Spiritually Unequal Marriage

Weekend Devo—Finding God in the Little Things

Amazing how the littlest word or gesture can go a long way. I'm going on a mini retreat next week with two friends from church. We've tired to plan this for several years and finally found a way to work it out. Tahoe here we come!

But what's so funny to me is that I'm more excited about two little bracelets I found for these two dear women who have meant so much to me over the last six years.

The bracelet in the picture is the one I got for myself. It says Hope, Faith, and Love with hearts, crosses, and ichthuses in between the words. The other two have Bible verses on them, which will have special meaning for my friends. They've both had to deal with a lot over the last year, and God has shown his faithfulness over and over again.

It's these little things that can sometimes carry us through the trials of life. I've learned to recognize even the smallest of moments as a blessing from God. Laughter has come to mean so much to me and my family these last nine months.

 How about you? What little things or memories bring to mind God's love and faithfulness? And how can we bring these moments to those around us during difficult times?

A special word of encouragement, a hug, a wagging dog's tail. God's in it all.

HAPPY 4TH!!!
Hope you have a blessed day full of these special moments.
Dineen

Attending Chruch Alone Church or no-Church. What is a Girl to Do?

Continued from Monday.

I just couldn’t do it any longer. Sacrifice another morning. I survive because of those two little hours where I refuel, gain perspective and fill my soul with spiritual strength in order to face the week ahead and the spiritual battles which are inevitable.

His non-confrontational persona leapt forward and he mumbled something inaudible and shuffled myself and my daughter into a row. My eyes burned but I was able to sit through the service.

Which brings us to yesterday (last week), actually rewind a bit further to late Saturday evening. We arrived home after an evening with friends. I am angry because it is 1:00 a.m. and church in the morning is now doubtful. It is then that I decide the last straw has landed on my back. Such strange timing.

I launch into this tirade, “It looks like I am going to miss church again. I am angry because we were out late and you did nothing to wrap up the evening at an hour to allow me rest and to get up early to attend church with my small group.”

There is much more to this building dynamic which is the result of numerous repeats of this scenario. You will have to trust me on this. I didn’t freak-out over a single event. This is a long in the making.

Now bear with me on this me because this exchange appears selfish and in fact it may be. However, at this moment, I am truly over it! I don’t want my husband to EVER attend church with me again unless he wants to. The conversation ended with me flopping into bed.

The next morning, “Sweetie, I want you to know that I in fact, was planning to attend church with you. Not because it would make you happy but because I wanted to.”

Sheesh!

We didn’t make it to church. As I write this post, I am puzzling. How could I traverse a complete 360 about this most important topic and really mean it? More perplexing, I haven’t been able to work through the rightness of it nor God’s perspective (yet).

The way I see it, for years, I applied pressure on my husband to such a degree that he attended church ONLY to make me happy. The result, he finally starts attending we are both miserable.

This is my dilemma. I believed, with all that I am, church would reach my husband. Untrue as of right now. Furthermore, I think I am happier about going alone than sitting by my man and feeling the stress of his displeasure.

I know many of you KNOW exactly what I speak of. I am unable as of this moment to give you the answer but the answer I seek. Not only for me but for you who have also faced or will face this strange turn of events.

I commit this to you my friends, God has brought this situation alive and to the forefront. He is preparing a learning moment, dare I say, a paradigm shift for me and for many of you. I am seeking the truth of navigating – church or no-church, with fervent prayer and a persistence not present before.

Our Lord has never failed to show me the truth of my situations, marriage, parenting, friendships. I will remain faithful and trust He will do the same in this. And, when I know. You will know.

Until then, I want to hear from you and how many of you traverse the quandary of, Church or no-church. Share with me. Be Blessed, Lynn

I plan to talk with you about what I am learning about myself, this situation, about my husband's journey and our Great Big God on Monday. Please tune in for that conversation. It is gonna be good. Love ya! Lynn

Thankful Thursday - Freedom

Thank you Laurie, Women Taking A Stand, for hosting Thankful Thursday last month. In the hot summer months of July we will give thanks to our Lord here and then in August head over to Iris, Grace Alone.

On this second day of July I am thankful for my freedom.

I am free to worship Jesus.

I am free to do the right thing.

I am free to stand against evil.

I am free to take the difficult road.

And even if I were put into chains tomorrow, NO ONE can take these away from me.

I am a slave of Jesus Christ and yet, I AM FREE!

What are you thankful for this week?

Also, if you remember in May when I hosted Thankful Thursday, I offered a computer tip each week. Well this month, I think it would be fun to share some marriage quotes/thoughts and some humor. So, here is my marriage quote today that I shared on Twitter and Facebook today:

A good marriage is a union of two forgivers.

Have a blessed Thursday. Be blessed, Lynn

Let’s Talk, Part 2

Last week we had a great discussion about communication. Lots of great comments and input. Let me see if I can summarize some of what was shared.

Talking: The true key to communication, although we do communicate with our body language and tone of voice, but we’ll leave that to another post. Kathleen gave us a good example of how she tried to meet her husband on his terms and interests. And based upon what she said, her efforts were rewarded. Her husband encouraged her. The point here is she took the time to find a way to involve herself in something her husband liked to do, therefore opening more opportunities for them to communicate and share. (Guess I’ll give disc golf another shot. Stay tuned for more on that one!)

Choices: Part of the underlying thread of communication is the choice to participate and even choose an activity conducive to talking. Having dinner instead of a movie. Taking a walk together for exercise instead of going to the gym and then going different directions. Or even doing activities in the same room—reading, like Gretchen’s example—but still keeping physical contact (there’s that body language again…) and being open to share and talk when the mood hits. Just be sure to pick an activity in which you and your spouse won’t mind interruptions. Kathryn made a great suggestion of having a regular date night. Here’s an opportunity to get creative in the planning and even challenge one another to try new things. Let’s admit it, part of the battle is falling into old routines that leave one or both spouses dissatisfied.

Part of this also applies to the situation like our anonymous friend shared. Yes, we want to reach out to our unbelieving spouses and find common ground, but we can’t compromise to sin in order to do it. God would never ask that of us anyway. Perhaps in anonymous’ case, the family could work together to find appropriate shows and movies they can watch together, and leave a clear boundary that he’s on his own when she and her son find the content offensive. Their actions will continue to speak volumes.

Setting Aside Agendas: With this comes Amber’s excellent point. Humility. If we can go into our effort to connect with our spouses with humility, with our own agendas set aside, perhaps we can reach them in new ways. Sure, it may mean doing something like wading through burrs and dry grass to find a Frisbee disc on a hot day, but am I willing to put aside my discomfort and make the point of the activity—to spend time together—the focus?

Rob gave us a reverse scenario of this one. He found something he felt would be interesting to both him and his wife. And not only that, it turned into an opportunity for him to share his faith. His persistence paid off.

Prayer: At the risk of sounding like a broken record, let’s pray and ask God to show us new ways to communicate with our spouses. When we’ve tried everything and have basically moved on to live separate lives for the most part as Grammy shared with us, I still believe God can break these barriers in ways we can’t even imagine. So yes, when we are in a difficult marriage, we should continue to grow and pursue our own interests, but we shouldn’t give up on our difficult spouses, nor throw that valuable respect Tamara talked about out the window. Nor should we keep ourselves stagnant just to make our spouse happy. The enemy would love nothing better. When we can’t seem to make any ground in these situations, God can. And we can too through his guiding hand and strength. (Phil. 4:13)

So, let's keep sharing new ways to communicate with our spouses. And if you see me on the disc golf range, be sure to wave hello. I’ll be the one picking burrs out of my socks.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Attending Church AloneChurch or no-Church

Things often play out very strange.

I am going to share a story with you. I am still trying to process the circumstances of the past two weeks looking for the hand-print of God in this. I would be interested to know if any of you have experienced what I experienced and how you processed it.

 _____

One of the most consistent Google searches which bring new readers to Spiritually Unequal Marriage is this: Attending Church Alone.

I am not surprised by this. For many years, going to church alone was an enormous obstacle for me. Our society is after all, structured primarily around couples. Ever been to the amusement park? Two chairs together on the roller coaster. What about going to the movie theater alone? Shudder!

And finally, church. Organized religion, for the most part, revolves around couples – families. I am not condemning this truth only pointing out that the typical church centers around husbands AND wives. Church leadership doesn’t intend to isolate singles. After all look at the many thriving singles programs churches offer.

However, being married and single is a category most churches can’t even begin to comprehend. With this said, the reality of attending church alone is excruciating. Many Sundays, I would sit down in the sanctuary by myself. Soon a cute couple would shuffle down the row in front of me. I always seemed to notice they were holding hands. Then they would sit directly in front of me thus making it impossible for me to ignore them. And finally they would shoot each other a dazzling, I-am-in-love-with-you-and-so-glad-to-be-in-church-with-you, smile.

Pain.

I’m not saying anything is wrong with this scenario. In fact, it is very right. But for me……. my heart could be wrenched right out of my chest. The pastor’s message would become lost as his words floated above me, indistinguishable because I was lost in a turbulent sea of unfulfilled longing which threatened to completely swallow me up. Anyone relate?

So now let me put a twist on this scenario. It’s utterly strange to me as I contemplate what I am going to share.

In the recent months since my husband's unemployment, he has attended church with me sporadically. Elated just doesn’t describe how excited I felt over this change in our relationship in early January. Every unbelieving spouse, hopes –dreams- about this day. We think, finally, he will hear the truth spoken and because it is delivered by someone other than me, perhaps the Holy Spirit will finally breakthrough to him.

A desperation prayer is then quickly uttered. “O Lord, please, please, let this be the day he is baptized.”

Well, I am still waiting. And in recent weeks, a new phenomenon has emerged into our intricate church attendance drama.

ME.

Recently when my husband chooses to attend church, I faced some unexpected and baffling scenarios. The night or morning before church, my husband would launch into complaints. “The music's too loud. It is a waste of time. Why do we stand through the long singing time? All the men that I observe in church just aren’t’ into it, so why do we sing? And, why is church so long anyway? An hour is enough.”

At first I would answer these questions. “Popular Christian music isn’t like the old hymns. Younger people like it louder and more energetic. So do I.”

“We stand because we honor God as we stand to our feet and from my perspective the singing (worship) isn’t long enough.”

“Many, many people including men really, honestly, like the music.”

And I just leave the whole length-of-the-service thing completely alone. If you love Jesus, you like to be there. If you don’t…….

In addition to these complaints, he would use body language to display his displeasure during the service once we arrive. And if I am brutally honest, I found myself in silent tears as I observed the hostility in him while I stood at his side in church on random Sundays. Because of these verbal and nonverbal complaints, the once-a week- worship and reconnection which I desperately needed was subtly stolen from me. It was just too much for me to ignore.

It seems last week I couldn’t take anymore. It was Father’s Day. He complained about getting up early. “I am not going to rush to get ready. We will get there when we get there” he said as he stepped into the shower.

My disappointment mounted. I LOVE TO WORSHIP. The music can absolutely revive my heart.

We walked into the church that morning and the music was loud but not piercing. He immediately mumbled some caustic remark to me. Girls and Men…. I just snapped. “You do not need to be here. I don’t want you to come to church just to make me happy. I no longer want you here if you don’t desire to be here so please leave right now and I will get a ride home.”

I stared straight into his face with an intensity that could have bored holes through his head. At the moment, I wish they would have. Not kidding!

_____

~This post has gone long but I have so much more of the story to tell. It's already written and I will meet you again here on Friday, July 3rd for the conclusion as well as a question for you. Please come back. Also, today give me your thoughts and share your experiences about church or no-church. Be Blessed, Lynn

A Perfect Day... *grin*

Here it is....

Free To Be Me Social Network

Free to be Me Blog

Thankful Thusday - She Sings??????

Hi Everybody, I stopped a minute from making my debut Blogger’s Retreat video. If you want to see Lynn Donovan embarrass herself as never before, you will not be disappointed with this video. I am going to sing, dance, type and who knows what else. Yikes!

Promise me that you will listen with a forgiving ear when I finally get this puppy finished and posted here.

Why would I do this? Well, I am willing to debase and humiliate myself for the most worthy cause ~The 2009 Free To Be Me Blogger’s Retreat.

This retreat is for all Christian women bloggers and wanna be, future bloggers. We are going to meet together, finally, face-to-face in October. We are going to laugh together, learn together, encourage one another, pray for each other, blog, and worship our Great King. Because, after all, it is for HIM that we write.

I am thankful this Thursday because God arranged for me free airfare. My unbelieving husband gave me his frequent flyer miles to send me across the country to be part of this awesome event. (I just love it when God uses my unbeliever to further His kingdom.) This is especially awesome because of our unemployment situation. God is a God of miracles. Can I get an AMEN?

Please, please, please make any and all efforts to join us if you are able. We are offering scholarships in July and then August watch for more information at our blog, Free To Be Me Blogger’s Retreat and our Social Net Work, Free To be Me.

So, today I am praising the Lord for airfare and for the forgiving people who will watch this video next week and who will still come back to visit after hearing my voice. Love ya!

God bless and have a perfect day (hint, hint).

For more Thankful Thursday, visit Laurie at Women Taking A Stand. Also, next week, Thankful Thursday returns here, Spiritually Unequal Marriage, for the month of July. Be blessed, Lynn

Let's Talk

Communication is a vital part of any relationship. And I'll be honest. Right now I'm not communicating very well with my hubby. Thanks to some wonderful prayer warriors, I can sense it's getting better, but I'm still not quite on track, or where I'd like to be. Because, let's face it, in a SUM, it's like we're constantly on stage, don't you think? I know I do. We want to our unbelieving spouses to witness what God's done or doing in our lives, but that's not always easy.

So, let's hang out and talk a little bit here about the challenges of communication and how we can find ways to improve our talking, and listening skills.

One area I think makes a big difference in communication is staying connected. This can be a real challenge in any kind of marriage. We grow older, our interests change, and before you know it, you're more like two people living separate lives who occasionally intersect than a married couple.

I know I've tried playing an online game with my hubby, and even went disc golfing with him once. But I'm finding myself more challenged to find things we can connect with and through, since our beliefs are so different.

So, what have you found works in helping stay connected to your spouse? Let's get a convo going here, people! Let's talk!

Looking forward to reading your comments!
Dineen

I Like Big Bibles and I Can Not Lie

Yesterday in honor of Father’s Day we experienced: 

Every year ~ fantastic. Here is a taste.

Prepare to experience an urge to dance, giggle and jump up and down. You will want watch every second of this video. I promise.

Have a fantastic week. Be blessed, Lynn

Weekend Devo—Praying Fervently for our Children

In celebration of Father's Day, I'd like to share this wonderful article by Rick Warren with you. —Blessings! Dineen

Fathers: Pray Fervently for Your Children by Rick Warren

"I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those You have given Me, for they are Yours" (John 17:9 NIV).

Jesus reflected the father heart of God when He prayed for the disciples. As a father, or mother, you can pray that your children will focus on the five purposes of God.

God's five purposes for your children are the same as God's five purposes for your life, and the same as the five purposes for the church. Jesus prayed for all five purposes in the lives of those He was leading.

Jesus said, "I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those You have given me, for they are Yours" (John 17:9 NIV).

We can pray that our children will live for Christ joyfully: "I say these things while I'm still in the world so that they will have the same joy that I have" (John 17:13 GWT).

We can pray that our children will grow strong spiritually: "I'm not asking You to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one" (John 17:15 NLT).

We can pray that our children will serve Christ effectively: "Make them ready for Your service through Your truth; Your teaching is truth" (John 17:17 NCV).

We can pray that our children will experience fellowship personally: "My prayer . . . is that they will be of one heart and mind, just as You and I are one, Father . . . and the world will believe You sent me" (John 17:21 LB).

We can pray that our children will bring others to Christ regularly: "I pray not only for them, but also for those who will believe in Me because of their message" (John 17:20 TEV).

Even if you are not a father, or a mother, you will help others move toward the heart of God by praying for them and the purposes God has planned for their lives.