Thankful Thursday - God Broke My Heart

Wow, another week has passed by and it forgot to take me with it… (thanks Patsy Clairmont) …and here we are again to give thanks to our Lord for the great gifts we have.

Over the weekend the Donovan Clan watched the critically acclaimed movie, Slumdog Millionaire. I was moved to tears. It is harsh to watch but it’s reality.

I turned off the television and gave thanks to God for the missionaries from Sunridge Community Church, and the mission team leaders, Simon and Kimette Reeves. The Reeves’ heart broke several years ago over the horrendous conditions of orphans in India.

Out of that broken heart was born, India’s Kids.  A mission that supports two orphanages that help feed, shelter and educate the children at Jacobs Well Children’s Home and Mercy Children’s Home in Manipur, India. They will be traveling there in July to expand the orphanage and save a few more children.

Watch the movie and pray. I did! Now I wish I was going to travel with the team this summer. You can bet I will be praying up a storm over them come July.

One person CAN make a difference in this world. It may be only one person’s world but it can be changed forever none-the-less. I am thankful God calls each of us to one area where our heart breaks. I am thankful the Lord compels us to make life on earth a little better for someone else.

God broke my heart for anyone living in an unequally yoked marriage. I am deeply thankful that He did.

What is God breaking your heart over this Thankful Thursday? Be blessed, Lynn

For more Thankful Thursday, Visit, Laurie at Women Taking a Stand.

What about Tithing?

For the next several Tuesdays we will be answering the questions left on last week's Open Forum. And we love your questions! So please feel free to ask more.

This week's question is from Amanda:

"I would love to hear how you handle giving (financially) in a SUM. I don't think it would be accurate to say that my husband is an unbeliever exactly, but he is less inclined than I am to dedicate this life to living for God. The biggest struggle we have is regarding tithing and offerings- he generally feels that the 10% is an arbitrary number that has no bearing on modern life. Any thoughts on how to handle this is greatly appreciated!"

Lynn's Answer: Tithing: This is a controversial issue in any marriage but this is one area where unequally yoked couples tend to be at odds frequently. What does the Bible say about tithing? Let’s take a look.

Actually the Bible has much to say about money. Jesus taught us to use our money to influence friends.

Luke 16:9 (NIV) I tell you, use worldly wealth to gain friends for yourselves, so that when it is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal dwellings. 10"Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. 11So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches? 12And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else's property, who will give you property of your own?

He also said, Luke 12:48b (NIV) From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.

There are many scriptures in the Old Testament which address tithing. Look in the first book of the Bible, Genesis: And blessed be God Most High, who delivered your enemies into your hand." Then Abram gave him (Melchizedek, king of Salem) a tenth of everything. Chapter 14:20.

But I want you to remember, we live in the new Age. The age of grace given to us by Christ Jesus. We are no longer subject to the law.

With that said, the following scripture is what speaks to me about tithing:

2 Corinthians 9:7 (NIV) Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

So how does this play out in real-life with our spouse. From my own marriage I can tell you that my husband can get worked up about tithing. Because of the years of televangelists pleading for money then misappropriating it, my husband has a jaded view of “giving to the church.” Can I get an AMEN?

And honestly, I can understand why he might feel that way. I have been careful not to push tithing as an issue in our marriage. I give a small portion of our income. Very small. So small that it does not create discord in our relationship. Do I feel bad about this or desire to give more? YES! However, I trust God to see my heart. He knows what I would like to do. More importantly He does not want tithing to become one more issue to drive my husband away from Jesus.

So, I give of my time. I volunteer in ministry. A lot! But not so much that I neglect our home, or him or our daughter. God honors this in our life.

What God really wants is not our money. He wants our heart. First and foremost. Period. The End.

Look at the scriptures below and discover what God really wants. Hint, it is not your checkbook. Be Blessed, Lynn

Revelation 19:7 Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready.

Psalm 29:2 Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name; worship the LORD in the splendor of his holiness.

Matthew 22:37 Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'

Dineen's Answer: Tithing is a very difficult issue to settle clearly, and I think Lynn's advice above is sound and the Scripture references are perfect. What I'm about to share is what worked for me.

About 12 years ago, the tithing issue came up big time in my marriage. I'd just recommitted my life to Christ and had joined a church I adored. And my precious hubby had made the decision for atheism. Talk about a couple going in opposite directions!

The tithing issue weighed heavily on my heart though. I wanted to do our part and worried what it would mean if we didn't. At the time I was reading a book called The Wonderful Spirit Filled Life by Charles Stanley. He tells you do this exercise where you write whatever decision you're grappling with on a note card or piece of paper. Then find a quiet place to pray uninterrupted. Ask God to make you absolutely neutral in this decision. Once you've prayed, tear it up, acknowledging your willingness to become neutral and continue praying until you are convinced you're neutral about it.

I wrote on a card that I would ask my husband what he felt we could tithe each month and that I would accept whatever he said. Once I'd prayed and felt I'd reached this place of neutrality, I went to my husband and asked what we could do. He told me a figure. Amazingly, I was fine with it. And though it was not the 10% I thought we were supposed to give, it was more than I'd hoped for. Every year since, I've asked my husband what he feels we can handle, and that's been the commitment ever since.

No, it's not 10%, but I know I'm honoring God and my husband by doing it this way, and that I can give in other ways as well, like using my graphic design skills and programs to do the church newsletter.

And as time has progressed, I've found that I'm the one tested in this. For example, roughly three years ago I started doing freelance graphic design work again. From the start I made the decision to tithe 10% of the extra money I earned. And my hubby was fine with it.

My income has slowly but steadily increased. When we've needed the money, the work has come in. When God had something more important for me to do, like take care of  my daughter when she was diagnosed with a brain tumor, the work literally stopped until the very last week of her treatment. I was faithful, therefor so was God. And you'll notice this had to do with me, not my husband.

So, Amanda, if we were sitting down with a nice cup of coffee and some girl-talk, I would tell you not to worry about the amount but the heart and motivation behind it. God wants us to tithe our resources happily as a way of giving thanks, and a reminder that we what have—money, skills, resources—are from his hand anyway. Ask your husband what he's comfortable with and honor it. That way he's not grumbling and neither are you. Then let God do the rest.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

What Personality was Jesus?

Did you take the personality test? Scroll down and read Friday's post.

On Friday many of us did and I was thrilled to hear from you. I think it was cool that you also figured out the personality of your spouse. Having that knowledge sure can help as we interact with them.

So, what personality was Jesus? Well, he was completely human and yet God, so we would find Christ in the center. He is likely the most balanced human being there ever was. What a relief. That means He “gets” us.

All of us!

I know many of you have taken personality quizzes before. Here are some of the examples:

Lion is also Choleric, red, Type A

Otter is also Sanguine, yellow, type B

Beaver is also Phlegmatic, blue and type C

Golden Retriever is Melancholic, green and type D

What I want to point out now is that your personality traits contribute to who you are. But, you can override some of the negative traits and change through the power of Jesus. I am exhibit A of this truth. Let me explain.

Ten years ago, I was a rigid, Type A, banking executive. I was responsible for a large staff of multiple branches, a giant commercial loan portfolio, and a hefty client list of whom almost all were men. Okay, so my Type A personality probably was helpful to make decisions and accomplish goals. But I sure was rigid and probably a pain to get along with. However, God in His infinite wisdom decided to teach me about REAL living.

He picked me up and moved me to California. I became a stay-at-home mom and wife. He then took me further to become a friend to women. I now serve in Women’s ministry at church and I serve many women through Spiritually Unequal Marriage. (Guys too)

Can I tell you how much- way--- out of my comfort zone and life experience this was for me. But, I learned to move from my demanding, type A, personality, to a friend who didn’t need to be in control or make all the decisions.

I am telling you…. It was an EXTREME personality makeover.

The success of this makeover was confirmed to me as I sat in the church staff meeting last week. As I told the staff members that I am a “WAY RED” personality, the response was. “Wow, Lynn you must really hide that because I just don’t see it in you.” I am deeply thankful the Lord loves me so much that He will not leave me unchanged. Still, you should know I am a giant work-in-progress.

I am sharing this story to encourage you. God desires to re-craft us in the image of Jesus. Jesus is at the center of the personality scale and He is moving us in that direction as well.

Today I understand and appreciate so much about other personalities. More than I ever did.

What I find humorous about personalities is God gave me a husband who is a Type C. (Do water and oil mix?) What a hoot. God works through the different characteristic of my man to accomplish many purposes. Such as, humility, understanding, and an appreciation to see things from a different perspective and but mostly I have gained patience!!

How is God working through the different personalities with whom you live and work, Is He using them to perfect a good work in you?

Notice different personalities in your life this week at home, at work, and at church. It will soften your heart and grow your love, even your love for the un-lovely in our lives.

Have a great week. Be Blessed, Lynn

PS. Dineen is a Golden Retriever/ Beaver. No wonder we work so well together and complement each other. Hugs…

Wekend Devotion — Worldly Wisdom Takes a Blow

For it is written: "I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate." Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? — 1Corinthians 1:19-20

I know there's been a lot of discussion on the web about Susan Boyle over the last week or so, and I'm sure you've heard about her one way or another. As I watched this clip on U-Tube, the above verses came to mind. Here was this woman who by worldly standards didn't measure up, yet she blew everyone away with her outstanding voice. To watch this dear woman confound the judges and the audience was truly a delight. That was a God moment for me, one in which his presence is subtle yet deep in meaning.

I applaud Susan Boyle not only for her voice, but alos for proving the world wrong. And wow, what a voice indeed! Don't you just love it when God uses things like this to show us we really don't have things figured out like we think?

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Do You Have Personality?

I was invited to attend at church staff meeting this week. During the meeting we took a personality test. I found the test to be quite revealing and actually immensely helpful. When you understand how your spouse, church volunteer, or co-worker operates, you can work together with increased effectiveness. I was fascinated while listening to our Missions Pastor talk about how she purposely forms missions teams based upon their personalities. She consciously matches complementary personalities to room together and canvas together. The teams are highly effective.

The personality test I want you to take is based on a book written by Gary Smalley. I found it already in a PDF form, on-line. So, click on the link below take the test. Then come back. It is short. I promise.

Personality Test

Now this is where I just crack up... Think of the four personality styles in terms of their use of an instruction booklet:

• The Lion discards the booklet altogether.
• The Otter can't even find the handbook (and wouldn't read it anyway)!
• The Golden Retriever reads the handbook from cover to cover.
• The beaver probably wrote detailed additions to the booklet and corrected any mistakes.

Okay, So what personality are you? What personality is your spouse?

What personality am I? Can you guess? What about Dineen? What was Jesus?

We have all been uniquely created by God with a personality all our own. We can strive to do what we do best using the talents and temperaments God has given us. We should also strive, with love and understanding, to accept others for the way they are, first identifying their personality styles and then recognizing their needs. We can all work together if we are willing to accept our own limitations and utilize other people's strengths.This is especially true in our marriages.

We also must be willing to recognize that all personality styles have a downside. No one personality style is the best, even thought we may relate best with those most like us. God created us uniquely to be used as a body, functioning in harmony.

 

Be Blessed

In the near future: I am currently preparing for a new series that Spiritually Unequal Marriage has yet to tackle. I am waiting for some research material to arrive by mail. As soon as it is here, we will get started. I hope next week.

Give this test to your husband. See how you are alike and where you are likely to have clashes. If you want to know what personality your small children are, buy the book and read it with them. They cheer for the animal that matches their personality. God Bless.

Thankful Thursday - Another Front Row Seat

Today was a day of change. I watched as a portion of the Bible was lived out before my very eyes... in living color. (Titus 2)

Today I stepped down from leading my small group Bible study for our last six-week segment. Taking my place is a brand new leader, Heidi. She is a younger woman and loves Jesus. It is now her turn to step out in faith and begin to teach others.

I never thought of myself as a woman who would lead or disciple a younger woman. Who knew?

God did and in His wisdom He placed Heidi and I together for this very purpose…..And it is wonderful to move aside and watch the Lord shine His light upon a young woman who was scared and nervous today but oh, so willing to lead because she loves Jesus. The gals in the study loved her.

I am thankful the Lord allowed me to see His word in action and deeply humbled He allowed me to be part of His plan. (I love having a Front Row Seat)

The funny thing is…. I think it's me, who still needs years of shepherding…. I hang on every word and soak up every minute I have to talk with an older Christian woman. I am richer for it and profoundly blessed.

God is so good. His ways are always the best and His Word proves to be fulfilling, joy-filled and absolutely true, day-in, day-out! Hallelujah!

What are you thankful for today? Find more at Women Taking A Stand with Laurie.

Be Blessed, Lynn

Also, meet me here Friday as we are going to take a short personality test. You are going to find out more about yourself, your spouse and others. Then we will discover together how that knowledge can help you thrive in your marriage, your relationships with your kids as well as how to match people together in service at church or in the workplace. Stay tuned.

Open Forum

Spiritually Unequal Marriage is fast approaching the end of our third year. I bet Lynn is shaking her head in disbelief right now. I went back through the posts to see the very first one! Hee hee...May 1st.

Personally, I can't believe it's been almost two years since I joined in the "fun" here at SUM. Wow! Thank you, Lynn! This ministry has meant to world to me—to us both. To be able to offer comfort, encouragement, and hope...and to have received it as well...

Okay, okay, before I get all mushy, or you think I'm leaving or something, I have an idea. I'm proposing a bit of an open forum today. If you have a question or a subject that you want to see addressed or want to explore further, leave it in the comments. Lynn and I will pray over each one and do our best to share our wisdom, give direction, or even just offer our prayers.

Come on now, don't be shy. We want to know what you're thinking about, struggling with, worrying over, and wondering about. And being in a spiritually mismatched marriage isn't easy. This blog is here to serve, and what better way than for us to ask you, our precious readers, what you need answers about. We'll do our best, and God will do the rest.

He's really good at that, you know?

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Herding cats = Middle School Band

Good Monday Morning to Everyone:

This post is a departure from the norm. But, I just had to share some fun moments from the Donovan Clan.

Over the weekend I was one of about 14 adults who chaperoned my teen-daughter’s middle school band competition. We traveled with about 80 students, five hours by bus from California to Las Vegas.

Oi Veh!

Have you heard the expression…. Herding cats?

From the minute we arrived, our weekend was a non-stop, action-packed, thrillride……literally.

We caught the live show, Tournament of Kings, a mid-evil tournament where you eat with your hands - nothing new to middle schoolers, we pounded on the tables and cheered for our favorite Knight in shinning armor. Ours was Spain.

On Saturday the kids were brilliant with their performance and took home top honors over all the bands in the festival. Later we spent hours at an amusement park…. Now I really am a dizzy blonde…( I loved the disk ride.)

Side Note: I played laser tag for the very first time. What a hoot. My son and daughter were both after me the entire time. Sheesh, so much for family loyalty. Gang, I still have a few firsts in me. So I am now pondering skydiving….. hmmmmmm

The band Director, Mr. H., is one of the best directors this side of the Mississippi and ranks up there with Mr. Holland. The kids adore him... Did I say adore?? They love him and respect him immensely. So do I.

The other parents were awesome and fun and funny and so patient. They were patient with their herd of cats… So, after trying to keep up with 80 middle school kids we are all tired. By the way, the kids are tired too but oh, so happy.

WE HAD A BLAST!!

So Congratulations, Temecula Middle School Bobcat Band. You ROCK!

Love the hall monitor, Mrs. Donovan...

Oh, and read Christine Fonseca's take on the cat hearding at her blog, Musings of Christine Fonseca.

Weekend Devotion — The 99

Then Jesus told them this parable: "Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.' I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent." — Luke 15:3-7

I've always loved this verse because it shows such devotion on our Shepherd's part. Yet recently I've come to look at it in another way. (Don't you love it when God shows you another side?)

Now this may seem obvious, but if you're reading this and know Jesus personally, we're one of those 99. You're probably nodding and saying "duh." Bare with me. The full reality of this just hit me through experience. I don't know about you, but to see someone come to Christ or to even just read about it brings me to tears.

I feel joy. Complete happiness. I want to rejoice.

Now I'm pretty sure that's not just me. I believe that's part of our unity in the Holy Spirit. We, the 99, are rejoicing with heaven over that one lost sheep coming home because of our connection through God's Spirit. Not only that. We remember what it was like to be lost once and what it felt like when Jesus rescued us. How can we not rejoice at the one who's just been found? And saved.

Many of you reading this have a lost sheep who needs to be found. I do. But how wonderful to know that the same Shepherd who found us is seeking our loved one too.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

God is at Great Risk

A friend of mine passed me a book hoping my husband would pick it up and read it. Oh, how I wish my man would read some of the many, many books I have purchased for him over the years.

I bet every one of us in a spiritually mismatched marriage has hoped the same thing at one time or another… Can I get an AMEN.. Oh well, one day perhaps. But for now I am really enjoying reading them.

The book I am currently reading is, Letters from a Skeptic by Gregory and Edward Boyd. This book is a collection of letters passed between father and son. Dad is an atheist and son is a believer in seminary studies.

The son invites his Dad to ask him any questions about his faith and promises to give an open and honest account. The questions/objections put forth by the Father are some of the same arguments my husband voices to me. The son answers brilliantly and on an intellectual level as to keep his father engaged. This is great stuff.

As I was reading however, a thought struck me which I hadn’t processed before.

God, Himself risked a great deal in creating the world.

Wow! Now I want to share a small excerpt from both letters and I hope you are moved by just how deep and personal is our God and how He risks His heart for us.

Letter 3 From Dad:

I have another nagging question. One has to question the wisdom of a Creator who would wager so much for freedom. (The last letter addressed freedom and freewill of mankind) Is it all worth it? To create a world in which madmen like Hitler or Stalin can use their freedom to take away the freedom –and the lives- of millions of others is, quite frankly, very poor management. If He values freedom so much, why the hell did God make it so tenuous that the will of one could destroy the freedom of millions?

Lynn Note: I can assure you my husband would ask something quite similar.

Response From Son (minor portion taken from his letter- paraphrased): The fact that we humans have such an incredible amount of potential for evil is indicative of the fact that we also have an incredible amount of potential for good. There are Hitlers and Stalins. But there are also Wallenbergs, Mother Teresas and Martin Luther King Jrs. I don’t see how you could have the latter without at least risking the possibility of the former. If we have the potential to oppress or slay millions, it’s because we also have the potential to liberate and love millions.

So is it worth it?

Love hurts. It hurts to love a wayward child, for example. But if a person never loved, he’d never suffer. Then again, he’d never really live. God is in this same position, only on a cosmic scale. To refuse to create a world where love was possible because the risk was too great seems to be beneath God. Love is really the only reason worth creating. It’s not freedom for the sake of freedom that God values –it’s love. Freedom is simply the only possible means to this end. God, Himself risks a great deal in creating the world.

Lynn note: When I read this last sentence I was stunned. I guess I have never considered the great risk our God takes when he loves each human that is born. I never considered the heartache He feels so deeply when we use our freedom to reject Him. The author continues in his book to tell the story of Hosea. How God portrays Himself as one who is married to and deeply in love with a wife who will not be faithful.

I pray you have time to open your Bible today and read this story. Feel the heartache and the risk God is willing to take to create a world where we have an unlimited capacity to love and where He can love us without limit.

Be Blessed, Lynn