Spiritually Unequal Marriage

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Spiritual Leadership and the Heebie Jeebies

Jesus said: Luke 6:41 “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? 42 How can you think of saying, ‘Friend, let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.”

Why, do we constantly feel the need to change our spouse?

Okay, perhaps it’s only me, but I don’t think I am alone. Often in my conversations with believers I discover that we, women, want our husbands to be the… -spiritual leader of the household.

Shudder…

Those few words can give me the heebie jeebies. Spiritual expectations create a ton of unhappiness in our married relationship. Okay, I know I have probably offended you. Stay with me here. Let me state that it is correct thinking and Biblical to desire our man to be the spiritual leader of our family. I get it, really.

Where I see this go terribly wrong is what we as women “think” that leadership should look like. Do the words family devotions and leading prayer nightly and Bible discussions with the kids and, and, and… ring a bell? Yikes!

I know there are a few men out there that bring these qualities and activities to the home. They are actually rare from all my years in talking with Christian women. If you have a man like this, kneel down right now and give thanks to God.

For the rest of us. Relax.

Why do you wait for your husband to lead devotions? Where did this expectation come from?

I would submit to you that men practice their faith differently than women.

Allow your husband to be who he is.

I know this, if my husband became an on fire believer tomorrow, he would never be comfortable enough to lead family devotions, and it would probably take him years just to pray out loud. I am okay with it. It doesn’t mean he would not be the spiritual leader of our home.

What Jesus calls us to see is our man’s fruit. Not just the man-(woman)-made suggestions of practicing faith. Take a step back. What is the fruit? What is in his heart for what is in the heart come out of the mouth. Look at his character. God cares so much for our character and a little less about leading family devotions.

Jesus said: Luke 6: 43 “A good tree can’t produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can’t produce good fruit. 44 A tree is identified by its fruit. Figs are never gathered from thornbushes, and grapes are not picked from bramble bushes. 45 A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart.”

Perhaps this was a tough post. Perhaps you don’t agree. That’s is okay. I hope however, it causes you to think about the good fruit in your man today. Give him a break for the things he may not do and give him a hug for the fruit that is evident. Have a blessed Friday, Lynn

Chronicles of the Donovan Clan - Didn't See THIS Comin'.

When do we give up hope?

Most of you know my husband became unemployed like millions of others in January. Unemployment can really shake a man up. It’s a blow to the psyche.

My husband’s shake-up propelled him to attend church with me back then. He astonished me further when he joined me during Wednesday evening Life Group discussions. However, my man’s fervor to investigate Christianity has vanished. In fact, his church attendance has dwindled and he has completely quit Wednesday evenings.

As I type these words, I am puzzled. What happened? What didn’t happen? How could his interest fade this quickly? What did I do wrong? Didn’t do right?

Of late, I have pondered these difficult questions: Will he ever be saved? Am I a fool to hope? How should I pray? His salvation or for my endurance? -- Just keepin’ it real here.

I may become discouraged about the timeline which I perceive as taking way to long. I may fail to pray faithfully. I may fail to model Jesus in my marriage. I might break down and lose hope for a moment.

 But…..

I am not a quitter. God is not a quitter!

I read a commentary last week that states; the whole Old Testament is about failures who didn’t quit. God can use a failure, but a quitter is someone He can’t use. God can use a failure. ~Robby Dawkins

Let those words sink in. God doesn’t care that I am not a perfect wife. He knows I struggle with snacking in the evening. He knows I will cut someone off in traffic. He knows I won’t always model the fruits of the spirit. He knows I will fail… (sometimes - daily hourly)

Our faithful King, picks me up, dusts me off and says, “That was another great lesson you learned, Lynn.” My thoughts are not your thoughts. My timing is not your timing. I have called you to trust. I have called you to pray. I have called you to never quit. Trust me and remember I have your best interests at heart.”

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

We may fail sometimes, but we are not quitters. God never quits on us! God’s grace is sufficient! Be Blessed, Lynn

Great Marriage Quotes

Ya'll are wise. Have I told you that lately? Well, you amaze me. Your advice and wisdom with regard to the Affair post last week was spot on!

Today, I need some more of your mental power. Mostly, I need some of your Holy Spirit inspired advice. I am working on my speaking outline for A Woman Inspired Conference. I thought it would be fun to add some quotes and some words of wisdom. I can’t think of a better place to find inspiration than from you…

So, please have mercy on my blonde brain and share your wisdom about marriage. Share a quote about marriage that inspires you or that shares Biblical truth. What is the best piece of advice you’ve been given about marriage. Or, tell me what God has taught you about this amazing relationship, marriage.

I can’t wait! I want to share your wisdom. Is that okay? Have a blessed week. Lynn

One of my favorite quotes:

A good marriage is the union of two forgivers. ~Ruth Graham

An Affair? Facebook?

Do you think you could never have an affair?

I know this question appears outlandish. However, I want to tell you a story.

FACEBOOK: Write On my wall:

Hi Tina, I found you through our High school link in Facebook. Wow, your picture is gorgeous! How are you doing? What are you doing? I am settled in well with my medical practice. Yes, I went to med school in California and returned here to practice. I can’t wait to hear from you. Boy, did we have great fun at the football games. Write me.

HIS WALL: Hi, Wow, I am so glad you found me. I knew you would end up in med school. I am doing great. I was thrilled you wrote me. I always wondered what you were doing. I sometimes think about what life would have been if we had stayed together. You know, I honestly have missed you. I am kinda going through a tough time in my marriage and to see you name and message made me feel some happiness. I have a ton of fond memories of us in high school. Wow, would I love to see you again. Tell me more about yourself. Write me.

HER WALL: I am so sorry to hear you are in a tough place. I am also in a lonely place. I divorced last year. Man, it was ugly. I knew all along I missed out on the right girl, you. Hey, how about I give you a call and let’s catch up some more?

WARNING… WARNING…. WARNING….

Okay, my friends, this is how it happens. A casual online conversation with an old friend of the opposite sex. Facebook is a new phenomenon that is reconnecting people.

So can you tell me what went wrong here? What was Tina’s first mistake? What was her second? What should she have done?

DO YOU THINK THIS SCENARIO IS A REAL ISSUE? Be Blessed, Lynn

What are the Thoughest Things About Marrige?

This Winter my Bible study group is reading through the book of Esther with Beth Moore. Beth took a poll of her readers through her blog to prepare for her study. Her question, What are the three toughest things about being a woman.

During the video portion of the lesson this week, Beth said something which was of great interest to me. The overwhelming response to this question was the toughness of marriage. I guess I was surprised and yet not surprised. Successful marriage is hard work. Would you agree?

Today I would like to ask you for your help. I am preparing for a conference and would be so humbled if you would take just a minute to share with me your thoughts.

What are the three toughest things about marriage for you?

Please feel free to leave your comments with or without your name or email me privately. I am prompted by the Lord to take a fresh look at what we struggle with and how Jesus might lead us in the future here at Spiritually Unequal Marriage.

Thank you... Thank you... Thank you... Be Blessed, Lynn

The Chronicles - What Will this Wacky Family do next?

I am sitting in my office at 3:07 p.m. on Sunday afternoon. Less than five hours ago I was headed down the home stretch to the finish line of the Carlsbad Half Marathon.

Tada!

I did it. I ran 13 miles along the ocean with 8 to 10 thousand of my closest friends. Runners are a strange lot. I still can't figure out why I think this is fun....

Okay, I can barely move and my knee is throbbing but I DID IT. What amazes me further, I ran the entire way except to suck down water at each and every water station. Although, around mile ten I was tempted to call an ambulance. I hated mile eleven and thought I would surely die through mile twelve.

Have mercy!

My muscles are sore and I am a bit whinny so my family is constantly reminding me today that THIS WAS MY IDEA. My daughter looked at me over lunch and said, "Mom, let's remember this, shall we, the next time you talk about signing up again. However, I still feel.....good. I feel like I fought the good fight and prevailed.

2 Timothy 4:7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

I learned a few things while on this journey.

• Train early and train often. I had to prepare for this event starting in September. We trained early 5:30 a.m. Three short runs 3-5 miles, three mornings a week, followed by a long run on Saturday 7-10 miles.

• Share the pain and the victories with a friend. These are my friends, Karrie, Jolene, and Tanya. I love these women. They put up with me and my slow running for months. My BFF, Pam was injured and knocked out last month but she took time to telephone me shortly after I finished with an enthusiastic - Congratulations! Beth my other BFF checked on me yesterday and after I arrive home. God has given me such great friends. Most of these gals attend church with me.

• Don't give up when you're tempted, hurting, and just plain beat up. I began praying around mile nine. By mile eleven, I was whispering between breaths, Philippians 4:13. By mile 12 my prayers consisted of, "Help me Jesus, Help me Jesus, Help me Jesus." He listened.

• Finally, there are many others out there who need encouragement, and a little help and there were those who helped me. The water station people ROCKED. Local bands were stationed on the course playing music and half the town of Carlsbad came out to cheer and clap. They ROCKED. The other runners ROCKED.

What an experience!

Hebrew 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

I wonder if you, like me, see these lessons dovetail into our faith walk?

Commitment to God often requires we rise early and often to read and pray.  

Share the journey.....the pain and the joys.

Don't give up when you are temped, hurting and plain beat up. There are others who encourage and help us and we must do the same.

If you ask me today, "Would you run another marathon?" I would say, "Not a chance. Period. The end."

But one certain thing all my years of living with Jesus has taught me, never say never. Love all of you. Hope your week ROCKS and God surrounds you early and often as you share your life with those in your world who are on this race with you!

God bless, Lynn

Also, Marriage Monday arrives next week, February 2nd. And it will be hosted HERE. I can't wait. So sharpen that pen, I mean fingers and start typing. The Surprise of Christian Marriage is our topic and I know everyone is surprised by marriage. I want to hear your story. Thanks e-Mom.

Do you Have an Answer for the Hope You Have?

What Jersey are you wearing?

 

You know I am anxious to get rolling about this "Big" subject, defending our faith. You know, this subject is really about our identity in Christ. It is about courage, and how our faith grows over the years through study and real-life practice. I have been storing up words and thoughts since December to encourage you and help you navigate sharing your faith or at least standing confident in the truth. This is especially a sensitive area when answering the hard questions our spouse will ask.

 

Sometimes, however, I think as believers we could be better prepared to answer the questions about our beliefs. Because I was married to an agnostic for so many years, I know they need and honestly want answers that we are ill prepared to supply.

 

Let me be specific. Most of us learn our faith from our churches. Our Bibles, the infallible word of God, is our final source and truth about all things. But, how can you talk with unbelievers when they deny the Bible as a viable source of evidence? Okay, sometimes we just say, it is a matter of faith. But, often times I think we can offer sound and principled arguments to support our faith.

 

One of the best examples of defending the faith in the face of unbelievers and remain credible was aired on NBC Nightline. Rick Warren of Saddleback Church offers a fantastic defense of marriage that holds water not only on a Biblical basis but also as to those who don't believe in the Bible.

 

I bring this video forward to help you be prepared for the next time you are in a place to stand up for the truth. The truth is God created marriage, it is ordained by God and it is the best thing for the individual, the family and our society. Although this video is titled, Rick Warren on gay marriage, what I found is this: It is not so much about gay marriage but is an intelligent and strong argument for the defense of traditional, Biblical marriage.

 

 

 

What do you think? Be Blessed, Lynn

Chronicles of the Donovan Clan

NEVER in a million years.

I want to tell you about a tiny miracle that unfolded yesterday. It may not seem like a big deal to you. However, I just can't stop thinking about the lengths our God goes through to delight us. How He never forgets dreams we once dreamed and have long since forgotten. I am overwhelmed to experience His love is such a special and personal way.

Many, many years ago I had a secret dream. You know, one of those seemingly silly daydreams but something you actually wish could become a reality. A long time ago, I dreamed my husband would come to faith and we would serve together in some pastoral capacity for our church.

Okay, laugh it up. But a girl can dream, can't she.

I would daydream what it would be like to work with other believers daily at church. I thought about what it would feel like to spend time at gatherings with the church leadership, pastors, elders, and people who basically spent most of their time serving the church body. I surrendered that dream willingly and without bitterness many years ago and have not thought about it again until last night at around 12:30 am.

You see, yesterday evening I attended my very first Church Staff Christmas party. Guess what? My husband, my unbelieving husband, attended with me.

Miracles of miracles, I tell you!

Who would have thought that I would ever be on staff at a church serving my Lord? Never in a million years would I have thought this dream of being part of a church staff would come true.

In fact, I completely forgot about this once held dream until the Lord reminded me in the middle of the night.

"Lynn, I never forget your dreams. I fulfilled this tiny hope in your life just because I love you." God

What amazes me further is how God is always unconventional. He worked this out in an unexpected way. It wasn't my husband, but me, who joined the church staff. Of course this was not how I envisioned this dream unfolding. But.... there I was standing beside my husband, enjoying friendship and laughter at a church leadership function.

At 12:30 this morning I was overwhelmed by God's amazing love as He whispered to my heart, "I did this for you."

He delights in making dreams come true, even those long forgotten, silly, dreams of our youth.

Chronicles continue.... I am still trying to get my head around the fact that my unbelieving husband went to a church staff Christmas party. The irony of it all tickles my soul and makes me giggle.

Be Blessed, Lynn

PS. More chronicles are ahead. Hold on to your hats and be ready to proclaim the glory of the Lord!

Trouble ~ Transition ~ Tension

Today is our conclusion to the Love Our Neighbor series. Walking through this scripture has left me permanently changed. My heart for people softened. This series brought with it the Kingdom Assignment. God gave us a chance to practice kindness, and goodness. He gave us a chance to be the hands and feet of Jesus. He watched, as we loved our neighbor.

This series unfolded Matthew 22:36-39 and Matthew 25: 14-30.

I understand this command in a way I never did before:

Matthew 22: 36 "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" 37Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'

Our world reverberates with hate, bitterness, and broken dreams. When we give our love away a doorway opens. Kindness and compassion overcomes barriers, hatred, and anger.

It opens a door to share Jesus.

Today, right now in our country and in our world, doors are opening.

People come to know God usually through three circumstances; trouble, transition, and tension. The pressures of the terrible T's propel people to search for God. Our world is smack in the middle of all three. People are scared, they are in financial trouble, and tension mounts each day as we watch the nightly news.

Our opportunity is NOW.

From this day forward I will never be the same. I am going to live every day of my life, giving love away, opening the door for God. I will be obedient. I will be kind. I will live compassion. I will live for Jesus.

If we truly live in this kind of obedience, our unbelieving spouses, our children, our neighbors, the world will know there is a God and He lives and works in our lives.

Lord, this is my prayer for every reader who stopped here in the last few months. Let your Holy Spirit fill us so full, that kindness is in our every breath, love in our eyes, and compassion in our hearts. Let us live it. Let us be the door to share with this broken world the life-changing truth: OUR GOD SAVES! I ask this in the powerful, awesome, glorious name of Jesus, our Redeemer, and our Lord. Amen.

Please share with me what happened with your Kingdom Assignment. Whatever you did with your dollar is exactly what the Lord wanted. Don't judge it unworthy of mention. Allow the Lord Jesus to receive honor because you used God's money in some way to serve His kingdom. Write to me today a quick note. Please email me. You can read other's stories by going to the Kingdom Page through the link in the sidebar.

I am excited to see where the Lord will take us next. You should know I am always just as surprised by the Lord as you are when we walk through these journeys. Thank you for walking beside me. Your friendship, wisdom, and love are gifts I can never repay. But, I sure do tell my "Father" about all of you often. Have a blessed week, Lynn