Get Ready for Our Next Meme and TV Show!

Last month we launched our first edition of The Intentional Marriage on CWATV.com. Along with that, we did a marriage meme about words from your present self to your past self. This will be part of a book we’re planning to put together with all your wonderful stories! Something you can treasure and pass on to your daughters and granddaughters!

Next Friday October 8th, the next edition of The Intentional Marriage will air at 11:30 a.m. Eastern time (10:30 a.m. Central, 8:30 a.m. Pacific). I will be hosting the show this time along with a guest, Mr. Wonderful. Who is Mr. Wonderful? Weeeell, you’ll have to tune in and find out!

I promise you, we are going to have some fun on this one. We will talk about those starry-eyed expectations we entered into our marriages with and what we thought our husbands should be like way back then.

Next week will be the next part of our “meme theme” of what advice would you give from our now more mature married self to the young married girl you were in the first year of marriage. This month’s meme is this:

Think of one habit or quirk that is uniquely your husband’s and has been since the day you got married. If you could go back to your younger self and give some words of advice in regards to this quirk, what would you say to any or all of the following:

• See the Humor – humorous anecdotes and funny advice about the hilarity and fun in marriage and how to relax and not take ourselves too seriously.
• Powerfully Positive – wisdom and perspective that comes with living with our spouse over time. What wisdom or perspective would you share with your young self that would make married life more fun, fulfilling, and joyful for you and your spouse. How has the power of God worked in your marriage through forgiveness, commitment, and unconditional love.
• Practically Practical – Everyday things that show love to your spouse, yourself, your family. This can be anything. A favorite recipe or a story about letting the laundry go so you can watch a movie together. Anything practical that is edifying and helpful.

Be ready to share your stories next Friday! We can’t wait to read them. I have one I will share with you during The Intentional Marriage show that I think you will find quite humorous. Thank goodness God and my husband are so patient with me! 

I also have two copies each of the books, The Husband Project and The Marriage Project, both by the fabulous Kathi Lipp, to give away to four participants in the meme. So if you post on your blog, be sure to leave a comment on Friday's Meme Post so we can draw names. Plus I have a small surprise for everyone who wants one, but you have to tune in to find out what it is. So many surprises, I know! :-)

If you want to participate in the chat during the program, don’t forget to create your own page on Stickam.com and then “friend” The Intentional Marriage page. That way we can approve you for the chat and protect that area as well. Here are some links to help in case you missed the show last month.

How to watch and participate in Christian Women Affiliate TV, tutorial.

Join in Chat and participate in The Intentional Marriage, tutorial.

Can't wait! See you there!
Praying and believing,
Dineen

Thankful Thursday - Eighteen Years and Counting... Behold!

Let us give thanks. It is Thankful Thursday.

This month, September, we will share our thanks with Iris of Grace Alone. Next month, October, we will be back here at Spiritually Unequal Marriage and then in November we will all meet up with Laurie of Women Taking A Stand. 

Proverbs 3:5-8 (Amplified Bible)  

Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.

In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.

Be not wise in your own eyes; reverently fear and worship the Lord and turn [entirely] away from evil.

It shall be health to your nerves and sinews, and marrow and moistening to your bones.

It's been 18 years. Eighteen long years that I have faithfully prayed for my husband's salvation and today he remains an unbeliever.

Why has God delayed? I said delayed and not unanswered.

Over and over in recent years, I have watched in astonishment our God answers this prayer in multiple facets. My faith became real and vibrant. My prayer life ignited and the enemy shuddered. Our marriage became a precious treasure and we are thriving. My husband now lives with a transformed wife and a transformed life he cannot deny.

DO NOT lean on your own understanding because our Great Big God has ALL things in His sovereign hand. And that's a fact!

Rejoice this Thankful Thursday because God answers prayer. In all ways acknowledge Him then STAND BACK and behold His glory.

Be blessed my friends, Your unanswered prayers are in the powerful hands of our Lord. Lynn

The Eternal Mindset

I believe in eternity. My husband does not.

This fact alone brings us to opposite sides of life. He’s living for the here and now, and I’m living for what’s to come. I know this world is not my home and that when I die I will truly be home in heaven with our amazing and wonderful Savior, God and Friend.

For my spouse, death is final. This life is all there is. I try to wrap my brain around this thought, but I can’t. I just can’t imagine not having heaven to look forward to.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 says: “He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” (NIV)

At God’s direction, I’ve been praying this verse over my sweet hubby since January, and I have to say, some interesting things are happening. Not at all what I expected, but so very much God. You could call it a mid-life crisis, but it’s so much more. My husband’s on a mission to be as healthy as he can by eating right and exercising more. A very worthwhile goal for anyone. But to know my guy is to know he does things to extreme.

No sugar, and jogging for a minimum of an hour at a time are now part of his disc golf schedule. I have to say he’s in the best shape I’ve ever seen him. He’s good at disciplining himself and is naturally athletic. (Which just makes me realize how much harder I need to work at being healthy!) Burned out from the tech industry and desiring to be his own boss, he’s now working independently on his own software projects.

See, from my perspective, it’s all about control. For him, he’s in total control of his life. But is he? He’s doing all this so he can live as long and as well as possible. Could it be that the “eternity” God placed in his heart is stirring, demanding attention?

I believe so. Though my hubby can’t fathom the works of God, this eternity is there in his heart, waiting to be recognized. That’s what I believe God’s Word tells us.

I don’t know what that will mean down the road, but I see the growing discontent in my husband. At times it’s scary because this is our future teetering on a precarious ledge of the unknown. Right now I’m called to trust God even more than ever and love my husband in ways that’s only possible through Christ in me—unconditionally.

Without the knowledge that all of this is in God’s control, I would be fraught with anxiety and worry.

Without the understanding that so much more is at stake than our immediate future and comfort, I would become skeptical and then bitter.

Without an eternal mindset, this would be impossible.

We know that all things are possible through Christ who strengthens us (Phil. 4:13).

We know that He is before all things and in him, all things hold together (Col. 1:17).

We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and are called to his purpose (Rom. 8:28).

We know God.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

I'm Going to Get into Your Business!

On Friday I shared a comment from a reader that really has me thinking. The commenter shares about her spouse:

He would announce he was the head of house (I had told him that) he would tease my new faith in public; all the while I would smile and not correct him (thinking it was not my place).

I can assure you, this scenario is commonplace within unequally yoked marriages. As Christians, we can mistakenly believe we must turn the other check and virtually become a doormat within our marriage in order to convince our spouse of our faith, hoping they will come to Christ.

Women misguidedly believe they are demonstrating love to their mate by going along with their every whim and decision. They also think they are not conforming to Biblical principles when standing up to her husband’s ridicule of her faith and thus allow his disrespect of who she is as his wife. Men who are married to unbelieving wives are desperate to model Christ’s love and therefore give into the demands of their wife hoping their display of sacrificial love will win her over.

Now hear me on this. There ARE times when we need to check our selfishness at the door and support our spouse’s decisions. There are also times when the health of our marriage demands we draw a line in what is acceptable behavior and what is not. Again I refer you to Friday’s post for some suggestions to discover what a healthy marriage relationship looks like.

A few weeks ago a friend shared with me that she was struggling with the way her husband was speaking to her. I decided to share with her how I handled this common conflict in marriage and now I think it’s time for me to tell this story here.

Let me preface this account with a few facts. I am a passionate person. So is my husband. We both came into our marriage with some solid beliefs that are diametrically opposite. This is still the case today. However, the way we handle our disagreements when our conflicting moral issues arise has changed over the years.

In the early years, my husband and I could get into a major shouting match discussion over some random thing that was actually more reflective of our differing worldview. As we would begin to talk about this “small thing,” our passions would fire. Then we became desperate to defend our “truth.” As we would raise the intensity in our discussion and the decibel level of our voices, we would risk stepping over the line and take our conversation to a disrespecting and hurtful level.

I am sure many of you can relate to this scenario. Passions flare. Words fly. Hearts are hurt. Now I’m not a saint by any means and I have said my share of hurtful words but I am going to share an example of how I handled conflict when disrespectful words erupted from my husband.

There were times when I knew my husband had crossed the line and said something that was hurtful and went way beyond what a man should speak to his wife. At those moments I would pause in the conversation, look directly at him, then with a firm determination in my tone say something like this:

“Do NOT, (pause) speak to me that way.”

“It is absolutely out of line to talk to me like that. I don’t speak to you like that and I expect the same from you. I don’t use words like that and I will not allow you to say those things to me.”

I would be so firm and so unyielding that my husband knew he had gone too far. Now I preface this example with the fact that I am careful about how I speak to my husband and can tell him that he can expect the same respect in my language that I am expecting from him.

Another area where I believed I helped my husband grow up a bit was to point out to him that my faith isn’t always the bane of all arguments. Conversations went something like this:

“Even if you take religion out of this, the way you just spoke to me is out of line even in a nonspiritual marriage.”

Or, “The way you just treated me is was out of line even in a nonreligious marriage.”

It is right to receive respect. It is right for us to give our spouse respect. Without mutual respect, marriage is doomed.

I discovered that with many men, especially those who don’t know Christ, they will push their wife at times. Whether it’s fair or not, their respect grows when their wife stands up to him and can voice her opinion. Sometimes they need to be told they are out of line and need to grow up.

On the flip side, these scenarios also apply to wives. We need to listen and discern when we are immature and need to grow up.

Now I’m really going to get into some people’s business with what I’m going to share next. But the kind of conflict I’m about to describe is common in marriage.

If your spouse is addressing you with an obscenity (bitch/bastard etc.) it is not okay.

Likewise, if you are using similar language, stop it today.

Ephesians 4:29 (NIV) Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

There are many behaviors that are not okay and conflict is necessary to maintain a healthy marriage.Remember Jesus’s life was a life of conflict. It still is today.

Matthew 10: 34-36 (NIV) Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn 'a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law - a man's enemies will be the members of his own household.

Stop back on Friday and I will share with you how my husband and I work through conflict now after a few years of marriage. I hope this approach will be of benefit to you and your marriage.

Be Blessed, Lynn

Weekend Devo — Loving When It's Hard

I know sometimes it's not easy to love difficult people. Sometimes it's hard to love our spouses too, especially when there's a lot of hurt and disappointment in the relationship. I read this devotional yesterday and thought it so applicable to our mismatched marriages. We truly can't love our spouses the way Christ calls us to without His help. I thought Rick Warren did a great job dealing with this very issue and wanted to share it with you. Here's the link to the article:

Loving People From the Heart

Right now I'm right in the middle of one of those places that challenges me to love my sweet man sacrificially. I can only describe these changes in my sweet hubby as a midlife crisis! :-)

Aren't those the times we're challenged the most to love someone, when they veer away from expectations and do something...different?

I am so grateful to our Lord and Savior for helping me to love this guy with all my heart and just stand by him as he works through whatever this is. I have my own theories, which I'll share with you next week.

In the meantime, have an amazing weekend! Love your family richly and worship God profoundly. He loves us so much!

Praying and believing,
Dineen

You Crossed the Line

Today I am compelled to share with you a comment from Monday’s post:

I was on the brink of marital disaster when Jesus first started whispering to me to come to Him. Fast forward a few years and someone passed on a book to me about submitting to your husband - I took what it said to the extreme obeying him, not speaking up for myself, just praying and crying and occasionally when I couldn't handle it I would freak-out.

After the book, I thought in order to honor God I must basically bow down to my husband. However as I did this he grew more and more overbearing. His behavior didn't get better but worse. He would announce he was the head of house (I had told him that) he would tease my new faith in public, all the while I would smile and not correct him (thinking it was not my place), but in my prayers and with my bible study I would talk about how horrible he was acting.

It wasn't until a friend witnessed a verbal lashing to me that she bought a book called The Emotionally Destructive Relationship. I had all the signs! It was Christian based and helped me sooo much. It forced me to grow up and speak up, instead becoming an unproductive martyr. I now have the info and help to be a submissive Christ honoring wife and stand up to unhealthy behavior (I have the info but I still have a long way to go.)

Quite a story and I’m glad our reader has brought her experience forward.

Discerning when to hold our tongues and when to speak up is often confusing for new Christians and new brides and grooms. The Bible speaks specifically in 1Peter 3 about winning our spouse without words. Yet, I must point out that Jesus spoke out many times, to share truth and did not back down from conflict. ( I will discuss more about this in future posts. It’s going to be good.)

So how do you discern when to speak and when to remain silent? Your marriage is a partnership, a union to serve one another and to support each other. This partnership is not always equal. A good marriage rarely divides all things fairly. However, I believe where we get off track is when we begin to lack respect for our mate.

We need to take a look at our spouse and hold up some basic truths up to our relationship. I believe a good example of what a healthy marriage looks like is enormously helpful. If you were raised in a home where your parents did not demonstrate a healthy marriage, look for a man or a woman in your church whom you could observe the qualities that are Godly and work in their married life. Spend time with them. Ask them for mentoring. You would be surprised at how many couples will be glad to help.

Read…… There are excellent books, written by Godly authors, who can share healthy boundaries in marriage and help you gain perspective as to what behavior is inappropriate, destructive and what is good and edifying.

I am convinced there are times of conflict in marriage when a wife or a husband must stand their ground such as our reader did with her husband. It is healthy. It sets appropriate boundaries and it helps us “grow each other up.” Remember, when we get married, we are likely immature and actually don’t know it all. Ahem!

It’s okay from time-to-time to help each other grow up.

Okay, your thoughts on this?

On Monday, we will look at some specifics of how this boundary setting plays out in real life. I will share with you a few confrontations that were necessary in our marriage. They were, ahem, loud, and ahem, passionate, and absolutely necessary. Both of us are better people because we worked through the difficulties and learned to respect one another.

Have a fantastic weekend. I’m off to our annual San Diego Writer’s Conference. I’m looking forward to visiting with my editor, Kim Bangs, and all my friends from my local critique group.

Have a blessed weekend. Lynn

Okay, let’s hear your thoughts on setting boundaries.

Thankful Thursday -

Let us give thanks. It is Thankful Thursday.

This month, September, we will share our thanks with Iris of Grace Alone. Next month, October, we will be back here at Spiritually Unequal Marriage and then in November we will all meet up with Laurie of Women Taking A Stand. 

In bible study last week we talked about a Yoke.

I shared this photo.

 

Don't you just love cows? They have a docile manner about them and sweet faces.

In our study, we talked about how a yoke is a bonding, such as in this photo. The cows are held together and must walk in union.

In this world, we are yoked to many things. Some good some destructive. But today, I hear my Savior calling.

Jesus says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

On this Thursday, I am thankful for Jesus and His promise. I am taking His yoke and will walk where He walks, pet the cows along the way, and rejoice that He will handle my worries for today.

Be Blessed, Lynn

We're in This Together

I want to share something absolutely precious with you! One of are readers has started a class for the unequally yoked at her church. We want to give a big "shout out" to the women attending Cindi's class at her church. Here's the info from Cindi herself:

"My church is The Rock San Diego and the Women's Ministry is S.I.S.T.E.R.S. (Spirit-led, Instruction, Sharing, Teaching, Encouragement for Reverent Submission to God). The Bible Study is on Spiritual Warfare titled "Standing Firm" by Karen Stevens (our leader). We meet in classes after Bible Study and the name of my class is "Uniquely Yoked." Book studying is Beloved Unbeliever by Jo Berry. Fall session meets Wednesday nights from Sept 15th - Nov 17th  6:30 - 8:30pm."

If you're in Cindi's area and looking for a group like this, email Lynn or myself (use that little button above with the "C" on it to get our email addys) and we'll get you connected to Cindi for details.

To the dear ladies who are attending her class, I just want to say WE LOVE YOU!!! Hang in there. You're not alone. Beloved Unbeliever is the book that began the transformation God wanted so desperately to work in my marriage. I will be praying for you all as you walk this journey with Cindi. Please feel free to let us know how you're doing!

Ladies (and gents), we are all in this together, and Lynn and I are so honored to be a part of your journey. We are dedicated to this ministry and to helping others find that "thriving" zone. We love you all so dearly and you minister to us too! Did you know that? You are all so precious to us, and we could not do this ministry without your help.

Cindi is such an inspiration in her desire to help others. That's where Lynn and I started and look what God has done! So if you're thinking about starting a small group, go for it. Let us know so we can be praying for you.

We had bookmarks made to help spread the "You're Not Alone" message we bring to this blog and our soon-to-be-released book. We would be delighted to send a few to whoever would like some to keep and share. Email me with your address and I'll send them out.

We are always here to help!

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Grow Up Already!

There is a truth about marriage I bet you didn’t expect, or conceive as a young bride or groom. Marriage is all about….

GROWING UP!

Marriage is for grownups. Yet when most of us rush into our vows, we discover fairly quickly that our spouse is immature. Yep.. Tell us something we don’t know *grin*

However, begrudgingly we will admit we are also immature. I look over the years of married life and I can see the brilliant design of matrimony. I know, without doubt, God wants me to grow up and He uses my spouse to mature me.

Hebrews 6:1(a) 1Therefore let us leave the elementary teachings about Christ and go on to maturity,

I love the Message translation of Hebrews 1

1So come on, let's leave the preschool finger-painting exercises on Christ and get on with the grand work of art. Grow up in Christ.

It seems so simple.

Our parents strived to grow us up. Our God, our Heavenly Father, is desperate us to grow up. He has so much to give us and share with us but until we are mature enough to handle it, He waits.

Not everyone wants to grow up. Many fear growing up. Some refuse to grow up and so many are too selfish to grow up. Then we get married. Do you see a recipe for disaster here? I can bet there are millions of marriages that struggle with one or both spouses who are immature.

One of the greatest things about becoming a believer in Jesus is that we have a reliable, authentic, and doable guidebook to maturity. What a relief. I have more to say about this later.

It is nearly impossible to change anyone but yourself. So, our maturing process must begin with “self.” When we have stepped out onto that path of truly seeking to mature in Christ, lasting growth happens. It changes our perspective, our character, our outlook almost everything. But, on the flip side, what do we do if our spouse refuses to grow up?

Well, I will submit to you that we can’t force our spouse to change just because we think they need to change. Change begins when a person is confronted with a valid need to change. And there are instances when we ares the means by which change is brought about in our spouse. This is common in a healthy and committed marriage.

What I want to explore in the next few posts is our role as a spouse in an unequally yoked marriage in the “growing up” part of marriage.

In our marriage relationship, we learn to surrender our selfish nature. And that happens as we:

• Sort out how to share tasks and duties of our home (not usually equally but shared in some fashion)

• Learn responsibility for ourselves and others, such as children.

• Develop appreciation mostly when one spouse gives expectantly.

• When we disagree fight.

Conflict is at the heart of the learning process. Yep, a disagreement, an argument, a fight.

We actually need conflict. It’s a bummer but true. How we navigate that conflict, however, is enormously important.

Today, I look back on my marriage and can affirm that certain conflict was absolutely necessary to maintain a healthy relationship AND there were times in conflict I should have kept my big mouth shut.

Can I get an Amen?

Discerning when to engage and when to shut up is the most difficult part of the growing up process. So I want to talk about the discernment aspect of conflict and then discuss some actual situations that are likely to happen in every marriage and how to navigate through them.

On Friday, stop in for the second post in this series. Let’s learn when it’s time to stand your ground or when we need to let go. I don’t always get the discernment thing right but I have learned a few things and I think I hear the Lord calling me to share some strategies that have worked in our marriage.

I started to look for a few good books, written by Christian authors on the subject, but couldn’t find one in my home library. So today, I would be so grateful to hear your suggestions for reading about resolving marital conflict. I’m sure there are many of us who would benefit from a great book on navigating our “growing up” conflicts.

Be blessed this week. See you again on Friday when we will talk about discernment. God has so much to give all of us in this area and I’ll share what He has taught me.

Hugs, Lynn

Thankful Thursday - A Glimpse of the Supernatural

Let us give thanks. It is Thankful Thursday.

This month, September, we will share our thanks with Iris of Grace Alone. Next month, October, I can't believe I'm talking October, we will be back here at Spiritually Unequal Marriage and then in November we will all meet up with Laurie of Women Taking A Stand. 

So, I have to share this experience with you or I’m just going to burst. 

Our church has a missions person, her name is Lisa. She is a woman after God’s own heart. She is passionate about telling people about Jesus. Right now, she is in the country of Nepal along with another member of our church, Simon. 

These two from our church are teaching alongside two Nepalese Christians. Last night as they were gathered for teaching in a large group of the Nepalese people about 800 or so, something absolutely amazing happened. During this service, the two men who are Christians from Nepal were in the audience and were actually bringing healing to some of the people and there were some demonic forces that were being fought against and cast out…. (I know. This sounds wild. Like right out of the Bible) 

Well as this was going on my friends Lisa and Simon were on the stage along with one of the native guys who is a Christian. In the middle of the teaching this guy stops and says….. Now get this… 

“Here comes the power of God.” 

He felt it descending upon them. 

In that second, my friend Lisa’s eyes rolled into the back of her head. Her entire body stiffened as straight as a board and she fell straight back on the floor. Simon, rushed to her to help her but the Christian Nepalese guy said, “NO, don’t touch.” 

Lisa remained unconscious for four minutes. 

When she finally came to consciousness, she told Simon, “I went to the throne room of God.” 

Did you get that? 

She then, left the stage and went into the audience to the people out there whom God showed her and she began to do healing as well. 

Simon called his wife last night and that is how I got the story. Lisa said, “I will never be the same. This changes everything.” 

Simon told his wife that the principalities of the darkness are everywhere and more prevalent than we know here in America. He said to her and to us, “Just pray…. Pray against the powers of the darkness.” 

I am sharing this with you because I want you to know just how powerful our God is. He has given to us the ability to fight the powers of darkness, to call down the power of God and He is begging us to do so. 

I burst into tears as this story was told to me today and I have begged God to teach me how to pray. To really pray. To live constantly in the spirit and…… 

Rock my world so radically that I will never be the same. 

We need God and we just need to let go of all the small stuff we are desperately clutching at, trying to control, then stand back as someone shouts, 

“Here comes the power of God.” 

Are you ready? I’m ready and I am scared but I want to visit that throne room and live a radically changed life. 

Love you my friends. Let Jesus bring your healing this very hour. In the name of Jesus. Amen. 

Hugs, Lynn