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Thankful Thursday - Jehova-Jireh

A Choice of Faith

RingheartSomething happened this weekend that rocked my world. The pain of it still runs deep and reminds of the day my sweet husband told me he’d decided he was an atheist. I can only describe it one word.

Grief.

I won’t go into details, except to say a glaring difference of belief placed a wedge between us. In the past, I’ve dealt with our mismatched beliefs by agreeing to disagree. My determination to love my husband unconditionally never wavered, because I knew that’s what God wanted. I gladly obliged. I will say it hasn’t been that hard because one, my husband is very easy to love, and two, I believe God has enabled me to do so.

But the tables turned this weekend. I was faced with a question and had to answer honestly what I believed. I attempted to do so openly and in as non-confrontational a manner as possible. I knew he would disagree, but as in the past, I thought we’d again reach an impasse and agree to disagree.

I never expected the reaction I received. I had assumed he knew where I stood, and he thought I believed as he did. And not only that, he seemed affronted and disappointed that I didn’t agree with him. As strongly as I believed in God’s clear Word against this particular behavior, he believed just as strongly that there was nothing wrong with it and to believe so was judgmental.

The chasm in our beliefs never seemed wider than they did this day. For the first time I saw that I risked his love and respect by standing by what I believed. My heart broke at the thought of this dear man thinking less of me.

Yet there stood my choice—my faith or his respect. To retract would mean hypocrisy (and a failed testimony of my faith for sure), but to stand firm meant that his opinion of me would waver. I could not change my belief, because it is grounded in God. I therefore had to risk the love and respect of the man I love to stay firm in the God who is the very essence of my being.

Thankfully, we were able to come back to one another by the strength of our mutual love, but I know our foundation took a blow. I know I did the right thing, but forgive me when I say I find little comfort in that at the moment. My comfort comes from just knowing God is there, and that He understands.

And I cling to the knowledge that God is working in my husband’s life to change his heart. If this is part of the storm I must weather in this transformation process, then so be it. I will trust God to supply the strength and guidance I desperately need to battle my doubts and the enemy.

I choose faith. I choose God.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

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