Spiritually Unequal Marriage

Church or no-Church; The Conclusion

It’s a typical hot July day here in sunny Southern California. It’s Sunday afternoon. I am in my office and I can hear my hubby clearing the kitchen of the lunch dishes. I am remembering the morning. I woke today wondering about church or no church. Would he go? Would he stay home?

What do you think happened this morning?

Before I tell you how the morning played out let’s rewind, I think it was Wednesday – no Thursday. My husband and I were in the family room watching television. I can’t recall how this conversation began but, the television was quieted as we discussed the upcoming weekend get-togethers on the calendar.

During this conversation I inserted, “No matter what, you will find this girl in church come Sunday morning.” I smiled. “I have missed it and can’t wait to be there this week.” You see, I haven’t attended now for two weeks. It feels like two years. I made certain that my tone of voice was kind and even keeled as I spoke. I didn’t want him to feel guilt or judgment. I only wanted to assert that church this weekend, was one event I would not miss. The unspoken message hung above us. You are free to go with me; you are free to stay home.

He changed his posture sitting up and leaning forward he said, “You do know that for the past couple of Sunday’s I was willing to attend church. I set the alarm and would have gone with you.”

I should clarify right now that it was me who chose to stay home over the past two Sundays. Not because I was pouting or angry or trying to make a point. I just felt like I needed to be home and let things settle out.

I looked at my man, “You know, I am completely sincere about this Honey, don’t go to church just to please me. Don’t go because you think it will make me happy or that it’s good for our marriage. I promise you, it is okay to stay home and I won’t be mad.”

“I wasn’t planning to go just for you. I want to go for me too.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Fast forward. It’s Sunday morning. My guy was up late the night before, so I pretty much knew he wouldn’t roll out of bed in time. Then…….

Behold!

At 9:10 a.m. he shuffled down the hall in search of coffee. A miracle in itself, as he is a definite night owl and up later than usual to boot. I smiled at his tired face. He mumbled something about a nap and sat down with his steaming mug.

I headed off to get dressed and he followed shortly. He was moving slow and I thought to myself, we are going to be late again. But, I kept those words to myself for once and gave him grace.

We arrived at church, the three of us, including teen-daughter. We sat down in the sanctuary with one minute to spare. We were at church together. No anger, no rolling of the eyes, no pressure, no guilt, only love.

Now that’s a great end to this story.

Sometimes I just sit down and ask Jesus, “Why are you so patient with me? I seem to make things harder for You, Lord. Forgive me.”

I have learned many lessons over the past several weeks. It is hard to share with you how my selfishness can get in the way of God’s efforts, how human I can be, and how I can struggle to truly practice what I preach. Gulp, but I pray that someone will read this story and realize that God will go to great lengths to change a selfish little girl like me and to reach out to an unbeliever like my husband. He NEVER stops working on our character, our relationships nor our marriages. He never stops pursing the lost.

And He will never give up on you either. NEVER!

He loves us that much. How awesome is that?

Be Blessed, Lynn

Church or no-Church, Part I

Church or no-Church, Part II

Church or no-Church, Part III

When God Leads

“When you sense an answer from the Lord and your husband doesn't, how do you communicate WHY you feel moved to do what God said?”

A friend of mine posed this question to me recently. At first I didn’t know how to answer, because I couldn’t recall a situation where this happened. Don’t you know God brought a time to mind as I relayed a story to someone a couple weeks later?

Almost two years ago, my daughter started talking about getting a dog. We already had four cats, so I didn’t take her idea too seriously, nor did her dad. Yet, she persisted and even found the dog she wanted in an online search. A search that shouldn’t have shown her this particular dog, but for some reason did. That was my first inkling God was at work.

As the week progressed, I sensed deep in my spirit that my daughter needed this dog. She’d had a difficult time in seventh grade, and I’d decided to homeschool her for the next school year in an attempt to see if we could help her depression.

But how could I explain this to my husband? I knew if I brought God into the discussion, the validity of my case would diminish. So, I presented it as a mother trying to do what she thought best. I knew this dog would be important to our daughter and that’s exactly how I presented the situation, with a lot of prayer of course.

At the time my husband trusted my judgment, and now he too sees how important this special dog has been to our daughter, especially during her brain surgeries, treatment, and now her recovery. In the two years since, what I sensed from God has been affirmed over and over again as his way of preparing us for what laid ahead and providing what we would need to persevere.

Through prayers and God’s guidance I was able to present my position in a way that respected my husband and honored God.

As unequally yoked spouses, these types of situations are inevitable, but if God’s the one leading us in a certain direction, he’ll surely help us get there.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Going Alone? Oh No Siree!

I sat down a few minutes ago to prepare this post. Before I started typing, I stopped to pray. I prayed for all of you who read the posts, Church or no-Church. I thanked the Lord, our Great King for each of you who took time to leave me your thoughts, your prayers, your concerns and your experiences.

Church or No-Church, Part I

Church of No-Church, Part II

I have read and re-read your comments just now. I have tears in my eyes. I have been writing here for three years and the advice and love and comfort all of you have given through your comments is some of the best I have EVER read. I encourage all of you to read the comments from last week. Such words of wisdom. You may very well leave your computer today….. CHANGED. PERMANANTLY – CHANGED!

I know that I am.

On Friday I wrote that I was seeking answers from the Lord and how He is always faithful to answer when I pursue His wisdom. Girls and men, He did not fail me. I have a powerful story and prayer to share.

Before I tell you what happened, I think it is important to point out some interesting observations from all of your comments.

First, not all of us agree. After reading through the comments and the private emails I received, it looks like the church or no-church decision is very personal and individualized.

Second, it appears most of us actually have grappled with this very choice and have spent considerable hours, years in prayer and in thought, determining what is appropriate for ourselves, our kids and especially our husbands. These decisions were not made lightly.

Third, many of you found your spouse attending after you released pressure on them. hmmmmm

Fourth, many spouses attend to make their wives happy and that works as well. hmmmmm

Fifth, the enemy is often at work in this situation. (Boy, is that the truth)

Okay, now I want to share a direct message that came to Lynn Donovan on the beach Thursday afternoon. The minute I heard these words, I knew Jesus was correcting my perspective and re-directing my path. The words spoken to me were what I needed to hear and penetrating. I am changed.

So, here goes…

I am fortunate enough to have a small group of friends from my church. We meet together once a week to review the pastor’s message and to pray for one another. Until this year, I was never comfortable as a “married-single” to be part of an intimate group like this. I always felt like a third wheel among all the couples. But, my friend, Pam, loved me so much and welcomed me after inviting me year after year to join the small community, that I felt ready. Thank you Pam!

Well, because most of the families in our group are on a budget, we look for inexpensive ways to enjoy the summer with our kids. The beach is perfect. Free rides on the waves, beach combing and you pack a lunch.

On Thursday, I arrived at the beach and joined a few of the other gals there. I sat down with Gina and Jolene and I shared with them my struggle with this church or no-church thing. They know me and my husband and listened with loving hearts and ears.

I explained my dilemma, “Jolene, it is just so hard to sit there (in church) when he is angry. I don’t want him there.”

Jolene, looked at me and she said. “So what.”

Hunh? No mercy here. Jolene isn’t one to beat around the bush.

She went on in a kind and loving voice. Her message was not to hurt but honestly to help. “Lynn, you know that my husband and I were unequally yoked for many years. He came to Christ a little over five years ago. But before he was saved I would literally be on my knees before the Lord, begging Him to place Himself anywhere and everywhere in front of my husband.”

Hunh?

“I would pray, “”Oh Father, place yourself in front of my man at every turn. Put a Christian man next to him on the airplane today. Father, let my husband catch a glimpse of you through a song, or something on television tonight. Lord, surround him with other business people who love You at his meeting today.””

“Lynn, I wanted my husband surrounded by the Lord. If you want the same, you will want him at church too. Let go of yourself here and if your man is willing to go to church then rejoice as you sit next to him, because the Lord is answering prayer.”

Gulp!

“Oh, Jolene, you are absolutely right.” I knew in my heart, for me, the right thing was to get over myself. And at that instant I did. How dare I let this be about me?

On Thursday as I sat under a cloudy sky at the beach, the Lord spoke. He didn’t speak audibly but through a wise and Jesus-loving friend, Jolene. I now pray much differently and with a new heart for my husband. I stopped asking the Lord to save my husband and to have him read the Bible and to open his spiritual eyes. These prayers are not wrong but I now I am moved to pray like this:

Oh Father, today let me just love him. Pour Your love into me is such a powerful and complete way that I am just bursting with You all over everyone and especially my husband. Father, I beg you to place Yourself before my man today. Be in front of him as he searches the employment boards for work today. Lord, place one or two men in his path at the store today or on the phone who know You. At the barbeque tonight, I ask that there would be one or two Christians who initiate a conversation with him. Lord, I ask you to surround him with You. Fill his morning, noon and night with some message that puts You smack in the front of his face. I ask Your will in his life and not my own.

Lord, YOU- sit on my throne.

 

You sit on my throne.

You sit on my throne.

I love you Jesus. I love you. Your humble servant, Lynn

Let’s Talk, Part 2

Last week we had a great discussion about communication. Lots of great comments and input. Let me see if I can summarize some of what was shared.

Talking: The true key to communication, although we do communicate with our body language and tone of voice, but we’ll leave that to another post. Kathleen gave us a good example of how she tried to meet her husband on his terms and interests. And based upon what she said, her efforts were rewarded. Her husband encouraged her. The point here is she took the time to find a way to involve herself in something her husband liked to do, therefore opening more opportunities for them to communicate and share. (Guess I’ll give disc golf another shot. Stay tuned for more on that one!)

Choices: Part of the underlying thread of communication is the choice to participate and even choose an activity conducive to talking. Having dinner instead of a movie. Taking a walk together for exercise instead of going to the gym and then going different directions. Or even doing activities in the same room—reading, like Gretchen’s example—but still keeping physical contact (there’s that body language again…) and being open to share and talk when the mood hits. Just be sure to pick an activity in which you and your spouse won’t mind interruptions. Kathryn made a great suggestion of having a regular date night. Here’s an opportunity to get creative in the planning and even challenge one another to try new things. Let’s admit it, part of the battle is falling into old routines that leave one or both spouses dissatisfied.

Part of this also applies to the situation like our anonymous friend shared. Yes, we want to reach out to our unbelieving spouses and find common ground, but we can’t compromise to sin in order to do it. God would never ask that of us anyway. Perhaps in anonymous’ case, the family could work together to find appropriate shows and movies they can watch together, and leave a clear boundary that he’s on his own when she and her son find the content offensive. Their actions will continue to speak volumes.

Setting Aside Agendas: With this comes Amber’s excellent point. Humility. If we can go into our effort to connect with our spouses with humility, with our own agendas set aside, perhaps we can reach them in new ways. Sure, it may mean doing something like wading through burrs and dry grass to find a Frisbee disc on a hot day, but am I willing to put aside my discomfort and make the point of the activity—to spend time together—the focus?

Rob gave us a reverse scenario of this one. He found something he felt would be interesting to both him and his wife. And not only that, it turned into an opportunity for him to share his faith. His persistence paid off.

Prayer: At the risk of sounding like a broken record, let’s pray and ask God to show us new ways to communicate with our spouses. When we’ve tried everything and have basically moved on to live separate lives for the most part as Grammy shared with us, I still believe God can break these barriers in ways we can’t even imagine. So yes, when we are in a difficult marriage, we should continue to grow and pursue our own interests, but we shouldn’t give up on our difficult spouses, nor throw that valuable respect Tamara talked about out the window. Nor should we keep ourselves stagnant just to make our spouse happy. The enemy would love nothing better. When we can’t seem to make any ground in these situations, God can. And we can too through his guiding hand and strength. (Phil. 4:13)

So, let's keep sharing new ways to communicate with our spouses. And if you see me on the disc golf range, be sure to wave hello. I’ll be the one picking burrs out of my socks.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Attending Church AloneChurch or no-Church

Things often play out very strange.

I am going to share a story with you. I am still trying to process the circumstances of the past two weeks looking for the hand-print of God in this. I would be interested to know if any of you have experienced what I experienced and how you processed it.

 _____

One of the most consistent Google searches which bring new readers to Spiritually Unequal Marriage is this: Attending Church Alone.

I am not surprised by this. For many years, going to church alone was an enormous obstacle for me. Our society is after all, structured primarily around couples. Ever been to the amusement park? Two chairs together on the roller coaster. What about going to the movie theater alone? Shudder!

And finally, church. Organized religion, for the most part, revolves around couples – families. I am not condemning this truth only pointing out that the typical church centers around husbands AND wives. Church leadership doesn’t intend to isolate singles. After all look at the many thriving singles programs churches offer.

However, being married and single is a category most churches can’t even begin to comprehend. With this said, the reality of attending church alone is excruciating. Many Sundays, I would sit down in the sanctuary by myself. Soon a cute couple would shuffle down the row in front of me. I always seemed to notice they were holding hands. Then they would sit directly in front of me thus making it impossible for me to ignore them. And finally they would shoot each other a dazzling, I-am-in-love-with-you-and-so-glad-to-be-in-church-with-you, smile.

Pain.

I’m not saying anything is wrong with this scenario. In fact, it is very right. But for me……. my heart could be wrenched right out of my chest. The pastor’s message would become lost as his words floated above me, indistinguishable because I was lost in a turbulent sea of unfulfilled longing which threatened to completely swallow me up. Anyone relate?

So now let me put a twist on this scenario. It’s utterly strange to me as I contemplate what I am going to share.

In the recent months since my husband's unemployment, he has attended church with me sporadically. Elated just doesn’t describe how excited I felt over this change in our relationship in early January. Every unbelieving spouse, hopes –dreams- about this day. We think, finally, he will hear the truth spoken and because it is delivered by someone other than me, perhaps the Holy Spirit will finally breakthrough to him.

A desperation prayer is then quickly uttered. “O Lord, please, please, let this be the day he is baptized.”

Well, I am still waiting. And in recent weeks, a new phenomenon has emerged into our intricate church attendance drama.

ME.

Recently when my husband chooses to attend church, I faced some unexpected and baffling scenarios. The night or morning before church, my husband would launch into complaints. “The music's too loud. It is a waste of time. Why do we stand through the long singing time? All the men that I observe in church just aren’t’ into it, so why do we sing? And, why is church so long anyway? An hour is enough.”

At first I would answer these questions. “Popular Christian music isn’t like the old hymns. Younger people like it louder and more energetic. So do I.”

“We stand because we honor God as we stand to our feet and from my perspective the singing (worship) isn’t long enough.”

“Many, many people including men really, honestly, like the music.”

And I just leave the whole length-of-the-service thing completely alone. If you love Jesus, you like to be there. If you don’t…….

In addition to these complaints, he would use body language to display his displeasure during the service once we arrive. And if I am brutally honest, I found myself in silent tears as I observed the hostility in him while I stood at his side in church on random Sundays. Because of these verbal and nonverbal complaints, the once-a week- worship and reconnection which I desperately needed was subtly stolen from me. It was just too much for me to ignore.

It seems last week I couldn’t take anymore. It was Father’s Day. He complained about getting up early. “I am not going to rush to get ready. We will get there when we get there” he said as he stepped into the shower.

My disappointment mounted. I LOVE TO WORSHIP. The music can absolutely revive my heart.

We walked into the church that morning and the music was loud but not piercing. He immediately mumbled some caustic remark to me. Girls and Men…. I just snapped. “You do not need to be here. I don’t want you to come to church just to make me happy. I no longer want you here if you don’t desire to be here so please leave right now and I will get a ride home.”

I stared straight into his face with an intensity that could have bored holes through his head. At the moment, I wish they would have. Not kidding!

_____

~This post has gone long but I have so much more of the story to tell. It's already written and I will meet you again here on Friday, July 3rd for the conclusion as well as a question for you. Please come back. Also, today give me your thoughts and share your experiences about church or no-church. Be Blessed, Lynn

Let's Talk

Communication is a vital part of any relationship. And I'll be honest. Right now I'm not communicating very well with my hubby. Thanks to some wonderful prayer warriors, I can sense it's getting better, but I'm still not quite on track, or where I'd like to be. Because, let's face it, in a SUM, it's like we're constantly on stage, don't you think? I know I do. We want to our unbelieving spouses to witness what God's done or doing in our lives, but that's not always easy.

So, let's hang out and talk a little bit here about the challenges of communication and how we can find ways to improve our talking, and listening skills.

One area I think makes a big difference in communication is staying connected. This can be a real challenge in any kind of marriage. We grow older, our interests change, and before you know it, you're more like two people living separate lives who occasionally intersect than a married couple.

I know I've tried playing an online game with my hubby, and even went disc golfing with him once. But I'm finding myself more challenged to find things we can connect with and through, since our beliefs are so different.

So, what have you found works in helping stay connected to your spouse? Let's get a convo going here, people! Let's talk!

Looking forward to reading your comments!
Dineen

Five Valuable Questions

You know how you have those times where you think things are going well? Quiet time's in place, you're more in love with your spouse than ever, and your kids (all of them!) are actually doing well and handling their responsibilities without making it an act of congress on your part. (I actually have one of those, btw—an Act of Congress. No kidding!)

Well, right now I'm not in one of those times. I'm struggling. I don't know why. I'm pretty sure the enemy is partly to blame. The road has gotten quite bumpy of late. And I'll share with you one recent detail because so many of you prayed for my daughter when she was diagnosed with a brain tumor (and still doing well!)—we found out last weekend that my father's cancer has metastasized to his brain. Yes, a brain tumor.

These are the times that we want to ask God, "Why?" Honestly, when I found this out, I didn't. Dad's battled cancer for six years and done well, exceeding his original "one year" diagnosis. He's beaten the odds. And he's a fighter who tells me, "It ain't over yet," and "Now, my granddaughter and I really do have something in common!"

But how stealthily the stress of life invades our balance until we're so out of whack, we stagger and even fall down. Times like these can really test what we believe to be our limitations and definitions of what we think we can handle. And this can seem a valid consideration within the confines of our own strength.

Yet this is the most critical time of all to look upward. Through all these struggles, with our spouses, our children, our jobs, our finances, our families, our neighbors, our society, our government—God is always there, reviewing and approving. Or reviewing and rejecting. He's the great sifter in charge of what gets through and what doesn't.

Now for some that may seem like he's cruel to let through some of the stuff he does. But that's a downward viewpoint. An upward shift in our perspective gives us a whole new picture, one in which nothing is wasted and everything is redeemed for a higher purpose and calling. I find great comfort in that, because God is in complete control, giving us whatever we need to handle what lies ahead. He prepares us, comforts us, and restores us. We walk the trials and come out the other side stronger, more prepared for what comes next, and in a position to share what we've learned. We become more Christ-like.

In 1 Corinthians 7:17, Paul says, "Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him." Perhaps the question we need to ask is not "why," but...

Who: Who do I need to share this testimony with so that they may be encouraged?

What: What can I learn from this and apply to the next situation?

When: When do I move forward and when should I be still?

Where: Where does God want me to go/look/seek next?

How: How can this situation glorify God?

Yes, I'm struggling, but I'm looking upward and clinging to God—trusting him to help me find my balance and stability again. And perhaps that's why God allows these times so that we can remember that he's the one we need to look to for that steadiness. Not ourselves. 

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Thriving Despite

Hi All My Friends, I sure owe you an apology.

I apologize for my sporadic writing schedule in the month of May. In my life, May and December are equal when it comes to over commitments and busyness. I’m sorry! Whew glad to get that off my chest.

Today I want to conclude the truths from the book, Thriving Despite A Difficult Marriage, by Michael and Chuck Misja. To read from the beginning click here.

The premise set forth in this book actually mirrors my journey. It was like reading about my life and how Jesus healed my disappointments. Although I don’t believe I live in a “difficult” marriage, what the authors are sharing is hope. They also are practical. I am all about the practical.

What I learned through my own journey is exactly what these authors share.

1) We ALWAYS can have hope in the transforming power of Jesus Christ. We serve an all-powerful God. He can change anyone and He especially wants to change His children in addition to their unbelieving spouses.

2) Don’t wait for your spouse to change to find purpose, fulfillment and joy in living every day.

Years ago I heard Patsy Clairmont speak at a Women Of Faith event. A casual sentence she spoke during her talk changed my life. She said, “You go ahead and serve God. You don’t need to wait for your husband.”

I guess I thought my husband needed to be a believer first so I could serve God’s kingdom. It was that precise moment the Lord spoke to me and my life changed. I didn’t feel guilty about leaving my husband out of this part of my life and I felt empowered to explore the fascinating and exciting adventures the Lord had for my future. I have been serving and loving Jesus ever since and have never regretted a minute.

Although I still long for us, as a couple, to serve God, I am content to live my life not waiting for my husband to change. I am not in a holding pattern watching life slip by. I am not waiting for my marriage to change. I don’t deny there is still pain and things I want to change in my marriage but I can thrive through those disappointments.

I am thriving and I live a happy life because it is filled with serving Jesus Christ. I am content to wait and pray for my spouse’s salvation. I have a living hope in Jesus Christ, the Redeemer of the world.

If you are living in a difficult situation or struggling to find hope for yourself in a challenging marriage, this book is for you. It is full of healing understanding of how to thrive through some of the most challenging marital situations. Buy it today and begin your own journey this summer.

Thriving Despite a Difficult Marriage By Michael Misja & Chuck Misja

Starting next week I am feeling led to get into rich biblical teaching again. I keep hearing the Lord talk to me about, Spiritual Warfare in marriage as well as another subject… What does a Biblical marriage really look like? You would be surprised. It’s not what most people think.

So, I may bounce around with both of these topics. I have found some of the best writing emerges when I just allow the Lord to fill my heart about something and then share it with you. I love all of you who stop here. I pray for you when you and I pray over your marriages. Your marriage relationship is so very important to God. It means more to Him than you will ever know. Be Blessed, Lynn

Our Journeys

Welcome to week four of our Open Forum. We've tackled some tough questions the last three weeks, and though difficult, we are honored to be a part of these discussions and to share in any way we can. This week delves a more into our personal journeys, which we are glad to share in the hopes they uplift and encourage. Lynn and I by no means have all the answers to living in a successful SUM, but we have no doubt that God has called us to share what we've learned thanks to our compassionate and merciful King.

This week's question is from Julianne:

I would love to hear about the growth/changes in your family each of you have seen since your time of starting here. Even though it may not yet be where you hope, what differences have you experienced over time?

Lynn's Answer: Julianne, I appreciate your question. God has been so amazing and His love absolutely transforming that I have too much to say. In order to keep this post shorter, I will add my story on Friday. I pray it honors the Lord Jesus because without Him, I would not have a story to tell nor a wonderful marriage today. See you Friday.

Dineen's Answer: Wow, Julianne, what a great question, girl. I could write an entire book to answer this one, but let's see if I can keep it to a few paragraphs.

If I answer this question based upon the changes I've seen in my husband, I'd have to say nothing has changed. In some ways, our faith differences have become more difficult. But that could be due to all the prayers being said for him and the enemy trying to stop the inevitable. :-)

Yes, I do believe my husband's salvation is inevitable and maybe that's one area of change or growth for me. I've firmly believed in what was spoken to me regarding my husband's salvation for eight years. Though I thought the timing would have been a year ago based upon how I interpreted it, I still believe it will happen.

Since starting to write with Lynn here at SUM, my calling to this ministry has been affirmed over and over again. This in and of itself has made me stronger and firmer in my roll in my marriage and my family, because, ladies and gents, I certainly can't preach it if I ain't livin' it. Right? And Lynn will tell you the same, that our rolls here have opened us up to a lot of spiritual warfare. But we care way too much for those in unequally yoked marriages to do anything but persevere and fight back.

And clearly, we can't do this on our own strength. God has equipped us over and over again. There are times when Lynn and I have talked about reader comments, how to pray for individuals and each other, and will express how awestruck we are that God put us together here. Why us? Why not us?

Being here at SUM put purpose into my journey. And meaning and passion. The saying that you learn more when you teach is so true. In the processing of seeking God in his Word and sharing what I sense him teaching me, I learn. I grow. I prosper. I thrive!

But there are times when it's such a struggle that all I can do is hold on to God. And the past has prepared me for the now. The past struggles and difficulties strengthened me to go through the trial of my daughter's brain tumor. And that experience will strengthen me for whatever else comes down the road.

So in the last three years, I've come to learn to trust God on a much deeper level and to live as authentically as I can. My daughters' faiths have grown and have helped them to see the world honestly (sometimes too honestly), to have compassion, and to think through their choices, especially in their relationships.

And most importantly, we have loved. Through each trial, through each difficulty, I've learned to keep loving, to not give up and walk away. And I'm learning to live in the moment. To enjoy my family and cherish those special times that transcend the hardships and tears. God is teaching me a tenacious belief—the kind you do at all cost. As you can see the changes have been in me, because that's where it had to start and where it will continue if I'm to be God's tool of change in my marriage.
Praying and believing,
Dineen

Are You Thriving?

To read last week’s post and pray for your marriage journey this summer, read Thriving Despite (click here).

Before we start to understand how we thrive in a spiritually unequal marriage or any marriage we need to ask a few questions first. Okay, one specific question. Why is marriage so hard? Why is it that when we marry, it isn’t happily ever after?

In the book, Thriving Despite a Difficult Marriage, the author’s describe a myriad of difficulties in a relationship. Communication, religious differences (yep, we know that one), sex, *needs in marriage, etc, but they go on to say something profound.

In the core of almost all couples they believe the difficulties in their marriages are caused by their spouse. Hmmmmm, what do you think about this?

The authors continue; If you focus on your spouse’s defects you will only become more self-righteous and miserable. OUCH! Is this statement directed at me, Lord?

I can tell you in my early years of marriage I was confused. I was disappointed and I experienced pain. And, I will not minimize that we experience pain. Pain comes with disappointment because we need to receive something from our spouse he/she cannot give. Pain because we desperately want to give something they are unable to give. So how can we move past this pain and the disappointment? What do we do with the thought that the decades loom ahead of us with little hope of change?

The author’s have penned the answer very simply: We must understand that unfulfilled desire results in disappointment. But with God’s grace, healthy desires can be embraced and the heart can be kept alive and thriving despite disappointment.

We are going to learn how to take our disappointment and desires and change them, re-craft them into a healthy future. I think this book exactly mirrors what the Lord, God, Himself, did for me over the years. He worked to tear down my unmet desires and replaced them with new, Godly, desires. He wiped away my disappointments and then lifted me to new adventures I couldn’t have dreamed up in my wildest dreams.

Do you want your wildest dreams about your marriage surpassed? Do you want to look at your spouse and actually know in your heart honest forgiveness, genuine and authentic love? It sounds impossible to many of you right now. Believe me, I’ve been there. But….. We serve the LORD, GOD, ALMIGHTY! He has brought you here because He wants you to live with joy in your heart. Love in your marriage and to thrive in this life. He wants you to get over your disappointment because He has a ton of work for you to do for the Kingdom! I promise He does and it is a blast to serve the God of the universe.

So next week, Freedom.

There is so much more about living with difficult spouses in this book. I highly recommend it to anyone struggling in marriage. Be Blessed, Lynn

Thriving Despite a Difficult Marriage By Michael Misja & Chuck Misja

 

*To learn about a man and a woman’s basic needs in marriage, please read this series of posts,His Needs, Her Needs (click here).