To Know and Be Known

by: Dineen Miller

As I wrote down my prayer, the ache in my heart formed into these five words, “to know and be known.” Baffled by its meaning, yet fearful of the ramifications, I realized in that moment this was my dream.

To know and be known.

Several days later as I read one of my devotional booklets, one line jumped out at me. Almost word for word, the writer stated the same thing—to know and be known.

Now I knew I had to explore this further. What’s at the heart of this plea-like desire? If you’re like me, your faith defines who you are. At your very core, you find God, and everything you do is affected by this relationship.

Now I don’t say this to appear more than I am. Believe me when I say, the closer I come to Christ, the more I see how truly fallen I am. No, this goes deeper. This comes to a deep need to share ourselves with our creator and with our significant other. Our spouse.

How can you share who and what you believe yourself to be when the very essence that defines you is a Creator your spouse doesn’t acknowledge or even believe exists? We already struggle to be who we are in a society that tells us we’re not good enough, no matter what we do. Our marriages are supposed to be a place where we can truly be ourselves, secure in the knowledge that we are loved and accepted. But what happens when what we believe is unacceptable to the one we’ve committed to spend out lives with?

This question drove me to examine this desire and explore it in two parts.

To know. I want to know and understand my spouse, to relate to him on a spiritual level. Yet our mismatch makes this virtually impossible. I can’t know him this way, because he is still entrenched in his carnal form. The spirit I long to connect with isn’t there. But to delve deeper is to understand that who I truly long to know is God. To understand my place in his kingdom, and to find peace in this knowledge.

And to be known. I want my husband to know who I am, to understand that my faith defines who I am at the very core of my being. Again I am drawn to connect with him on this spiritual level. To look further is to see our deep-seated need to be known by God. To know we matter to Him. That we are more than just one of many and unique in the Master’s eye.

I’m coming to understand why God brought this desire to light. Our natural tendency is to search for fulfillment of our greatest needs in the ones we are closest to. Our spouses, our children, our friends, our ministries, our jobs. Yet God desires that He be the one we turn to for this deep fulfillment and connection. This is the essence of our relationship with Him—our one true love.

I can’t relate to what it feels like to be married to a believer. I can only imagine it, picture it, desire it—deeply yearn for it. But in this time of waiting, I’ve met Jesus in a very personal way. Now more than at any other time in my life, He is more tangible than I have ever known Him to be.

When the spiritual loneliness hits me, my thoughts turn to Him who knows me better than anyone ever can. I turn to the ultimate groom, the one who died for me, and lives through me today. I turn to Jesus.

And in his presence, I am known.

Comments

[Denise]

This was such a beautiful post, thank you. May you be sweetly blessed.

[Janna Rust]

Dineen, as Denise said, this was a wonderful post. I have to say also that the longing to know our spouse and be known by him on a spiritual doesn't disappear if you are married to a believer. I'm assuming you know this.

I'm married to a believer who doesn't appear to have any desire for spiritual things (prayer, bible reading, church involvment, spiritual discussions, etc.) and I feel the same things you experience. There are definitely more women out there like this than we realize because if their husbands go to church even 1/2 the time as mine does, people don't know what is under the surface.

Thanks for your emphasis on the most important thing, that God is the one who ultimately can fulfill us.

[Spookie]

Oh boy - it is like you were looking right into my heart.

[Angela]

Thank you so much for this. My husband is not a believer and though he does go to church with us, encourage the kids in their growing, it's been hard when you can't share something because he doesn't really understand it or me.

[Diane]

What a profound post! I agree with the other commenters who said, "it was as if you know my heart's desire." To know and be known!

Diane

[Ronie]

Dineen - what a vulnerable post...but I am so thankful that you are writing these articles, especially this one. It is helping me to understand you more and relate to you and what you're going through on a deeper level. Love you, girlfriend!

[Amy]

oh yes, I enjoyed reading this one. So many times all I could do was turn to God and it worked out so much better.

[clew]

Like Janna, I am married to a believer who really doesn't have any desire for cultivating a relationship with the Lord any further than that. An hour at church a week is plenty of time to spend dwelling on God - the rest of the time is considered "me" time. I am thankful he is a believer, but my heart grieves for the blessings a Christ-centered relationship could give us.

Again, so glad I've found this place, and the fellowship we share in our walks. Hugs to you, Denise!

[Dineen Miller]

Ladies, you bless me so much with your comments. Thank you for sharing! Blessings!

[clew]

UGH! I meant Hugs, DINEEN! *giggle*

(Hugs to Denise too though - and all of you!)

[Denise S]

This is so true, Dineen. This is what it boils down to at the core. We want to be known to our husbands and when they cannot, we must go to our heavenly husband.

[Jeannie]

You have truly been blessed with the gift of insight. Who would have thought for me the true connection I had with this post was in the latter part..."Our natural tendency is to search for fulfillment of our greatest needs in the ones we are closest to. Our spouses, our children, our friends, our ministries, our jobs. Yet God desires that He be the one we turn to for this deep fulfillment and connection. This is the essence of our relationship with Him—our one true love.", it was though you were taking the words right from my heart....

Thank you for sharing BLESS YOU and everyone who comes here often.

[Millie]

Dear Lynn...I come back here, so I have a chance to read your TT for this week. Just now I got a website from Terri, through that website, I can visit your blog...so blessed today...I am so glad...

[Dineen Miller]

Clew, thanks for that clarification. LOL! Hugs back to you. :-)

Jeannie, I'm so glad you found something in this that spoke to you. God amazes me each time I write...

You ladies are fabulous. Wish I could hug each one of you. I praise God that one day we will meet within the gates of Heaven. :-)

[Gretchen]

I so needed to read this. I really, really did. Thank you for your insight and reminder of our most important relationship--the one with our maker. I am so touched.

[Millie]

to know and to be know...it is really so wonderful a post you share with us.. to know the Lord with our minds, our hearts and our souls....to be known better by the Lord..and family members, friends, and sisters&brothers and also others.....But what image being known??? Count on the Lord to live a life..

[Lynn]

Dineen,

This post reaches into the very depth of what we desire. Truly, this deep relationship is finally and only attainable with our perfect Redeemer and Bride Groom, Jesus.

Powerful, Truthful and ....Thank you.

[Mimi2KoleDru]

After 30 years of "Sitting in the pew alone", it is getting harder and harder. My heart is aching and God knows my needs. I'm becoming a bitter person every Sunday afternoon. I wondered on to this site last night when I thought I was at the end of my rope. That my friend is a "God Thing", I am not alone after all!

[Cathy]

Dineen,
You are so right to say that "God desires that He be the one we turn to for this deep fulfillment and connection. This is the essence of our relationship with Him—our one true love." You should continue to pray that the Lord will touch your husband's heart and that the Holy Spirit will lead him to see His Word. Never give up! We cannot convert Christians but the Lord can. You need to set by example in prayers and action. See the Lord's guidance in : 1 Peter 3: 1-7