Marriage Monday - Girl Talk with My Teen.

It's Marriage Monday and our topic is fantastic, like always:

Girl-talk: Mothers & Daughters Talk About Love

 

You can probably imagine since I write so much about marriage my teen daughter has heard a lot about the subject of romantic love, marriage, men, women and everything in between. Poor kid.

Well, in fact, I tend to jump on my soap box often when the subject of marriage arrives in conversation. I mean really, I have a teenager, she is boy crazy, and she lives with married people. Poor, poor, kid.

Okay, don't feel too sorry for her.

I will admit she has been known to roll her eyes and say, "Mom, you're doing it again."

I glance at her, and grin in an oops, I just-can't-help-myself look, then say, "Sorry, but you know this is a subject of my passion."

*Eye-roll*

However, we enjoy some of the most stimulating, hilarious, and fascinating conversations about love and marriage.

Take a listen to a few of our favs:

"Mom, I hate football. I can't believe guys watch this silly sport all day long. I mean really. A bunch of dudes, dressed in tights bashing into each other. It's positively barbaric."

Now it's my turn for an eye-roll. "Oh girl, you have so much to learn. Men like sports, learn to like football, your marriage will get along all the better. Trust me on this."

_____

"Mom, have you really forgotten what it's like to be in high school? Girls, want a boyfriend."

"Sweetie, don't rush it. I know it seems like it would be a cool thing to have a boyfriend but you have to ask yourself, are you truly ready for all that entails? Saying you have a boyfriend and actually having a boyfriend are two different things. You have plenty of time. Trust me on this."

_____

Just now I asked my Teen, "When I talk about marriage with you, what do I say?"

"Mom, you remind me to marry a believer. Life's easier that way."

~Hmmmm, I bet you are not surprised by this conversation.

_____

And now, I am leaving you with a conversation that might offend your sensibilities. For certain this is a conversation for girls only so guy readers out there, look away. Please receive this in the humor intended. *grin*

"Mom, why are guys so obsessed with the size of their, ahem?"

"Girl, I can't even begin to explain that one. I haven't a clue."

~Conversation over.

Just keepin' it real! Don't be too mad. I bet a few of you women out there have pondered the same thing on occasion. *grin*

_____

I love my husband and I love being married. I want my daughter to experience the miracle of marriage and romantic love. I know the Lord will use her marriage to teach her, selflessness, friendship, trust, service, sacrifice, authentic love, and a multitude of other Godly characteristics. He certainly used my marriage in this way.

It is a continuing prayer of mine that she will meet the man God has prepared for her and their lives together will serve and honor our Lord, Jesus Christ. I have been praying for this young man since my daughter was tiny. The in-laws too. I can't wait to finally meet them as well.

I'm looking forward to reading your thoughts and conversations. See you over at Chrysalis.

Be blessed, Lynn

Weekend Devo — Restoring Joy

⁹ Hide your face from my sins
       and blot out all my iniquity.

 ¹⁰ Create in me a pure heart, O God,
       and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

 ¹¹ Do not cast me from your presence
       or take your Holy Spirit from me.

 ¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation
       and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

— Psalm 51:9-12

The other morning I woke up feeling very unsettled. I knew something was off. And I don't share this to make myself seem more than I am. Quite the opposite actually, but that day, my feet didn't hit the floor.

My knees did.

I knew I was not right with God. I'd let the business that is the norm for me this time of year to crowd Him out. And as I knelt, I felt the nudge to pray for God to restore the joy of His salvation to me.

Then, to top it off and to make sure I truly understood He was the one who wanted my attention, the Upper Room booklet used Psalm 51 for that day's devotional.

I love it when God makes it clear He's very present and very aware of what's going on inside my life and in my heart. Even in His discipline, His intense love and caring are clear.

I'm not where I'd like to be. I still need to calm the clamor of deadlines and agendas to fully refocus. But what reassurance to know that even as David wrote down this Psalm, God knew I would need it, too.

We serve an incomprehensible God who pursues and adores us even when we forget Him. How great is He?

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Chronicles of the Donovan Clan

Hello…..

What happened? August is over… I feel like deer in head lights. Where in the heck did the month go? I had so much to write about and finish up before September.

So let’s finish up our conversation about conflict. Give you an update from the Chronicles of the Donovan Clan, talk some about Mothers and Daughters and their talk about love on Marriage Monday, and finally prepare for the big launch of “Tune in to Heaven’s Frequency.” This is a 30 day journey that I promise will forever change your marriage. Are you up for the dare? Starts October 1st. Details in mid-September.

Whew, are you tired yet?

Today: Chronicles of the Donovan Clan

First, I want to tell you a story about a young woman I knew a while back. This young wife woke up one morning to the realization that she did, in fact, believe in the God of the Bible. She grappled with the truth that she’d been running from the man, Jesus, who she remembered from Sunday school tales. She knew from that day forward, life would never be the same. Her faith was reborn.

Sitting up in bed, she looked over at her sleeping husband, tears burned. “Oh no, he really doesn’t know Jesus. He will never be part of my life of faith.”

That was the day she began to pray for his salvation.

Years past. Prayers continued. Bible study groups prayed for her husband. The church too.

Nothing.

Still, she prayed.

As I remember that young woman, I swallow a lump in my throat. It was me.

I have prayed for more than 17 years for my husband’s salvation. I have longed for a life where I felt safe to talk about this man, Jesus, within my marriage. I clung to the hope of mutual Christian friends. I was desperate to sit as a family in a church service.

So, why hasn’t God heard my prayer? I know the salvation of my spouse is in His perfect will. Why? I guess the more important question to ask is why didn’t I just give up and stop asking? After seven years? After ten?

Am I a fool to pray for more than 17 years for the same thing?

I know that there are many of you right now, in this very place. You have thoughts, “God I want to give up. He is never going to change his mind. Why aren’t you listening to my prayers?”

Now I am going to tell you why you are not EVER going to give up.

I know our God listens to our heart’s yearning for a believing spouse. The reason I know why is because for the first time ever, my husband is attending church with me. Mind you, he still has not crossed the line to baptism but the man gets out of bed on Sunday mornings, gets ready and our family goes to church together.

Further, this past Sunday, he brought his bible. He followed along with the message the pastor gave, flipping pages, pointing out notes in the margin to me as my heart soared.

Miracle of miracles.

I thought I was going to pass out when I caught a glimpse of the book in the man’s hand as he got in the car.

Now I don’t know where this new interest in God will take him. I have been here before. However, for years this man wanted nothing to do with Jesus. He vehemently fought against all things of faith. Yet, this week I experienced one of my deepest longings fulfilled. He came to church. He talked with two guy friends there. (I had to go find him because he was outside talking away…. To another Christian man…. ) He brought his Bible. He read it. He held my hand as we sat together.

Please hear me. None of this change is because of me. It is all because it is the Lord’s will to save my husband. I only prayed along the way. Nonetheless, God delighted me in the process and granted my heart’s desire.

How undeserved am I, but so humbly thankful.

I will continue to pray for my husband’s salvation and during this season of our life. I will pray every day. Every day. For another 17 years if that is the will of God.

So, when you think you can’t utter another word for your husband, because you are disappointed, angry, or perhaps at the end of your rope, I know you can. I have been there too. God listens to every word.

There are three words that I prayed when the hour seems darkest in marriage, in parenting, in life, “Lord, change me.”

He will!

Have a blessed day, Lynn

Thankful Thursday - A Second Chance

This month we will be meeting at Grace Alone, Iris will be hosting.

September we meet again at Women Taking A Stand and I will see you here again for the month of October.

This has been a crazy week. I feel like I have taken three steps forward and two steps back. I triumph in some areas and lose ground in others.

It seems that sometimes I may never conquer some of my struggles. I often wonder why the Lord puts up with my nonsense at times. I don't know why He is so patient with me.

But...

As always, the Lord sends a word, an email, a hug along to tell me, I forgive you 7 X 77 X 77 (not the actual scripture numbers, but in my case... factual.)

My Lord says, "I haven't called the qualified. I have qualified the called. Lynn, I love you and want you to just keep doing what I told you last. Trust me."

"Lynn, I love you. I love you. I love you."

I am indeed blessed. THANK YOU LORD!

Happy TT. Hugs, Lynn

"This Should Keep Us All Thinking"

My precious daughter Leslie found this video on You Tube. Whether the story is true or not doesn't matter. The message is a powerful one. You can find out more about the person who made it on You Tube.

And I find especially precious the setting of this story, because today is Leslie's first day back at school. After a year of surgeries, treatments and recovery, she's excited about restarting her life. Her words, not mine!

Can I just shout it from the rooftop? GOD IS GOOD!!!

Praying, believing, and rejoicing,
Dineen

On the Road to Nowhere Good

Guest post by: Tami Boesigner

Her husband had interest in an organization she knew to be contrary to God’s Word and she was upset.

“It’s wrong,” she said, “I know it’s wrong.”

“Have you told him that?” I asked.

“He knows I disagree, but I haven’t come out and said it.” She explained she had a tendency to tell him what to do and his response was never good. Usually, voicing her strong opinion only motivated him to show her he knew better. She felt it best to let him come to the conclusion himself to avoid the bad patterns they followed in the past. So she agreed to let him invite some people from the organization over to discuss what it was all about.

“I’m his wife,” she said, “If he’s going to go on this journey, I’m not letting him do it alone.”

The visit led to an invitation to tour the organization’s facility. Playing the supportive spouse, she agreed to go along, but her insides were churning. For good reason.

“How far are you willing to go?” I asked, “Where is this path leading? First, it’s a harmless visit in the safety of your own home, then it’s an invitation to tour the facility. Where are you going next?”

“I don’t know,” she said.

“Isn’t the logical end to this road an invitation to join the organization? Are you willing do that?”

Here’s where the hard rubber meets the concrete road. Conflict is inevitable. At some point, this couple WILL butt heads over this issue. Wouldn’t it be better to address it early on, before potential damage could be done?

Has a similar scenario affected your marriage? As tough as it may be to hear, there’s a fine line between being supportive and enabling your spouse to go down a path you know to be wrong. We want to be loving and encouraging. We want to take an interest in what our husbands do. We don’t want to come across as judgmental wives. And it’s true as spouses we have an allegiance and responsibility to our mates.

But our first allegiance is to God.

Is there an area your spouse delves in that you know to be wrong in God’s eyes? Do you wonder how to handle it?

Guest Post: By Tami BosingerI suggest you take a hard look at the path you’re traveling and ask yourself some tough questions:

What does God say about it?

Where is this leading?

How far can I travel with him?

Am I supporting him or enabling him to take the wrong road?

What does a LOVING wife do?

Confronting the issue will probably cause conflict, but do you truly love your man if you make the path to destruction easier? May God give us courage and wisdom to do what is right in His eyes.

Tami Boesiger

The Next Step

Tami Boesiger: Tami shares her life with husband, Kevin, a Creative Arts Pastor and their four children in Beatrice, Nebraska. She considers her marriage God’s big miracle to her and has enjoyed being Kevin’s wife for 21 years. The two of them collaborate to write musical productions and skits for their church, some of which are sold on their web site, Distinctive Notes. Striving to be real and genuine in her writing, she candidly shares her struggles and asks the questions we all ponder, wanting people to see that being a Christian is not about being perfect or having all the right answers, but about living beyond our earthly existence. Tami keeps busy staying on top of her kids and all their activities, leading Ladies’ Bible studies, writing, singing in choir and worship team, playing clarinet and saxophone, lunching with friends and hanging out with her husband. Get to know Tami at her blog, The Next Step.

Weekend Devo — Don't let that hold you back.

“Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body” (Romans 12:5 MSG).

So often we focus on what we lack or a flaw and see these things what holds us back. Yet we forget that God created us exactly as we are and even designed good works for us with our specific talents and flaws in mind.

Amazingly, if you haven't noticed, it was those significantly flawed characters in the Bible who accomplished the most for God. Why? I think it's because they couldn't rely on their own abilities and get caught up in their own press. They had to rely on God to get the job done.

Take a look at this list from a Purpose Driven Connection devotional by Rick Warren.

• Abraham was old,
• Jacob was insecure,
• Leah was unattractive,
• Joseph was abused,
• Moses stuttered,
• Gideon was poor,
• Samson was codependent,
• Rahab was immoral,
• David had an affair and all kinds of family problems,
• Elijah was suicidal,
• Jeremiah was depressed,
• Jonah was reluctant,
• Naomi was a widow,
• John the Baptist was eccentric to say the least,
• Peter was impulsive and hot-tempered,
• Martha worried a lot,
• The Samaritan woman had several failed marriages,
• Zacchaeus was unpopular,
• Thomas had doubts,
• Paul had poor health, and
• Timothy was timid.

So next time you think you're not equipped to do what God's calling you to, think again. It's not what you've got to offer that will get the job done. It's that you recognize the only way it's going to happen is if you get out of the way and let God work through you. And if he's calling you, he'll certainly equip you.

Amen?

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Thankful Thursday - Growing Up!

This month we will be meeting at Grace Alone, Iris will be hosting.

September we meet again at Women Taking A Stand and I will see you here again for the month of October.

Well for many of us it is back to school week. May I just say one thing:

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Do you remember that office supply commercial? It makes me grin.

On this Thursday when we take time to reflect on the things we are thankful for, I must share a story about how our Great God works in the lives of our kids.

On Monday my daughter, my baby girl, started High School. I can’t begin to tell you who felt more stressed - her or me. Sheesh!

Two weeks prior, my daughter held my hand and said, “Mom, please pray that I have some friends, girls I know, in some of my classes.”

“Sweetie, I will but you need to pray also.”

“I have been Mom.”

A week flew by and my daughter picked up her schedule a few days before school resumed, no friends. Not a single person she knew was in any of her classes.

As she told me about her scary future without friends, I knew what she was thinking. Is God real? Does he really hear me when I pray? Why didn’t he listen to me and give me at least one friend?

I let the moment pass. I didn’t have words. However, the next morning, I sat with the Lord in the garden and I asked Him about these very thoughts. “Lord, she is going to think you don’t hear, or answer prayer. She is a kid trying to have faith. But at this very stressful time in her life she needed to hear from you.”

During this prayer time, I felt the Lord speaking to me, “Trust me. I have this worked out. I have appointed new friends for her. They will meet in due time. Trust me on this.”

Well this answer was great for me but how would I explain this to my baby girl? Wouldn’t you know it, later that day, my daughter, and I were standing in the kitchen and SHE initiated the conversation and voiced her disappointment with God. “Mom, why didn’t He hear me?”

This is where I tell you I am so thankful for prayer and for a God who knows what He is doing.

The moment presented itself for me to share with her the very words God spoke about her friendships. I said, “Trust God in this Caitie. He has friends waiting for you. I know you think he let you down but I am telling you, God has this covered.”

Well indeed on her very first day after school, she arrived at the car, hot and tired but with happiness in her heart. It was a good day. She met several new friends right away. (Not the usual pattern for this child)

Now I am not one to say to someone, I told you so. However, I smiled and in a kind voice I said, “See, I told you, the Lord had this all worked out.”

“Ya, Mom, He did.”

Priceless!

What are you thankful for this Thursday? Have a great day. Be Blessed, Lynn

The Physical Connection

Last week I did a post over at Adding Zest, Patty Wysong's site that tastefully deals with the physical side of Christian marriage. And it falls right in line with our explorations of staying connected to our spouses and dealing with conflict. I hope reading "The Physical Connection" blesses you as much as it blessed me writing it. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this particular topic and the four suggestions I make. 

On a side note and along our ongoing theme here at S.U.M., looks like I'm now an official disc golf player! Are you laughing? I know I am but in a good way. My sweet hubby has loaned me one of his bags and several discs. And this past weekend he bought me a lightweight visor and my very first store-bought disc. I never thought I'd wind up on the course by his side, but I'm having fun and even better, so is he! I think I impressed my dad, who's a traditional golfer. He's so pleased I won't be be a "golf widow."

God moves in amazing ways, doesn't he? I'll keep you posted!

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Marriage, Alcohol, Final Thoughts and a Suprise!

When we began this series regarding conflict I set out some of the guidelines and the premise by which we intend to explore the specific issues. If you have not read that post, please read it now (go here, then come right back).

I want to add some thoughts about our current topic, Alcohol and Marriage, before we move on to another subject.

I went back and reread the posts and my husband also read them. I asked him what he thought and we started a conversation. He looked at me and said that it appears that this series of posts casts him as a man with an alcohol problem.

Yikes! I didn’t realize I wrote it that way.

He does not have an alcohol problem. He never has. (Okay, Honey, whew, glad I cleared the air.)

I also wanted to let you know that I ran this topic and my thoughts by our church counselor. He was also in agreement that Al-Anon and Alcoholics Anonymous are excellent programs. I also know Troubledwith.com offers advice on coping with and the treatment of alcoholism. You can find the link on our resources page in the sidebar.

This is only one issue, a major issue for sure, in which a marriage can encounter conflict. This kind of an issue I would consider a major issue as compared with disagreeing on what sofa to buy for the living room.

What I think we need to talk about next before jumping into the life-altering issue of infidelity is this: When does conflict cross a boundary line? And, the follow up question: Is it right to create a “crisis” in your marriage to resolve such conflict? Ahhhhh, great questions. I have been dying to talk about these.

What do you think?

Have a fantastic week. Lynn

PS. Over four weeks ago the Lord woke me up in the middle of the night. He gave me another idea to share with you. If you have been reading for a while here at Spiritually Unequal Marriage, you might remember the Kingdom Assignment we all did together last year. That was a humbling and triumphant experience all at the same time. It was awesome. God has the best ideas! (to read some of the posts, click on the Kingdom Assignment in the sidebar.)

This new idea that God gave me is similar except this time, the Lord wants to do something for you.

I plan to tell you more about it next week. We are going to give it a whirl during the month of September. The kids go back to school and schedules resume. The Lord said it is a perfect time to prepare us for a major shift in our lives and lead us into the most amazing season of our lives.

Girls and men, I am psyched. I will tell you more soon. Now, I wonder, could the Lord be putting a little tickle in your heart? Perhaps you are to be part of this.

I can’t wait, I tell you. I just can’t wait.