yoked spouses, these types of situations are inevitable, but if God’s the one leading us in a certain direction, he’ll surely help us get there.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Weekend Devo—Finding God in the Little Things

Amazing how the littlest word or gesture can go a long way. I'm going on a mini retreat next week with two friends from church. We've tired to plan this for several years and finally found a way to work it out. Tahoe here we come!

But what's so funny to me is that I'm more excited about two little bracelets I found for these two dear women who have meant so much to me over the last six years.

The bracelet in the picture is the one I got for myself. It says Hope, Faith, and Love with hearts, crosses, and ichthuses in between the words. The other two have Bible verses on them, which will have special meaning for my friends. They've both had to deal with a lot over the last year, and God has shown his faithfulness over and over again.

It's these little things that can sometimes carry us through the trials of life. I've learned to recognize even the smallest of moments as a blessing from God. Laughter has come to mean so much to me and my family these last nine months.

 How about you? What little things or memories bring to mind God's love and faithfulness? And how can we bring these moments to those around us during difficult times?

A special word of encouragement, a hug, a wagging dog's tail. God's in it all.

HAPPY 4TH!!!
Hope you have a blessed day full of these special moments.
Dineen

Let’s Talk, Part 2

Last week we had a great discussion about communication. Lots of great comments and input. Let me see if I can summarize some of what was shared.

Talking: The true key to communication, although we do communicate with our body language and tone of voice, but we’ll leave that to another post. Kathleen gave us a good example of how she tried to meet her husband on his terms and interests. And based upon what she said, her efforts were rewarded. Her husband encouraged her. The point here is she took the time to find a way to involve herself in something her husband liked to do, therefore opening more opportunities for them to communicate and share. (Guess I’ll give disc golf another shot. Stay tuned for more on that one!)

Choices: Part of the underlying thread of communication is the choice to participate and even choose an activity conducive to talking. Having dinner instead of a movie. Taking a walk together for exercise instead of going to the gym and then going different directions. Or even doing activities in the same room—reading, like Gretchen’s example—but still keeping physical contact (there’s that body language again…) and being open to share and talk when the mood hits. Just be sure to pick an activity in which you and your spouse won’t mind interruptions. Kathryn made a great suggestion of having a regular date night. Here’s an opportunity to get creative in the planning and even challenge one another to try new things. Let’s admit it, part of the battle is falling into old routines that leave one or both spouses dissatisfied.

Part of this also applies to the situation like our anonymous friend shared. Yes, we want to reach out to our unbelieving spouses and find common ground, but we can’t compromise to sin in order to do it. God would never ask that of us anyway. Perhaps in anonymous’ case, the family could work together to find appropriate shows and movies they can watch together, and leave a clear boundary that he’s on his own when she and her son find the content offensive. Their actions will continue to speak volumes.

Setting Aside Agendas: With this comes Amber’s excellent point. Humility. If we can go into our effort to connect with our spouses with humility, with our own agendas set aside, perhaps we can reach them in new ways. Sure, it may mean doing something like wading through burrs and dry grass to find a Frisbee disc on a hot day, but am I willing to put aside my discomfort and make the point of the activity—to spend time together—the focus?

Rob gave us a reverse scenario of this one. He found something he felt would be interesting to both him and his wife. And not only that, it turned into an opportunity for him to share his faith. His persistence paid off.

Prayer: At the risk of sounding like a broken record, let’s pray and ask God to show us new ways to communicate with our spouses. When we’ve tried everything and have basically moved on to live separate lives for the most part as Grammy shared with us, I still believe God can break these barriers in ways we can’t even imagine. So yes, when we are in a difficult marriage, we should continue to grow and pursue our own interests, but we shouldn’t give up on our difficult spouses, nor throw that valuable respect Tamara talked about out the window. Nor should we keep ourselves stagnant just to make our spouse happy. The enemy would love nothing better. When we can’t seem to make any ground in these situations, God can. And we can too through his guiding hand and strength. (Phil. 4:13)

So, let's keep sharing new ways to communicate with our spouses. And if you see me on the disc golf range, be sure to wave hello. I’ll be the one picking burrs out of my socks.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Let's Talk

Communication is a vital part of any relationship. And I'll be honest. Right now I'm not communicating very well with my hubby. Thanks to some wonderful prayer warriors, I can sense it's getting better, but I'm still not quite on track, or where I'd like to be. Because, let's face it, in a SUM, it's like we're constantly on stage, don't you think? I know I do. We want to our unbelieving spouses to witness what God's done or doing in our lives, but that's not always easy.

So, let's hang out and talk a little bit here about the challenges of communication and how we can find ways to improve our talking, and listening skills.

One area I think makes a big difference in communication is staying connected. This can be a real challenge in any kind of marriage. We grow older, our interests change, and before you know it, you're more like two people living separate lives who occasionally intersect than a married couple.

I know I've tried playing an online game with my hubby, and even went disc golfing with him once. But I'm finding myself more challenged to find things we can connect with and through, since our beliefs are so different.

So, what have you found works in helping stay connected to your spouse? Let's get a convo going here, people! Let's talk!

Looking forward to reading your comments!
Dineen

The Bible as a Magazine?

Last week I found out about an interesting book while watching Stephen Colbert. The Bible Illuminated. Created by Swedish-based Illuminated World and approved by the American Bible Society, this magazine style Bible uses the Good News Translation mixed with images from today. The New Testament is available now and the Old Testament can be pre-ordered.

I'm fascinated with this concept. One, Scandinavia is one of the least "religious" areas in the world. The potential for this "coffee-table" style Bible to reach those unexposed to Christianity could have huge potential.

On the other hand, some of the images seem odd. Throughout the Scriptures, certain pieces are highlighted and connect with the images. One photo of three gangster-looking men seemed to be linked to the three wise men. I laughed at first, then struggled with the connection.

The covers themselves are very evocative and strong. Here again, I can see these images working quite well in the Scandinavian region known for its free thinking, yet I can also picture the more conservative side finding these covers verging on inappropriate.

However, I'd like to believe the potential is there to reach those who wouldn't otherwise pick up a Bible on their own. As an unequally yoked spouse I'm always looking at things like this from the angle of reaching the seemingly unreachable.

I'm not sure how these "books" will go over in the U.S., but perhaps here is where we have to trust that God will certainly use this to his glory.

We've seen Him use stranger things, haven't we?

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Are you listening, God?

Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise. — Proverbs 19:20

In My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers speaks frequently of the challenges in the valley, which he likens to the trials and travails of everyday life. Those moments on the spiritual mountain tops are fine for what they are but the true testing is in the daily living when nothing seems to be changing or happening. Therein lies the true test of our faith.

Those are often the moments we wonder, and even ask, if God is listening. I can remember many a time wondering this very thing. I prayed and prayed, yet no answer came. Over time, I've found one of three things to be true at these times.

Nothing's Changed. What I'm asking about, God has already clarified. Often times we doubt and wonder if we're still on track if God hasn't told us anything new. I've learned in this situation that's it's not that God isn't speaking, He just doesn't have anything new to say. This is a good sign that your on the right path and to keep going until God tells you otherwise.

It's not just about me. Several times I've been involved in a ministry or situation that involved another person. For example, years ago I wanted to start a woman's ministry at my church with another person. I knew this was something I should do, but when and how still remained a mystery. I prayed and prayed, growing more frustrated at God's silence. Then as events unfolded, it became clear through this other persons actions that God was waiting for her to make a choice, which wound up being a bad one. And how wise He was. Had I proceeded and jumped ahead, the ministry would have never succeeded had I involved this person.

Am I listening? It's not that God's isn't listening to me. I'm not listening to him. This is the hardest one for me, but one I'm having so much fun learning about right now! I read somewhere recently about asking God if He had anything to tell me or that I needed to know during my quiet time. I tended to rush off before he could speak. I'm amazed at how much more I hear from Him, and discern.

So when God seems oddly silent, go down your list of possible reasons why. And if you're like me, keep at it. We live in a busy world full of distractions and noise. Listening has truly become an art form. But with the Master, it's so worth it.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Five Valuable Questions

You know how you have those times where you think things are going well? Quiet time's in place, you're more in love with your spouse than ever, and your kids (all of them!) are actually doing well and handling their responsibilities without making it an act of congress on your part. (I actually have one of those, btw—an Act of Congress. No kidding!)

Well, right now I'm not in one of those times. I'm struggling. I don't know why. I'm pretty sure the enemy is partly to blame. The road has gotten quite bumpy of late. And I'll share with you one recent detail because so many of you prayed for my daughter when she was diagnosed with a brain tumor (and still doing well!)—we found out last weekend that my father's cancer has metastasized to his brain. Yes, a brain tumor.

These are the times that we want to ask God, "Why?" Honestly, when I found this out, I didn't. Dad's battled cancer for six years and done well, exceeding his original "one year" diagnosis. He's beaten the odds. And he's a fighter who tells me, "It ain't over yet," and "Now, my granddaughter and I really do have something in common!"

But how stealthily the stress of life invades our balance until we're so out of whack, we stagger and even fall down. Times like these can really test what we believe to be our limitations and definitions of what we think we can handle. And this can seem a valid consideration within the confines of our own strength.

Yet this is the most critical time of all to look upward. Through all these struggles, with our spouses, our children, our jobs, our finances, our families, our neighbors, our society, our government—God is always there, reviewing and approving. Or reviewing and rejecting. He's the great sifter in charge of what gets through and what doesn't.

Now for some that may seem like he's cruel to let through some of the stuff he does. But that's a downward viewpoint. An upward shift in our perspective gives us a whole new picture, one in which nothing is wasted and everything is redeemed for a higher purpose and calling. I find great comfort in that, because God is in complete control, giving us whatever we need to handle what lies ahead. He prepares us, comforts us, and restores us. We walk the trials and come out the other side stronger, more prepared for what comes next, and in a position to share what we've learned. We become more Christ-like.

In 1 Corinthians 7:17, Paul says, "Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him." Perhaps the question we need to ask is not "why," but...

Who: Who do I need to share this testimony with so that they may be encouraged?

What: What can I learn from this and apply to the next situation?

When: When do I move forward and when should I be still?

Where: Where does God want me to go/look/seek next?

How: How can this situation glorify God?

Yes, I'm struggling, but I'm looking upward and clinging to God—trusting him to help me find my balance and stability again. And perhaps that's why God allows these times so that we can remember that he's the one we need to look to for that steadiness. Not ourselves. 

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Weekend Devo — Talk Like the Animals

As my daughter and I were driving to the dog park, she told me a cute story. See, one day a while back, her dad had taken her and Shasta, her poochy, to the dog park. She said the most interesting thing happened. The dogs were drawn to my hubby. According to my daughter, they all surrounded him, sniffing and curious, and several even stayed near him while they were there.

This is the part I love. To her this showed God's love. She firmly believes God used those dogs that day to show her dad how much God loves him. And based on how I've seen God use our dog in my daughter's struggles with depression and recovery from brain surgery, I believe it.

I could totally picture this scene, too. These humble beasts standing around my dear hubby, "talking" of God's love with wags of tails and licks of tongues. After all, animals know how to love unconditionally best, don't they?

We serve such an awesome God. How has He made his love known to you in the smallest (and even biggest!) of ways lately? I hope you'll share a story of God's love in action through a special pet or unique circumstances.

Blessings and have a wonderful weekend!
Praying and believing,
Dineen

Weekend Devotion — How can they believe?

"But since you do not believe what he wrote, how are you going to believe what I say?" — John 5:47

Oddly, reading this gave me great comfort recently. In Jesus' words, I hear my own dilemma with my spouse. Since he doesn't believe in God or the Bible as his Word, how can he believe what I say when I share my faith?

Perhaps herein lies the truth of "actions speak louder than words." Regardless, my spirit is comforted in knowing Jesus understands because he lived it too.

This reassurance spurs me on to keep persevering in my marriage, to keep believing God is working even when I see nothing change. Jesus continued to do what his Father sent him to accomplish, even when those he was sent to save rejected him.

With Christ as our example, we can draw strength and courage to persevere, because he showed us the way.

May God bless you richly this Memorial Day weekend with much love and joy with your families.

Praying and believing,
Dineen