Yesterday in honor of Father’s Day we experienced:
Every year ~ fantastic. Here is a taste.
Prepare to experience an urge to dance, giggle and jump up and down. You will want watch every second of this video. I promise.
Have a fantastic week. Be blessed, Lynn
Last week I found out about an interesting book while watching Stephen Colbert. The Bible Illuminated.
Created by Swedish-based Illuminated World and approved by the American
Bible Society, this magazine style Bible uses the Good News Translation
mixed with images from today. The New Testament is available now and
the Old Testament can be pre-ordered.
I'm fascinated with this
concept. One, Scandinavia is one of the least "religious" areas in the
world. The potential for this "coffee-table" style Bible to reach those
unexposed to Christianity could have huge potential.
On the
other hand, some of the images seem odd. Throughout the Scriptures, certain pieces are highlighted and connect with the images. One photo of three
gangster-looking men seemed to be linked to the three wise men. I
laughed at first, then struggled with the connection. The
covers themselves are very evocative and strong. Here again, I can see
these images working quite well in the Scandinavian region known for its
free thinking, yet I can also picture the more conservative side
finding these covers verging on inappropriate.
However, I'd like
to believe the potential is there to reach those who wouldn't otherwise
pick up a Bible on their own. As an unequally yoked spouse I'm always looking at things like this from the angle of reaching the seemingly unreachable.
I'm not sure how these "books" will go over in the U.S., but perhaps here is where we have to
trust that God will certainly use this to his glory.
We've seen Him use stranger things, haven't we?
Praying and believing,
Dineen
Hi All My Friends, I sure owe you an apology.
I apologize for my sporadic writing schedule in the month of May. In my life, May and December are equal when it comes to over commitments and busyness. I’m sorry! Whew glad to get that off my chest.
Today I want to conclude the truths from the book, Thriving Despite A Difficult Marriage, by Michael and Chuck Misja. To read from the beginning click here.
The premise set forth in this book actually mirrors my journey. It was like reading about my life and how Jesus healed my disappointments. Although I don’t believe I live in a “difficult” marriage, what the authors are sharing is hope. They also are practical. I am all about the practical.
What I learned through my own journey is exactly what these authors share.
1) We ALWAYS can have hope in the transforming power of Jesus Christ. We serve an all-powerful God. He can change anyone and He especially wants to change His children in addition to their unbelieving spouses.
2) Don’t wait for your spouse to change to find purpose, fulfillment and joy in living every day.
Years ago I heard Patsy Clairmont speak at a Women Of Faith event. A casual sentence she spoke during her talk changed my life. She said, “You go ahead and serve God. You don’t need to wait for your husband.”
I guess I thought my husband needed to be a believer first so I could serve God’s kingdom. It was that precise moment the Lord spoke to me and my life changed. I didn’t feel guilty about leaving my husband out of this part of my life and I felt empowered to explore the fascinating and exciting adventures the Lord had for my future. I have been serving and loving Jesus ever since and have never regretted a minute.
Although I still long for us, as a couple, to serve God, I am content to live my life not waiting for my husband to change. I am not in a holding pattern watching life slip by. I am not waiting for my marriage to change. I don’t deny there is still pain and things I want to change in my marriage but I can thrive through those disappointments.
I am thriving and I live a happy life because it is filled with serving Jesus Christ. I am content to wait and pray for my spouse’s salvation. I have a living hope in Jesus Christ, the Redeemer of the world.
If you are living in a difficult situation or struggling to find hope for yourself in a challenging marriage, this book is for you. It is full of healing understanding of how to thrive through some of the most challenging marital situations. Buy it today and begin your own journey this summer.
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Thriving Despite a Difficult Marriage By Michael Misja & Chuck Misja |
Starting next week I am feeling led to get into rich biblical teaching again. I keep hearing the Lord talk to me about, Spiritual Warfare in marriage as well as another subject… What does a Biblical marriage really look like? You would be surprised. It’s not what most people think.
So, I may bounce around with both of these topics. I have found some of the best writing emerges when I just allow the Lord to fill my heart about something and then share it with you. I love all of you who stop here. I pray for you when you and I pray over your marriages. Your marriage relationship is so very important to God. It means more to Him than you will ever know. Be Blessed, Lynn
Welcome to the final week of our Open Forum. We've tackled some tough questions the last several weeks. It has been and honor and a pleasure for us to serve our readers this way. Please, feel free at any time to leave a question you may have in the comments or email Lynn and I directly through our "meet" pages.
This week's question is from Melonie K.:
Since I am a newer reader and have basically just picked up where you were when I found you, do you have suggestions for books that might be available at the library on SUMs? Because I'm LDS, I'd really prefer something that isn't too denominationally focused - titles that are more "general" Christian, that focus on Scripture and personal stories, rather than a certain church's doctrine?
Dineen's Answer: Great question, Melonie. Summer seems like a good reading time so we saved your question for last. Books are an excellent way to find support, encouragement, and understanding. First, let me say that Lynn and I are firm believers in the Bible coming above all other books. You may feel you can't find what you need for your situation in God's Word, but I promise you will. Even if you start with an online Bible search like BibleGateway.com and use their keyword search feature, you will find Scriptures to bring you comfort, memorize, and pray. Be careful of reading books and looking for what you need there more than you search the Bible.
Here at SUM, we also have a page, Absolute Best Books, with a long list of books Lynn and I are happy to recommend. You'll see several in the side bar along with a link to this page. These are books we've read ourselves or researched. Melonie, I encourage you to start there.
In addition to those listed in our library, I'd like to offer these as well:
Spiritually Single by Marcia Mitchell — this book is out of print, but I did find it on Amazon. Printed in 1984 by Bethany House, this is the first book I ever read on the subject being unequally yoked along with Beloved Unbeliever by Jo Berry. Both are excellent books.
Fasting for Spiritual Break Through by Elmer L. Towns — This book outlines nine different biblical fasts. A great too for breakthroughs.
Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas — A lot of the principles Lynn and I share here go across the board to marriage in general. This book is one of the best and it's priniciples apply to all kinds of marriages.
The Love Dare by Stephen Kendrick and Alex Kendrick — We did this study on the 1PeterLiving Loop and witnessed many marriages change for the better.
The Husband Project by Kathi Lipp — This book is like a fun and flirty version of the Love Dare. I haven't had a chance to do this one myself yet, but I know Kathi, the research she put into this book, and her heart behind the book. This is a book to have fun with.
Alone in Marriage by Susie Larson — This book is in my "plan to explore" pile. The book covers a wide range of issues such as pornography, addiction, and depression which place the woman in a lonely position in the marriage. I can't recommend it until I read it, but I put it out there as a possibility for you to explore.
Melonie, pretty much all the books listed here and above are biblically based and nondenominational. I hope this gives you a good list to take to your library, and I hope they at least have some of these books. A lot of libraries will even order them if you ask. That's worth looking into.
Happy reading! — Dineen
Lynn's Answer: I echo Dineen, we write looking to the Word of God for our final answer and authority about marriage and life. However, I also believe there are men and women who have been inspired by the Holy Spirit to write exceptional books which help others to find healing, encouragement and joyful living through the truths of Jesus Christ.
In particular, one specific book became my lifeline in the early years of my marriage. When He Doesn't Believe by Nancy Kennedy. You can find this book in the sidebar. I was a new believer and struggling with my marriage when I discovered this book. Without this tool, I don't know where my marriage would be today. I was so thankful to discover Nancy and since then she has been so kind to be a guest contributor here at Spiritually Unequal Marriage. You can read her posts here and here.
All of the books in our recommended reading are great books. Happy reading this summer.
Now on a different note. Last month in my Women's Ministry Newsletter, I offered some fiction and nonfiction - Beach Reads. These are great books to tote along on summer vacation.
Fiction:
Sophie's Heart by: Lori Wick
The Princess by: Lori Wick
Redeeming Love by: Francine Rivers
The Mark of the Lion Series by: Francine Rivers, Book I & II - A Voice in the Wind & Echo
In The Darkness Danger in the Shadows by: Dee Henderson Negotiator by: Dee Henderson
Nonfiction:
Love and Respect by: Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
Power of a Praying Wife by: Stormie Omartian
Intimacy With The Almighty by: Charles Swindol
The Dream Giver: Following Your God-Given Destiny by:Bruce Wilkinson
The Five Love Languages by: Gary Chapman
I Dared to Call Him Father by Bilquis Sheikh (By far.... My personal favorite this year... Thanks Dee)
You can find all of these titles at Christianbook.com.
God bless and happy reading. Also, if you are interested in doing a book review for any of these titles, please email me,, Lynn. Have a blessed week and happy reading. You're in for a great time this summer. Hugs.
To read last week’s post and pray for your marriage journey this summer, read Thriving Despite (click here).
Before we start to understand how we thrive in a spiritually unequal marriage or any marriage we need to ask a few questions first. Okay, one specific question. Why is marriage so hard? Why is it that when we marry, it isn’t happily ever after?
In the book, Thriving Despite a Difficult Marriage, the author’s describe a myriad of difficulties in a relationship. Communication, religious differences (yep, we know that one), sex, *needs in marriage, etc, but they go on to say something profound.
In the core of almost all couples they believe the difficulties in their marriages are caused by their spouse. Hmmmmm, what do you think about this?
The authors continue; If you focus on your spouse’s defects you will only become more self-righteous and miserable. OUCH! Is this statement directed at me, Lord?
I can tell you in my early years of marriage I was confused. I was disappointed and I experienced pain. And, I will not minimize that we experience pain. Pain comes with disappointment because we need to receive something from our spouse he/she cannot give. Pain because we desperately want to give something they are unable to give. So how can we move past this pain and the disappointment? What do we do with the thought that the decades loom ahead of us with little hope of change?
The author’s have penned the answer very simply: We must understand that unfulfilled desire results in disappointment. But with God’s grace, healthy desires can be embraced and the heart can be kept alive and thriving despite disappointment.
We are going to learn how to take our disappointment and desires and change them, re-craft them into a healthy future. I think this book exactly mirrors what the Lord, God, Himself, did for me over the years. He worked to tear down my unmet desires and replaced them with new, Godly, desires. He wiped away my disappointments and then lifted me to new adventures I couldn’t have dreamed up in my wildest dreams.
Do you want your wildest dreams about your marriage surpassed? Do you want to look at your spouse and actually know in your heart honest forgiveness, genuine and authentic love? It sounds impossible to many of you right now. Believe me, I’ve been there. But….. We serve the LORD, GOD, ALMIGHTY! He has brought you here because He wants you to live with joy in your heart. Love in your marriage and to thrive in this life. He wants you to get over your disappointment because He has a ton of work for you to do for the Kingdom! I promise He does and it is a blast to serve the God of the universe.
So next week, Freedom.
There is so much more about living with difficult spouses in this book. I highly recommend it to anyone struggling in marriage. Be Blessed, Lynn
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Thriving Despite a Difficult Marriage By Michael Misja & Chuck Misja |
*To learn about a man and a woman’s basic needs in marriage, please read this series of posts,His Needs, Her Needs (click here).
Your hope is that God will give you the wisdom, courage, and strength to defeat the enemy’s attempts to corrupt your heart so you can remain alive and passionate. With a thriving heart you will be able to live vibrantly and allow God to offer a powerful love through you to whomever He puts in your path, especially your spouse. The result is that God will be honored and life will be immensely fulfilling.
The description above is an excerpt from the book, Thriving Despite a Difficult Marriage. To read the first part of this series of posts go here.
The goal of this book is not to offer another strategy to get your spouse’s attention or to find the way to successfully heal your marriage. But someone who commits to thriving despite will be in the best position to have a strong marriage. A thriving person is willing to accept who the spouse really is without an agenda to change the partner. Thriving people are prepared to accept that certain things may never happen in their marriage and to grieve the loss. By accepting and grieving the loss of things that will not happen or are not possible, a person becomes free to focus on what is possible in the marriage.
So as we work through this series, I feel a tugging on my heart to go down two roads. One road is what we do when our spouse is unable, unwilling to change –this is the thriving despite model. I know there are many of you living your days in a marriage where you have done everything possible to create a change in your spouse. You have read books, been to counseling, taken courses, and prayed the roof off of your home but you have come to the conclusion things will not change. There is hope for you.
I also believe that many of our spouses can change and are willing to change under the right motivations and circumstances. I believe we need to spend some time looking at our responsibility in the relationship with regard to maturity in both our spouse and ourselves. There is hope for you.
For a few weeks I am going to dedicate posts to the first scenario. So, like the book, I have a few questions for you.
If you are reading this post today, God is preparing your for a journey.
This summer, 2009, He is at work to change something. It is likely that what He is desperately working to change is a heart. Could it be the heart of your spouse? Or is it your heart?
Right now, take five minutes and talk with Jesus. Tell Him about your heart, your pain, your disappointment. Ask Him today, to prepare you for this journey in the weeks ahead to see your spouse with His eyes. Ask the Lord to take away all the confusion about your pain. Ask Him the really difficult question, Lord, let me see the truth about my marriage. Let me see where I need to do better as well as my spouse. Ask Him to make this summer the year your entire marriage, your life, is changed for the better.
I believe in a powerful, life-changing God. I believe He can do fantastic work in the hearts of men and women. I believe He is standing at our front door waiting to come in and teach us to thrive in our spiritually unequal marriage.
Be Blessed and have a fantastic week, Lynn
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Thriving Despite a Difficult Marriage By Michael Misja & Chuck Misja |
Welcome to my new Blog!
This website is dedicated to our Lord and to men and women who live every day in a spiritually mismatched marriage. It is my prayer that this forum will be the place where Christians can find support, encouragement, and practical resources to thrive in their unequal marriage.
I pray that when you visit this site you will be inspired and offer your own insights into God’s design for a healthy marriage in the midst of different viewpoints.
Wow, I wrote these words exactly three years ago today, May 1, 2006. I wonder, as you have visited over the years have you found these words to be true?
As Dineen and I head into the next year of writing, I pray these words all over again. I am deeply humbled that the Lord has allowed me to share the hope I have in Him and in my marriage.
Thank you for allowing me to be part of your life. More than that - thanks for being a part of my life. I am a better woman and wife because of your friendship.
With that said, I now want to turn to a subject we have yet to explore here at Spiritually Unequal Marriage.
WHAT IF YOUR MARRIAGE NEVER CHANGES!
I have written about change often. I have shared how Jesus has changed me and how my spouse has changed. However, there are many of us who in a weak moment allow a tiny thought to penetrate our mind…. What if….
What if he never has a change of heart? What if she never finds Christ? What if she never grows up? What if he never really “knows” the real me?
Tough stuff. For a certain number of marriages, these scenarios are reality. I want to visit these questions in the weeks ahead.
I am reading a great book right now, Thriving Despite A Difficult Marriage by Michael Misja, PhD and Chuck Misja, PhD. They are Christian counselors who practice in Akron, Ohio. In many regards what they have written is what I have been sharing here at SUM. You can thrive, you can have hope, and you can live a fulfilling life even in a challenging marriage.
I know that not all of you who visit SUM find yourself in a long marriage today with little hope for change so this topic may not apply. However, the principals in this book offer all of us hope to enjoy living while we are waiting. The book puts forth three models of a difficult marriage. Where do you see your marriage in these descriptions?
The “Happily Ever After” marriage is for personal fulfillment and pleasant circumstances. In the “Nobel Misery” model the hope is that God will provide enough strength to survive the mess. In the “Thriving Despite” model, the concept of hope looks like…..
….. This is the model we will look at. I plan to post about this kind of marriage in the weeks ahead. Stay tuned.
Have a wonderful weekend. Be Blessed, Lynn
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Thriving Despite a Difficult Marriage By Michael Misja & Chuck Misja |
I was invited to attend at church staff meeting this week. During the meeting we took a personality test. I found the test to be quite revealing and actually immensely helpful. When you understand how your spouse, church volunteer, or co-worker operates, you can work together with increased effectiveness. I was fascinated while listening to our Missions Pastor talk about how she purposely forms missions teams based upon their personalities. She consciously matches complementary personalities to room together and canvas together. The teams are highly effective.
The personality test I want you to take is based on a book written by Gary Smalley. I found it already in a PDF form, on-line. So, click on the link below take the test. Then come back. It is short. I promise.
Now this is where I just crack up... Think of the four personality styles in terms of their use of an instruction booklet:
Okay, So what personality are you? What personality is your spouse?
What personality am I? Can you guess? What about Dineen? What was Jesus?
We have all been uniquely created by God with a personality all our own. We can strive to do what we do best using the talents and temperaments God has given us. We should also strive, with love and understanding, to accept others for the way they are, first identifying their personality styles and then recognizing their needs. We can all work together if we are willing to accept our own limitations and utilize other people's strengths.This is especially true in our marriages.
We also must be willing to recognize that all personality styles have a downside. No one personality style is the best, even thought we may relate best with those most like us. God created us uniquely to be used as a body, functioning in harmony.
Be Blessed
In the near future: I am currently preparing for a new series that Spiritually Unequal Marriage has yet to tackle. I am waiting for some research material to arrive by mail. As soon as it is here, we will get started. I hope next week.
Give this test to your husband. See how you are alike and where you are likely to have clashes. If you want to know what personality your small children are, buy the book and read it with them. They cheer for the animal that matches their personality. God Bless.
A friend of mine passed me a book hoping my husband would pick it up and read it. Oh, how I wish my man would read some of the many, many books I have purchased for him over the years.
I bet every one of us in a spiritually mismatched marriage has hoped the same thing at one time or another… Can I get an AMEN.. Oh well, one day perhaps. But for now I am really enjoying reading them.
The book I am currently reading is, Letters from a Skeptic by Gregory and Edward Boyd. This book is a collection of letters passed between father and son. Dad is an atheist and son is a believer in seminary studies.
The son invites his Dad to ask him any questions about his faith and promises to give an open and honest account. The questions/objections put forth by the Father are some of the same arguments my husband voices to me. The son answers brilliantly and on an intellectual level as to keep his father engaged. This is great stuff.
As I was reading however, a thought struck me which I hadn’t processed before.
God, Himself risked a great deal in creating the world.
Wow! Now I want to share a small excerpt from both letters and I hope you are moved by just how deep and personal is our God and how He risks His heart for us.
Letter 3 From Dad:
I have another nagging question. One has to question the wisdom of a Creator who would wager so much for freedom. (The last letter addressed freedom and freewill of mankind) Is it all worth it? To create a world in which madmen like Hitler or Stalin can use their freedom to take away the freedom –and the lives- of millions of others is, quite frankly, very poor management. If He values freedom so much, why the hell did God make it so tenuous that the will of one could destroy the freedom of millions?
Lynn Note: I can assure you my husband would ask something quite similar.
Response From Son (minor portion taken from his letter- paraphrased): The fact that we humans have such an incredible amount of potential for evil is indicative of the fact that we also have an incredible amount of potential for good. There are Hitlers and Stalins. But there are also Wallenbergs, Mother Teresas and Martin Luther King Jrs. I don’t see how you could have the latter without at least risking the possibility of the former. If we have the potential to oppress or slay millions, it’s because we also have the potential to liberate and love millions.
So is it worth it?
Love hurts. It hurts to love a wayward child, for example. But if a person never loved, he’d never suffer. Then again, he’d never really live. God is in this same position, only on a cosmic scale. To refuse to create a world where love was possible because the risk was too great seems to be beneath God. Love is really the only reason worth creating. It’s not freedom for the sake of freedom that God values –it’s love. Freedom is simply the only possible means to this end. God, Himself risks a great deal in creating the world.
Lynn note: When I read this last sentence I was stunned. I guess I have never considered the great risk our God takes when he loves each human that is born. I never considered the heartache He feels so deeply when we use our freedom to reject Him. The author continues in his book to tell the story of Hosea. How God portrays Himself as one who is married to and deeply in love with a wife who will not be faithful.
I pray you have time to open your Bible today and read this story. Feel the heartache and the risk God is willing to take to create a world where we have an unlimited capacity to love and where He can love us without limit.
Be Blessed, Lynn
It is strange but I find myself listening to a Christian Radio Station that is located in Texas. I found this station through ITunes and have enjoyed the music and positive message. I listen while I write and blog.
Well today the station asked their listeners to submit a fun and creative relationship-building tool.
Valentine’s Day is Saturday and I thought this is a perfect idea for us to share here as well. So, share with me a creative relationship-building tool you have proven in your own marriage. Then log-on to the station KLOVE and submit it there as well.
If they select your suggestion you can win A DVD copy of the movie Fireproof and a copy of The Love Dare book. Since we are starting our Love Dare today at 1Peter3Living, I thought I would enter.
Why not?
I have posted this suggestion at Spiritually Unequal Marriage because it works..... and is perfect for this week heading towards Valentine’s Day. Your V-day could turn out to be very, uhem, un-boring.
Okay here it is…. Gasp!
After 17 years of marriage, I knew it was possible our relationship could languish into boredom and routine. My husband would leave for work and never think about me the rest of the day. Gone were the days when he couldn’t wait to get home to see me.
One day I decided I wanted him to think about me all day. I zinged off a quick email to his Blackberry, "Honey, what color are my panties?"
Shocking?
Perhaps but it worked. He couldn’t stop thinking about me ALL DAY LONG. *grin*
Fun, spice, and Christ are the reasons we are thriving in our 17 years of marriage.
Okay gang.... Let's hear your tip. You are some of the wittiest and wisest people I know. I am sure there are some good ones. Don't be shy. All of us can use a tip to make our marriage better. Be Blessed, Lynn
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His Needs, Her Needs--15th Anniversary Edition By Willard F. Harley, Jr. |
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Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs By Dr. Emerson Eggerichs |
 | The Five Love Languages By: Gary Chapman |
![64344: When He Doesn"t Believe: Help and Encouragement for Women Who Feel Alone in Their Faith](http://unequalmarriage.typepad.com/64344.gif "64344: When He Doesn"t Believe: Help and Encouragement for Women Who Feel Alone in Their Faith")
