Spiritually Unequal Marriage

Am I Fat or Is That Ring Around my Stomach a Child's Floaty?

So, ummm, yep, I think a diet life style adjustment is in order.

I like turkey. I like stuffing. Oh for goodness sakes.... If it has carbs, I love it... Just keepin' it real.

What a great photo -------->

Can anyone, besides me, relate?

I will tell you something else, eleven months of my husband's unemployment translated into 10+ pounds on the hips. Okay, okay and also into the floaty ring around my tummy. Guess I won't need to worry about staying boyant in the bathtub. Sheesh!

I find it interesting that I gained weight over the last year. I don't think it was because I ate out of worry or stress. I think I just prepared more meals and larger portions because my husband was home.

Morning, noon and night. He was home.... We both ate.... a lot.....

Perhaps I did a bit of stress eating as well. Keepin' it real.... *again.* *grin*

So, now that my man is heading back into the work force and because January is around the corner, it's a good time to start to take off the pounds.

With all this in mind, I think we should tackle this delicate or heavy (as the case may be) subject of our weight.

Should our weight, size, proportions be an issue in our marriage?

Can weight gain create LARGE issues in a marriage relationship?

What does the Word have to say about all this?

I believe we need an honest and realistic discussion. Millions of men and especially women stress EVERY SINGLE DAY about what they eat, what they weigh, and how they look.

What is your take on the matter. Does your weight matter to your spouse? Does your weight matter to you? Why?

I can't wait to talk with you more about this. Leave me your thoughts. I will be checking in and adding to our conversation.

Hugs, Lynn

Merry CHRISTmas and get ready for 2010!

Dineen and I are signing off for a few days. Dineen's mom is in town and my son arrived at my house this morning.

We will be returning on December 30th to share our New Year Kick off plans. 2009 was an incredibly scary year. Yet it was the most amazing road I have traveled with the Lord, EVER. And it all started out with the first week of January last year. We plan to repeat that experience. You don't want to miss the first week nor the series we have planned that follows.

So check back here on December 30th.

Today, we earnestly pray that each of you encounter that divine moment where you stand with the Lord in awe over His amazing plan to bring forth a child that would save the world.

Jesus is our hope

Jesus is our help.

Jesus is our encouragement.

Because of Jesus our marriages can be renewed. Our lives can be filled with peace, love, joy and contentment. 

Now that is a Merry Christmas indeed.

We love each of you. We are so very thankful you choose to spend time with us here at Spiritually Unequal Marriage. God bless, Lynn and Dineen.

 

 

Charlie Brown? Hope of the World.

I grew up waiting each Christmas season for two special TV shows to appear on our old television set. Yes, I grew up in the “Dark Ages”, according to my teenager. There weren’t video recordings nor hundreds of channels with millions of re-runs. You had one chance, once a year. That was it.

I anxiously awaited, A Charlie Brown Christmas which was followed by The Grinch That Stole Christmas. I would sit in the basement, next to the aluminum Christmas tree with the weird color wheel turning. Mom, would bring down the freshly popped corn which was coated with the most divine candy coating and we would make popcorn balls. With popcorn ball in hand, I sat criss-cross apple sauce on the floor and watch as Charlie Brown and the gang lit up our small television.  

I was always partial to this particular seasonal show over all the others, including Rudolph and the Grinch, because Linus always told the Christmas story. The real story from the Bible.

Luke 2: KJV

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

------

Even as a child of eight this story filled my heart and life with a smile. I knew the truth. I knew who Jesus was and even at that young age He had a grip on my soul. And at that tender age He knew I would turn run away from Him.

Yet, He never let go of me. He watched over me during the dark and dangerous years of clubbing in Las Vegas. He commanded angles to walk with me even when I was arrogant, vulgar, mean and completely self-absorbed.

He looked down on this girl of eight and delighted with me as I smiled at Charlie Brown, knowing full well the many hurting and broken people I would leave in my wake of selfishness. Oh but, He never let go.

He relentlessly pursued me to return home. I found my way home, gently guided by the love of Jesus.

I returned ashamed and broken. Knowing full well I deserved to die for the pain I caused in so many lives including my own.

The enemy worked my shame.

I am not worthy to be forgiven.

I’m so broken, I could never tell anyone else about God.

I’m utterly so messed up, I can’t possibly be loved by anyone.

I can never make up for the havoc I have wreaked.

Worthless, insignificant, useless empty.

 But that story of the babe in the manger is THE story. That child wrapped in swaddling clothes became my Redeemer. I was made free.

From shame.

From failure.

From the lies.

So on this Christmas, with all that has been redeemed in my past, with all that the Lord has done in my life in the past year alone, I will acclaim the King, born of a peasant. Born in humility. I will honor Him with my life.

To Him I will give my worship, adoration, praise and thanksgiving. I will celebrate this Holy day, Christmas like a girl of eight. With delight in my eyes and happiness in my heart.

Merry Christmas, Love Lynn

Weekend Devo — Dare to Dream

People seem to be having more difficulties these days than usual. This time last year I was shuttling my daughter back and forth to radiation treatments. And not too long after Christmas, Lynn's husband lost his job like so many have since the economy tanked. I'm sure as you read this, your own trials are playing out either in memory or in reality. None of us is immune.

But profound things happened in the midst of those trials. I'll be the first to say there have been some pretty deep valley's this year. One ongoing for me and my family, but even in this time of frustration and one morning's rant at God, I knew I loved my Jesus more than ever. I knew that I had grown and changed.

Such sweet adoration in the middle of my tirade—couldn't be from me but the working of the Holy Spirit. So what could I do but thank God for the trials that brought me to the place that ease of life never could?

Perhaps this is one of our constant tests of faith, to see our trials as God's tools forming us closer to the image of Christ and to praise God in the suffering and seek the fruit our pains. I know my current journey isn't over, but in submission I've found peace, understanding, and new purpose in prayer for my daughter.

We are the family of God, bonded together by the death of God's Son and united in our struggles. Again, I'm in awe of the way God works our life experiences and sufferings with a synchronicity, joining one to another. In the trenches we find true meaning.

Together.

And in perseverance in the presence of God's faithfulness, we can dare to dream. Dream of what can be, what could be, what will be. Dream of our lives with God, when all our tears are wiped away and joy is complete. Dream of a place where those we love and pray for know Jesus as we do.

This next year, let's allow God to show us what's beyond our imaginings. Let's pray like warriors determined to win. Let's dare to believe like we never have before. 

As Christmas comes full of promise, let's dare to dream. 

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Opened Eyes by Amy Forbes

Today I want to welcome Amy Forbes to Spiritually Unequal Marriage as a guest contributor. Amy has share several posts with us over the past three years. Today she brings a very honest and revealing look at her marriage and how the Lord has moved in her life.

Amy is a born again Christian and a former wicca (story for another day). She is married with three children and lives in a small town in New Zealand. She works part-time developing websites. She is faithful to share how God has worked in her life, her husband's life and in their marriage. You can find Amy at her personal blog, I Love Retro Things.

Open Eyes

As I sit here in the cool spring evening after cleaning up the kitchen from dinner I'm thinking about where I was emotionally, spiritually, physically a year ago at this time.

Yes I'm in an unequal marriage too and there have been times over the years where I've felt revolted by my husband, I'm ashamed to admit that. If I think about it, he's a good provider, he works hard for us and the guilt I felt about my feelings was tremendous.

I knew no matter how much I tried I couldn't change myself, only God could do that. Surprise, surprise...he has! I don't feel the way I did when we first met but I no longer have the hate or the guilt or the revulsion. I sound awful don't I but no doubt there are other women out there going through or who have gone through the same thing too.

Over the last few months it's almost as if I've been seeing my marriage with new eyes. Sometimes I have that feeling of discontentment, you know wishing we had more money and nit-picking over the little things that really aren't worth fighting about.

If you'd told you a year ago that my feelings would have changed I would've laughed at you but now I'm beginning to realize that all things are possible with God. Once you give a situation to Him, He is the only one who can change things for the better. As the Pantene advertisement on TV says "it might not happen overnight but it will happen" and that's how it's been for me.

I pray that anyone else going through what I have will find hope in this post. Just because things seem hopeless doesn't mean they will stay that way. Ask God to change you and your marriage and then give it to him.

Amy

Amy Forbes: Amy is a born again Christian and a former wicca (story for another day). She is married with three children and lives in a small town in New Zealand. She works part-time developing websites. Amy is a frequent guest writer at Spiritually Unequal Marriage. She is faithful to share how God has worked in her life, her husband's life and in their marriage. You can find Amy at her personal blog, Home With Amy and I Love Vintage Things.

Thankful Thursday - It's a Birthday

Let us give thanks. It is Thankful Thursday.

December we are meeting at Women Taking A Stand. In January we will be giving thanks in the new year, right here at Spiritually Unequal Marriage. I can't wait.

Okay, I’m a dork. Go ahead a poke fun if you must, I own up to my dorkiness… (is that a word?) 

So here’s my confession. I love Christmas movies. I love sappy, happy, all ends well, tied up in a neat little Christmas bow, kind of stories. 

In the month of December, I drive my family nuts. I get my hands on the remote control and lookout…. Within minutes I have scheduled the DVR unit to record more than a dozen of these sentimental renderings in the next 24 hours. The movie titles stack up on our recorded list and it drives my techie man crazy. In December I record more movies in a month than he records war documentaries all year long. It freaks the guy out. 

So, if you’re in need of good cheer. Com’on over and bring a bag of microwave Kettle Mania and we are gonna watch movies until dawn together. 

With that said, I watched a sappy movie this year, which was new to me. The Perfect Gift was about this hobo, kinda guy who shows up at a church and helps the junior pastor and this thirteen year old girl build a nativity in front of the church. 

Sounds boring. But of course, there is much more to the story. There was a monolog in the story where the girl is telling her mother about this hobo and what he is teaching her about the real Christmas 2000 years ago. The monolog went something like this. 

The world has taken Christ out of Christmas. Christmas parties have become Winter Celebrations. The proper greeting at a department store is now, “Happy Holidays.” You aren’t allowed to have a nativity on government property or now even in front of the church. 

The whole world celebrates this time of year. But, what we started celebrating 2000 years ago was a birthday. It’s like we are celebrating with a giant birthday party and forgot to invite the guest of honor. 

Gulp. 

Whoa. 

This statement just rang as truth in my entire being.. The entire world is celebrating a birthday and forgot to invite the very one who was born. 

So, today on this Thankful Thursday, I will acclaim the Son of God who was born unto us. His birth split time in two and radically changed my life and the lives and eternity of millions. Won’t you celebrate along with me? 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS. 

Be blessed, Lynn 

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. Luke 2:11

Are You Ready for Christmas?

I know I’m not—still have shopping, baking, and a birthday to prepare for! So much to do along with work and taking care of the family. Are you nodding along with me?
Keeping our focus on Christ this time of year is tough for anyone, so I’m not going to talk about the busyness that threatens to steal the meaning of Christmas from us. I’m sure you’ve read enough on that topic already.

I want to address the difficulties that crop up this time of year in spiritually mismatched marriages. Specifically the challenge to keep Christ in the holiday especially if you have children. I know when my girls were young, this was quite a challenge. My sweet hubby has always been like a kid at Christmas time, so introducing more than my childhood nativity scene became a real challenge.

But each year I found small ways to give my girls a sense of the true meaning of the season through special activities and traditions. Yet I remember being near tears one year, thinking my two little ones only saw Santa. Minutes later the two of them stood in front of me singing Happy Birthday to Jesus. Thank you, God!

Keeping a family together is tough enough without the complications of trying to keep peace during the Christmas season. Here are a few tricks that have helped me along the years.

1. Be flexible. Christmas Eve and Day services can be a point of conflict. I know it was for my family. I wanted us all to be together, but my sweet hubby just didn’t want to go to church Christmas Eve. And going without him or alone, was just…well…lonely. I found other ways to participate at church during the month of December to celebrate Christ’s birth. At home we also light a candle on our advent wreath each Sunday and on Christmas Day. And for those years that either Christmas Eve or Day landed on a Sunday, I went to the morning service.
2. Compromise. Decide what matters most and be willing to bend on the rest. If you’re spouse sees you willing to adjust in one area, he or she may be willing to “return the favor.” And remember to approach any situation with prayer and respect. Our unbelieving loved ones will be more likely to reply in like manner.
3. Relax. Remember that God knows your heart, and we can honor Christ’s birth many times and many ways throughout the year. Sometimes having unrealistic expectations only serve to cause more stress for you and your family. This goes back to being flexible.
4. Pray. This probably should be number one. Whatever area that seems to trip you up each year, bring it before God now and prepare. Don’t give the enemy a way in to mess with your family and your Christmas celebrations. You might just be surprised how God works out a difficult situation for you. Bring God into your Christmas planning early. Not at the last minute.

I hope these tips help alleviate some of the stress typical of a S.U.M. If you have ideas that have worked for you, please share them in the comments. What better way to celebrate Christmas here at S.U.M than to give the gift of wisdom and caring to one another?

And, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
Praying and believing,
Dineen

Trust AND Action!

I don’t subscribe to the old adage; God helps those who help themselves. I am acutely aware the Lord helps many of us when we are so low we can’t even get off the couch. But, I am also certain God wants our active participation in His plans.

With that said what does it mean to “trust” God?

Suppose you were unemployed, would you pray and trust God saying, “Oh, I am trusting God to give me a job,” then never apply for work?

Would you fail to intervene in your teenager’s life if you found marijuana in their room? Would you just pray about it and say, “Oh I am just trusting God to change my daughter’s mind about drugs.”

HECK NO!

Well, I think sometimes we fail to join the Lord in His plans with regard to our unbelieving spouses. There are times when we must stand for the principals we know to be true. I am convinced ther are times when the Lord wants us to be a fighter for His kingdom.

Discernment is the critical component when you are married to an unbeliever. There are indeed, times when you need to let go of your rights and/or desires and then there are times when conflict is necessary. I can tell you through the years of my marriage there were many heated moments of conversation (read: fights) over our different worldviews. Some specifics were church attendance. I would attend. Period. The end. So would my kids when they were little.

I look back over the years and KNOW, without a doubt, my consistent defense of the Word of God in the face of my husband’s skepticism played a powerful roll in his discovery process. The Lord would allow my words to land on my man’s heart from time-to-time where they would sink in. Coupled with living my faith with authenticity and enthusiasm, my husband softened to the Lord.

Trust is to be confident and secure. Trusting God is an unafraid trust. We know the Lord has our best interests at heart. But the Lord is also expecting effort. He gave us a brain and wants us to use it. He also calls us to action. He expects us to move in our world for His benefit and glory. There are numerous stories of God calling His people to action throughout the Bible. There are just as many where God calls His people to trust Him.

So why am I sharing this today? I know many of you are walking a difficult road right now. I know the Lord is calling you to trust Him but He may also be calling you to action in a specific area.

Ask Him.

The New Year is quickly approaching and what you and the Lord set into action today may be life changing for those you love tomorrow.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Be blessed, Lynn

Weekend Devo — Turning It Around for Good

This is one of the most powerful devotionals I've seen on the subject of trials. James MacDonald seems to be on the fast track into some deep insights into our Christian faith and what it really means. I want to share this devotional by him, because his words clarified it isn't about whether or not we go through trials that distinguishes us from unbelievers, but HOW we go through them.

We all face difficulties in life—that's the nature of this fallen world. But I'm coming to understand better that how I walk these trials (And there seem to be more lately for so many of us. I know you're out there, and I'm praying for you!), my greatest witness to my sweet hubby is my perseverance, and not even how well I do that, but that I do it!

I pray this blesses you as much as it did me.
Praying and believing,
Dineen

Turning It Around for Good

by James MacDonald

"So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." - 2 Corinthians 12:7-9

With all due respect to Rabbi Kushner, God does allow bad things to happen to good people. He doesn't cause them, but He doesn't prevent them either. The world is free and God doesn't very often step in and alter the fact that the effects of sin are visiting themselves randomly upon the creation. So God lets trials happen to the Christian just like He lets them happen to the pagans so that the superiority of the life lived in God can be demonstrated through our lives. The majority of the world is choosing not to worship God, but a few of us, by God's grace, can draw down upon God's promised resources to get us through.

God did not cause the horrible events in your life, but you need to embrace the fact that He allowed them. God could not make a world in which we are free and at the same time guarantee that everyone would choose Him. So the world is broken and bad things happen. But God promises that He will be with those who love Him. He will bring us through the fire, and we will come forth as gold.

God allowed Paul to suffer a "thorn . . . in the flesh." Paul said that God allowed "a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited" (2 Corinthians 12:7). Paul understood that God allowed this pain in his life for a reason. God allowed a demon to harass, or buffet Paul. The word buffet means to strike with a fist or beat. But God permitted it with a purpose: to keep [Paul] from being conceited.

God is so sovereign. He's so much in control that even when Satan tries to ruin our lives, God takes the weapon that Satan wants to use to destroy us and turns it into a good thing. God says, "If you will lean hard on Me in the midst of this difficult time, I’ll take that thorn and make it for your good."

We all have a thorn. We all have something that God has allowed into our lives that Satan meant for our destruction but that God has turned around to help us grow and change.

Please Help Me Out!

I would be extra appreciative if you could give me your opinion. Also, in the comments can you tell me how and when you ask your spouse to attend Christmas Eve services. What works and what doesn't. Thank you.... Thank you.... THANK YOU. Be blessed, Lynn

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